Emotionally Hijacked

The sexual revolution of the 1960's was actually the second rebellion. The term phrase "sexual revolution" itself has been used since at least the late 1920s. The term appeared as early as 1929. The book Is Sex Necessary? Or, Why You Feel the Way You Do by James Thurber and E. B. White, has a chapter titled "The Sexual Revolution: Being a Rather Complete Survey of the Entire Sexual Scene".
In the first sexual revolution (1870–1910), Victorian morality lost its universal appeal. However, it did not lead to the rise of a "permissive society".
The sixties however were radical. At least for me. Graduating high school in 1966 and a virgin till after the prom, it seemed very daring. I had been a “good Catholic girl” all my life. Now I watched on TV as women burned their bras. I was not only still wearing a bra but also a girdle and garter belt for my stockings.
Though the convenience of not having to wear a girdle or garter belt was a plus, what helped pantyhose take hold was the rise of the miniskirt in the mid-1960s. Young women also started wearing jeans without underwear. Can you imagine no bra and no panties? How scandalous. Of course, our mothers were not pleased with this liberation from undergarments. They thought we were “going to hell in a handbasket”. That phrase meant that a situation is rapidly deteriorating or that you are set firmly on a course for disaster.
The origin of the phrase ‘hell in a handbasket’ can be found in the practice of capturing the heads of guillotine victims in a basket, with the presumption being that these criminals would be going straight to hell for their crimes. Older people thought our choice of clothing was shameless.
I loved mini dresses and go-go boots and Disco. What an exciting time to be young, single and alive. After one short disastrous marriage that’s what I was.
I was also on my own for the first time in my life. That state of affairs was terrifying. I could not cope with being alone, especially at night. My solution was to drink and dance in the disco bars till the wee hours of the morning. I was soon working as a cocktail waitress and ultimately a bartender. Those professions helped support my lifestyle.
I dated mostly musicians I met in these venues. The thing with musicians is that their ego gets inflated and they feel like they can do anything they want. Mix in booze and maybe even drugs so that hinders decision making ability. Then you mix in beautiful women. So, you mix everything together and you have a huge ego with the possibility of substances and women all thrown at you and being away from your girl. In my case working at another bar.
I didn’t realize I had abandonment issues from my childhood. Chronic Insecurities that wreck your self-esteem. In my mind the abandonment reflected my worth as a person. “There is something wrong with me. I am unlovable.
My lack of emotional nourishment as a child set the stage set the stage for the same dynamic to be recreated in adulthood. I positioned myself in romantic relationships to be discarded or abused because I had accepted this core belief: “I will always be abandoned.”

The trauma of abandonment left an emotional blueprint on my brain. My wounds triggered extreme emotional sensitivity to rejection. Often triggered by bad relationship choices I would be emotionally hijacked. A term coined by David Goleman, when the rational brain is taken over by the emotional brain called the amygdala. In this state, the person feels seized and overpowered by their emotions.
My emotion roller coaster would continue well into the Eighties.

Patrick Kavanagh said “It often occurs to me that we love most what makes us miserable. In my opinion the damned are damned because they enjoy being damned.”