Before You Post

There are lots of jerks on social media. You deal with them all the time. They make you angry and might even ruin your day. But let’s be honest: sometimes, that person is you. 

It’s usually because we react to something without giving it due consideration. Because social media is a somewhat limited medium, there are countless opportunities to misinterpret what someone else says. We might misunderstand the other person or misread what they wrote. We might not detect sarcasm or satire. At the same time, we don’t want to compound the problem by responding to someone in a way that is unfitting or unbecoming. 

Here are some things to help us keep from being “that person” on social media. 

Imagine what Jesus would say if he saw your Facebook posts, tweets, Snapchats, Truths, or Instagram photos. Would he approve of your tone, approach, and language? Examine your motives. Are you bragging, seeking approval, being sarcastic, rabble-rousing, or expressing discontent so someone will support you? You can’t underestimate the value of purity and genuineness. Before you respond to someone else’s post—either in agreement or disagreement—read it a second time. Then wait 60 seconds and read it a third time. Make sure you’re responding to what the person is saying rather than your favorite hobbyhorse that has very little to do with the post. You don’t want to make yourself look like a fool in front of everyone.If you disagree with someone, imagine giving your response to the person’s face rather than banging out a reply on the keyboard behind the shield of obscurity offered by a computer screen. (Imagine the worst insults you’ve ever received online, then try to think if you’ve ever gotten anything as bad in person. That should tell you something!)Write what you have to say, then read it from the other person’s perspective. For good measure, read it in the worst possible way. See what trigger words or inflammatory language might need adjustment or elimination. Ask yourself, “Is my response going to further the discussion positively, or will it generate friction and conflict?”Make sure you are confident that your claims can be verified with facts. Be ready to offer links to research on reputable websites (i.e., not a site run by some tinfoil hat-wearing ghoul living in his grandmother’s guest bedroom). Resist the temptation to fight fire with fire. A carefully reviewed, cool-headed response could make the other person realize that their online behavior is unacceptable. 

One of the worst problems with social media is that it makes us complicit in our own misery. Imagine this scenario: you post an opinion on a social media website. Someone disagrees with you and belittles your point of view. You take this as a personal attack. Rather than writing the person off as a crank, you get sucked into a back-and-forth where both of you are caught up in the loop of defending your latest response. It escalates to the point that both of you are waiting for the other to respond so you can destroy them with biting sarcasm, a witty comeback, or a devastating put-down. 

Who wins? Nobody. You’re both miserable because your egos won’t let it go. 

What’s worse is if the other person—the jerk—was just someone having a rough day. Or who made an ill-advised reply, thinking it would be funny. Or who had a very different sense of humor from yours. Or who misread or misunderstood what you wrote. You know, the things that might trip up anyone on any given day. 

Social media is full of disquieting ironies. It makes us more connected digitally but makes us less connected physically. It puts us in closer touch with others online yet drives us farther apart by generating friction and contention. It gives us hundreds of friends with few meaningful relationships. Groups and chats provide numerous opportunities for connection, but blocking and unfollowing offer means of punitive rejection. On the plus side, it provides fertile ground for the frequent application of the Golden Rule. 

The Jewish rabbi and theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel once remarked, “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” The Internet is full of clever people. But if you want someone to inspire you, support you, brighten your day, or give you a light in your darkest hour, you don’t look for someone clever. You want someone kind. 

And you never know—that kind person someone else desperately needs at that moment just might be you.