Have You Ever Lost A Hat?
Continuing with the Indie Chicks stories...
HAVE YOU EVER LOST A HAT?By Barbara Silkstone
I lost everything including my home, my car, and even myretirement accounts. I was physically attacked inside and outside a courtbuilding. My daughter and baby granddaughter were threatened. I came at the badguys like a mother tiger.
A few years earlier I had agreed to testify against a realestate developer in a civil racketeering case. He was obscenely rich and couldafford a hanger full of Lear jets, four sneering lawyers, and a greedy judge.In an effort to discredit my testimony in hisupcoming trial and to frighten me out of appearing against him, his team oflegal manipulators pasted together a bogus suit against me designed to keep metied up in court and unable to function. They underestimated my sense ofjustice.
I'd been sitting on the witness stand for the better part ofa day… one of many in my five-year "trial."The judge, forgetting her microphone was on, had just proclaimed me "a prettytough cookie." I'd given up expecting justice. It was much too late forfairness. I was in an out-of-body state observing my own funeral and laughingabout it.
When the four-hundred pound lawyer asked me if I'd ever losta hat, I thought one of us had lost our minds. I was pretty sure it wasn't me. Heblinked as if he realized the absurdity of what he asked and dropped the lineof inquiry. The question struck my funny bone and sent me into giggle-fits. Andthat was the moment when The Secret Diaryof Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters was born.
Within a few months the lawyers I hired to help me sucked upevery penny I could muster. When I was broke, they walked off the case. Unlikein criminal cases, defendants in civil litigation must pay for their ownattorneys. No money – no lawyers. I was on my own. I needed to defend myself.But how when the case was nonsense? How do you fight silly? The lost hat question was a perfect exampleof the charges brought against me. But the more ridiculous their charges, thestronger and feistier I grew. For each thing they threw at me, I came back thatmuch harder, roaring and taking notes for my someday book.
Since I was a child my driving passion has been to write. InCatholic grade school I started an underground newspaper. When our nun forbademe to continue, I carried the paper further underground. While I continued towrite as an adult, life eventually got in the way of living and my writing tooka backseat. But now as I sat in the courtroom I was inspired and chomping atthe bit to get this real-life fairytale on paper.
Anger boiled in me as I saw the precious time I had carvedout for writing being eaten up as I defended myself in bizarre proceedings. Iwas spending all my time in the law library studying the Rules of CivilProcedure in order to write Motions and Pleadings and filing them against thecourt in such rapid fire I would have made Rambo back off.
Earning a living on commission sales is impossible when youare spending 14 hours a day fighting a pack of legal sharks. I had to take thecreepiest part-time jobs… things that still give me nightmares. Things likeworking for a gold broker who brought us the teeth from dead people. We wereexpected to separate the gold from the molars – not unlike the lawyers I wasdealing with. I needed the money but not that badly. I ran to the nearest exit.
Locked in a deadly struggle with the notorious real estatedeveloper, I chose that time to become romantically involved with a Brit who,it turned out was not what he seemed to be. I stepped into the perfect storm.The Brit's upper-class accent and polished manners hid a not-too-clever conman,but clever enough to fool my starry eyes. The developer and the conman clashedin a rage of wicked deeds. I was sandwiched between them.
Is The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters true? Would Lewis Carrollsay Alice in Wonderland was true? Theemotions are real and still raw, but the journey was worth the results. Would Ido it again? You bet your tushie. My sense of justice would not permitotherwise. But I would not be quite so naïve. I would expect slimy tricks anddirty pool. Merely because someone wears a robe and speaks of the law does notmean they abide by the law.
"The Hail Mary Pass" refers to any very long forward passmade in desperation with only a small chance of success. It's used in footballand occasionally courtrooms.
My Hail Mary Pass knocked the bad guys on their butts. Ifiled a Petition for a Writ of Certiorari, which is a request to the UnitedStates Supreme Court asking that Court to review the decision of a lower court.I cast a spotlight on their dark shenanigans.
And as my Petition worked its way along the queue in theUnited States Supreme Court, making it almost to the finish line, the judge onmy case went strangely silent, the notorious developer disappeared, and theBrit wandered off. I had become a writerbut not in the way I had envisioned. I was a self-taught legal guerrilla whohad managed to land her petition to be heard by the highest court in the UnitedStates… right through the goal post. Unfortunately, in the end corruption wonand I barely escaped with a toothbrush and a change of clothes.
Were those five years tough? Yes. But I fought because I knewI couldn't live with myself if I rolled into a ball. I fought with the wit andsarcasm of Alice in the original Alice inWonderland. Standing on the outside watching the Jabberwocky operate on the inside. I knew that someday my story, fictionalizedwith absolutely no resemblance to anyone living or dead and the names changedto protect the corrupt, would make a darn good yarn. And each step of the way,like Lewis Carroll and my out-of-body ordeal, I would allow the action to theskate on the edge of logic.
In The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters, a few murders have beenthrown in for comic relief, and the characters have been shaken and stirred, then presented in a Pythonesquelight. Any similarities to the jerks I dealt with are purely coincidental.
Have I ever lost a hat?Probably.
But did I retain mypassion for writing, and even kick it up a notch? Absolutely.
Every adventure containsa novel.
Sometime you have to paydearly for it.
~
Quoting the Cheshire Cat:"Wouldyou tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" (Alice)
"Thatdepends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"Idon't much care where---" said Alice.
"Thenit doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"---Solong as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Ohyou're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk longenough."
Thisis one story from Indie Chicks: 25 Women 25 Personal Stories available onAmazon and Barnes & Noble. To read all the stories buy your copy today. Allproceeds go to fund breast cancer research.
About the Author BarbaraSilkstone is the best-selling author of The Fractured Fairy Tales series thatcurrently includes: The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters; Wendy and the Lost Boys;and London Broil.
Silkstone's writing hasbeen described as "perfectly paced and pitched – shades of Janet Evanovich andCarl Hiaasen – without seeming remotely derivative. Fast moving action thatshoots from the hip with bullet-proof characterization."
Wendy and the Lost Boystopped the charts in comedy, climbing over Tina Fey, Sophie Kinsella, and EllenDeGeneres. The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quartershas been a consistent best seller in comedy. Both Wendy and Alice have been inthe top 20 Amazon comedies at the same time. Silkstone has been fortunateenough to take part in writing workshops with Stephen King, Robert B. Parker,and James Michener. She lives in South Florida but has no time to visit thebeach.
Barbara Silkstone lovesto hear from her readers. You can write to her at: barbara_silkstone@yahoo.com
Or visit her at: Barb's Wire eBooks & More http://barbswire-ebooksandmore.blogsp...
Twitter @barbsilkstone http://twitter.com/#!/barbsilkstone
Facebook http://www.facebook.com/people/Barbara-Silkstone/100000778601230
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/barbsilkstone/
Fractured Fairy Tales by Silkstone
Criminally Funny Fables
The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters
This author has a uniquenarrative voice, and reading the story is like taking a smooth slide intoAlice's surreal world. The premise is outstanding – a classic we all love, witha contemporary, intelligent twist. ~ ElizabethLindberg, author Upper West Side Stories
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnes & Noble
Wendy and the Lost Boys
Be aware, this is notthe Peter Pan story you want your kids reading. It is clearly intended foradult readers. Yet it appeals to the childlike part of us that loved theclassic original stories. Combine that childlike love with modern politics andtechnology, and you get this smart, snarky, hilarious mystery. The story isrichly developed and leaves you guessing until the very end. I am liking thisgrown-up version of Peter Pan even more than the original. ~ Tiffany Harkleroad for Tiffany's Bookshelf
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnes& Noble
London Broil — thesequel to Wendy and the Lost Boys
The snarky Python sequelto Wendy and the Lost Boys. A murderous rollercoaster ride through Londonduring a killer heat wave. ~ Ravan Reviews
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnesand Noble
Zo White – coming Summer 2012
HAVE YOU EVER LOST A HAT?By Barbara Silkstone
I lost everything including my home, my car, and even myretirement accounts. I was physically attacked inside and outside a courtbuilding. My daughter and baby granddaughter were threatened. I came at the badguys like a mother tiger.
A few years earlier I had agreed to testify against a realestate developer in a civil racketeering case. He was obscenely rich and couldafford a hanger full of Lear jets, four sneering lawyers, and a greedy judge.In an effort to discredit my testimony in hisupcoming trial and to frighten me out of appearing against him, his team oflegal manipulators pasted together a bogus suit against me designed to keep metied up in court and unable to function. They underestimated my sense ofjustice.
I'd been sitting on the witness stand for the better part ofa day… one of many in my five-year "trial."The judge, forgetting her microphone was on, had just proclaimed me "a prettytough cookie." I'd given up expecting justice. It was much too late forfairness. I was in an out-of-body state observing my own funeral and laughingabout it.
When the four-hundred pound lawyer asked me if I'd ever losta hat, I thought one of us had lost our minds. I was pretty sure it wasn't me. Heblinked as if he realized the absurdity of what he asked and dropped the lineof inquiry. The question struck my funny bone and sent me into giggle-fits. Andthat was the moment when The Secret Diaryof Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters was born.
Within a few months the lawyers I hired to help me sucked upevery penny I could muster. When I was broke, they walked off the case. Unlikein criminal cases, defendants in civil litigation must pay for their ownattorneys. No money – no lawyers. I was on my own. I needed to defend myself.But how when the case was nonsense? How do you fight silly? The lost hat question was a perfect exampleof the charges brought against me. But the more ridiculous their charges, thestronger and feistier I grew. For each thing they threw at me, I came back thatmuch harder, roaring and taking notes for my someday book.
Since I was a child my driving passion has been to write. InCatholic grade school I started an underground newspaper. When our nun forbademe to continue, I carried the paper further underground. While I continued towrite as an adult, life eventually got in the way of living and my writing tooka backseat. But now as I sat in the courtroom I was inspired and chomping atthe bit to get this real-life fairytale on paper.
Anger boiled in me as I saw the precious time I had carvedout for writing being eaten up as I defended myself in bizarre proceedings. Iwas spending all my time in the law library studying the Rules of CivilProcedure in order to write Motions and Pleadings and filing them against thecourt in such rapid fire I would have made Rambo back off.
Earning a living on commission sales is impossible when youare spending 14 hours a day fighting a pack of legal sharks. I had to take thecreepiest part-time jobs… things that still give me nightmares. Things likeworking for a gold broker who brought us the teeth from dead people. We wereexpected to separate the gold from the molars – not unlike the lawyers I wasdealing with. I needed the money but not that badly. I ran to the nearest exit.
Locked in a deadly struggle with the notorious real estatedeveloper, I chose that time to become romantically involved with a Brit who,it turned out was not what he seemed to be. I stepped into the perfect storm.The Brit's upper-class accent and polished manners hid a not-too-clever conman,but clever enough to fool my starry eyes. The developer and the conman clashedin a rage of wicked deeds. I was sandwiched between them.
Is The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters true? Would Lewis Carrollsay Alice in Wonderland was true? Theemotions are real and still raw, but the journey was worth the results. Would Ido it again? You bet your tushie. My sense of justice would not permitotherwise. But I would not be quite so naïve. I would expect slimy tricks anddirty pool. Merely because someone wears a robe and speaks of the law does notmean they abide by the law.
"The Hail Mary Pass" refers to any very long forward passmade in desperation with only a small chance of success. It's used in footballand occasionally courtrooms.
My Hail Mary Pass knocked the bad guys on their butts. Ifiled a Petition for a Writ of Certiorari, which is a request to the UnitedStates Supreme Court asking that Court to review the decision of a lower court.I cast a spotlight on their dark shenanigans.
And as my Petition worked its way along the queue in theUnited States Supreme Court, making it almost to the finish line, the judge onmy case went strangely silent, the notorious developer disappeared, and theBrit wandered off. I had become a writerbut not in the way I had envisioned. I was a self-taught legal guerrilla whohad managed to land her petition to be heard by the highest court in the UnitedStates… right through the goal post. Unfortunately, in the end corruption wonand I barely escaped with a toothbrush and a change of clothes.
Were those five years tough? Yes. But I fought because I knewI couldn't live with myself if I rolled into a ball. I fought with the wit andsarcasm of Alice in the original Alice inWonderland. Standing on the outside watching the Jabberwocky operate on the inside. I knew that someday my story, fictionalizedwith absolutely no resemblance to anyone living or dead and the names changedto protect the corrupt, would make a darn good yarn. And each step of the way,like Lewis Carroll and my out-of-body ordeal, I would allow the action to theskate on the edge of logic.
In The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters, a few murders have beenthrown in for comic relief, and the characters have been shaken and stirred, then presented in a Pythonesquelight. Any similarities to the jerks I dealt with are purely coincidental.
Have I ever lost a hat?Probably.
But did I retain mypassion for writing, and even kick it up a notch? Absolutely.
Every adventure containsa novel.
Sometime you have to paydearly for it.
~
Quoting the Cheshire Cat:"Wouldyou tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" (Alice)
"Thatdepends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"Idon't much care where---" said Alice.
"Thenit doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"---Solong as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Ohyou're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk longenough."
Thisis one story from Indie Chicks: 25 Women 25 Personal Stories available onAmazon and Barnes & Noble. To read all the stories buy your copy today. Allproceeds go to fund breast cancer research.
About the Author BarbaraSilkstone is the best-selling author of The Fractured Fairy Tales series thatcurrently includes: The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters; Wendy and the Lost Boys;and London Broil.
Silkstone's writing hasbeen described as "perfectly paced and pitched – shades of Janet Evanovich andCarl Hiaasen – without seeming remotely derivative. Fast moving action thatshoots from the hip with bullet-proof characterization."
Wendy and the Lost Boystopped the charts in comedy, climbing over Tina Fey, Sophie Kinsella, and EllenDeGeneres. The Secret Diary of Alice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quartershas been a consistent best seller in comedy. Both Wendy and Alice have been inthe top 20 Amazon comedies at the same time. Silkstone has been fortunateenough to take part in writing workshops with Stephen King, Robert B. Parker,and James Michener. She lives in South Florida but has no time to visit thebeach.
Barbara Silkstone lovesto hear from her readers. You can write to her at: barbara_silkstone@yahoo.com
Or visit her at: Barb's Wire eBooks & More http://barbswire-ebooksandmore.blogsp...
Twitter @barbsilkstone http://twitter.com/#!/barbsilkstone
Facebook http://www.facebook.com/people/Barbara-Silkstone/100000778601230
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/barbsilkstone/
Fractured Fairy Tales by Silkstone
Criminally Funny Fables
The Secret Diary ofAlice in Wonderland, Age 42 and Three-Quarters
This author has a uniquenarrative voice, and reading the story is like taking a smooth slide intoAlice's surreal world. The premise is outstanding – a classic we all love, witha contemporary, intelligent twist. ~ ElizabethLindberg, author Upper West Side Stories
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnes & Noble
Wendy and the Lost Boys
Be aware, this is notthe Peter Pan story you want your kids reading. It is clearly intended foradult readers. Yet it appeals to the childlike part of us that loved theclassic original stories. Combine that childlike love with modern politics andtechnology, and you get this smart, snarky, hilarious mystery. The story isrichly developed and leaves you guessing until the very end. I am liking thisgrown-up version of Peter Pan even more than the original. ~ Tiffany Harkleroad for Tiffany's Bookshelf
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnes& Noble
London Broil — thesequel to Wendy and the Lost Boys
The snarky Python sequelto Wendy and the Lost Boys. A murderous rollercoaster ride through Londonduring a killer heat wave. ~ Ravan Reviews
Purchase for your Kindleat: Amazon
Purchase for your Nookat: Barnesand Noble
Zo White – coming Summer 2012
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