The Many Splendored Thing Called Love – A Man’s Journey Through Grief continued, #19

The other day, as I continue to ride the roller coaster of grief, I came to a pinnacle of praise. I’ve read and been told that grief is the price of love. I suddenly came to the realization of how true this is—this phrase, which could be but a cliché.  

To fill up my time, especially after getting cataract surgery, I’ve tuned in to one of those sappy soaps. After that day’s episode, I burst into tears. Why? Not in sympathy for the romantic frustrations of the characters in the show. No, it was the realization that my marriage to Mary Helen had been such a gift from God, such a wonderful love affair. More that sixty-two years of love!

I suddenly realized powerfully that a Christian marriage developed over the years with God’s help and teaching is the best thing on earth. Of course, salvation through the grace of God is even better. But there is no human relationship as wonderful as a good marriage. I don’t claim that our marriage was unique. There are millions of good marriages on earth.

But be clear, a good marriage is better than the adrenaline rush of climbing Mount Everest. It is better than being a sports star. Better than being a celebrity movie star or musician. Better than winning the Nobel Prize or the ultimate triathlon. It is much better than building a Fortune 500 company. Better than finding a buried treasure of gold and precious stones. It is better than being elected prime minister or president. It is so much better than fairy stories. So much better than experimenting with multiple partners in the hope that, somehow, you’ll find the ideal sexual partner.

A good marriage is not perfect. It is two people who are committed to each other through thick and thin; dealing with their differences, their problems, their anger, their mistakes yet growing in love with God’s help.  

The traditional marriage covenant is very wise. It is a promise between a man and a woman “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God.”

A good marriage creates heart palpitations. It is being obsessed with a longing to come home to the arms of one’s sweetheart after being away on a trip. It is the wonder of being together again. It is living with one’s best friend. It is enjoying lifelong companionship. It is raising a family together. It is having someone who understands one’s moods, one’s silences, one’s unspoken thoughts. It is feeling comfortable together. It is forgiving and being forgiven. It is having arguments followed by the unbelievable feeling of making up. It is kisses that mean something. And it is having the most wonderful romantic intimacy. God designed marriage for committed couples to enjoy ecstasy in each other’s arms.

I have been incredibly fortunate. God has been unbelievably good to us. I don’t want to minimize the pain others have suffered or increase their pain by our story. Many have suffered through marriages that brought much pain. That makes me so sad. Problematic marriages are not always the fault of the couple. Culture and upbringing may contribute. I don’t want to minimize any of that. There is much unhappiness in our fallen world.

But, should any young persons read this, may they know that if God is in their marriage they have ahead of them a lifetime of adjustments that can lead to unbelievable love. The song is true. “Love is a many splendored thing.”

I just want to thank God for our imperfect marriage because I’m beginning to understand why my grief is so deep. My tears are a watery celebration because grief is the price of love.

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