Conspiracy Theory "B"
The Right has all the fun conspiracy theories: Jewish Space Lasers, Pedophile Pizza Parlors, the secret evils found on Hunter Biden’s laptop.
I want a conspiracy theory of my own. The letter Q is taken, so I’ll call mine Conspiracy Theory “B.” That’s “B” as in Billionaire. It goes like this: Every vexing problem facing the United States today can be traced back to billionaires and their insatiable hunger for money. Here’s an example.
Why is there such dysfunction in Washington? Why is it so hard to get anything done? Dig down into the swamp and you’ll find the root of the problem is billionaires. Billionaires control all of the Republican party and enough Democrats to make a mess of things. Why is nothing getting done? Because, if you’re at the top, change is bad. Change means you get less. Change means you pay more in taxes and get smaller yachts. Gum up the works, feed the partisan fires, and you keep making money hand over fist.
Why do we have both the most expensive and the most dysfunctional health care system on the planet? Because billionaires are profiting off of people getting sick. Why did the opioid crisis get so out of control? Because billionaires, controlling politicians with their campaign contributions, let it happen. They were making profits and dividends off of all those pills.
Now, let’s change just one word and see what happens: Why did the gun crisis get so out of control? Because the billionaires are making profits off of all those guns.
Isn’t this fun? Let’s do it again: Why can’t we make progress on climate change? Because the billionaires are making profits by polluting.
Are you mad about your low pay? Did your last raise not keep up with the pace of inflation? That’s because corporations are shelling out billions of dollars on dividends and stock buybacks, benefits that go primarily to billionaires.
Can’t find help when you go into a store? Mad that there are only six in a pack when there used to be eight? Billionaires are at the bottom of it. This really is the theory that explains everything.
The Right loves to point out the left wing bias of the news media. The truth of the matter is, the news has been moving rightward since the nineties. Why? Because all the channels have been consolidated into big media conglomerates. And at the top of each of those conglomerates are billionaires.
You think you can get away from them? Go online and get your news, maybe from an underground website like Breitbart? Sorry to break it to you, but Breitbart is owned by a couple of billionaires. When Steve Bannon rails against entitlements, it’s because his boss, Robert Mercer, would rather not pay more taxes so that peons like us can have Social Security and Medicare.
So, how do we fix this? It won’t be easy. The rightward tilt of the Supreme Court makes it unlikely that they will overturn Citizens United, the decision that allowed billionaires to corrupt our political system.
We have to do things the hard way, by paying attention and voting. Did your Congressperson vote against lowering prescription drug prices and desperately needed climate change legislation because the bill also included a tax on stock buybacks? That person is not working for you. Next time, pick someone else.
I want a conspiracy theory of my own. The letter Q is taken, so I’ll call mine Conspiracy Theory “B.” That’s “B” as in Billionaire. It goes like this: Every vexing problem facing the United States today can be traced back to billionaires and their insatiable hunger for money. Here’s an example.
Why is there such dysfunction in Washington? Why is it so hard to get anything done? Dig down into the swamp and you’ll find the root of the problem is billionaires. Billionaires control all of the Republican party and enough Democrats to make a mess of things. Why is nothing getting done? Because, if you’re at the top, change is bad. Change means you get less. Change means you pay more in taxes and get smaller yachts. Gum up the works, feed the partisan fires, and you keep making money hand over fist.
Why do we have both the most expensive and the most dysfunctional health care system on the planet? Because billionaires are profiting off of people getting sick. Why did the opioid crisis get so out of control? Because billionaires, controlling politicians with their campaign contributions, let it happen. They were making profits and dividends off of all those pills.
Now, let’s change just one word and see what happens: Why did the gun crisis get so out of control? Because the billionaires are making profits off of all those guns.
Isn’t this fun? Let’s do it again: Why can’t we make progress on climate change? Because the billionaires are making profits by polluting.
Are you mad about your low pay? Did your last raise not keep up with the pace of inflation? That’s because corporations are shelling out billions of dollars on dividends and stock buybacks, benefits that go primarily to billionaires.
Can’t find help when you go into a store? Mad that there are only six in a pack when there used to be eight? Billionaires are at the bottom of it. This really is the theory that explains everything.
The Right loves to point out the left wing bias of the news media. The truth of the matter is, the news has been moving rightward since the nineties. Why? Because all the channels have been consolidated into big media conglomerates. And at the top of each of those conglomerates are billionaires.
You think you can get away from them? Go online and get your news, maybe from an underground website like Breitbart? Sorry to break it to you, but Breitbart is owned by a couple of billionaires. When Steve Bannon rails against entitlements, it’s because his boss, Robert Mercer, would rather not pay more taxes so that peons like us can have Social Security and Medicare.
So, how do we fix this? It won’t be easy. The rightward tilt of the Supreme Court makes it unlikely that they will overturn Citizens United, the decision that allowed billionaires to corrupt our political system.
We have to do things the hard way, by paying attention and voting. Did your Congressperson vote against lowering prescription drug prices and desperately needed climate change legislation because the bill also included a tax on stock buybacks? That person is not working for you. Next time, pick someone else.
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