Grieving an Illusion

While drinking coffee this morning, I find that there’s something missing. When I ask myself what’s missing, what comes up is the days of feeling good about my society, my culture, and my country. That good feeling seems absent since Friday, June 23, the day of the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

I knew at a relatively early age that what Ronald Reagan called the “shining city on a hill,” the America of our ideals, was an invention, a romantic notion that made us all feel good.

My dad was a left-winger. He made sure I knew about McCarthyism (of which he had personal, up-close experience), segregation, racism, the exploitation of Latin America, the projection of force around the world, and so much more. In spite of that background, what Reagan’s vision represented made me feel good. I wanted to believe that America could lead the world by example. However, I always knew deep down that my romantic vision doesn’t actually stand up to reality.

The idea was that our form of government and the principles upon which our nation was founded resulted in a reality that we could be proud of, one that would allow us to be a beacon of freedom for the world.

I guess that beacon worked for a while.

People in other countries used to look to the United States for guidance, for leadership. Then they started laughing at the disparity between the ideals we preach to others and the reality of our society. And, perhaps, now they are afraid of what has happened here, and what may yet happen here.

So the grief that I feel this morning is for my cherished illusion. It was never real.

In this blog I have frequently offered a broader perspective, a viewpoint from which it is easier to bear witness to what feels to me like the steep decline of American society. I will continue to do so. For now, however, I must see this through. I need to feel the grief that comes from the shattering of illusion and allow it to pass through me.

Experience has taught me that disillusionment is a good thing. It means that something false has been revealed to be false, and once the falsehood is allowed to fall away the truth behind it will remain. I know that only then will the illusions be replaced with greater strength and wisdom. I cherish that knowing. It can never be taken away from me.