Illuminated Pages: Oceans and Dust, the Poems for Loneliness.

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“There is no shortage of wonder in the human spirit. We were born to ask why. We are here to make up our own answers. This is the poetry of being alive.” – Jacqueline Suskin.

A few years back, I took an introduction to writing course, because it was free, and I was bored. The instructor was a beautiful, well-travelled woman, full of stories, sweetness and a little something under the surface that suggested she had some dark secrets waiting to be pulled out. But, I’m digressing, as per usual.

On one particular day, during one particular lesson, a fellow writer asked how one goes about writing a book and getting published. The answer she gave is one that I both understood and, down to my bones, disagreed with.

‘No one here is ever going to get published.’ she said, ‘Writing a book is difficult, it requires a lot. I should know, I’m currently writing a book myself, as a ghost writer.’

The guy who asked, nodded sullenly, everyone else in the class looked dejected. There’s a part of me still, to this day, that regrets not speaking up, not saying the words that I held in:

‘I’m a published author, so are you sure no one here is ever going to be published?’

Only three of us turned up to the next lesson, she had lost over half the class.

Why didn’t I speak up that day? Was it because I liked knowing something that she didn’t, or because even after being published I still lacked confidence in myself and my writing? I signed up for the course for a reason, right? Was it just because it was something to do once a week, or because I still felt I had a lot more to learn?

Why am I telling you this? Honestly, I have no idea, I’ll know when I’m done writing… hopefully.

July 2020, I took another course, this time it was online and with the poet Jacqueline Suskin and called ‘Every Day is a Poem’. Sorry, I just got distracted by a fidget spinner I made the mistake of leaving on my desk. Where were we? Poetry. Wait, I have notes on this. Okay, look at me being all professional with notes. And if you’re reading this and thought this was going to be an intellectual, ordered piece, I apologise, you’re in the wrong place, can I interest you with a wild ride through my consciousness instead? In all sincerity, I’ll do my best to keep things orderly and get my point across, if I have one, we’ll see. A wise person would cut all this out. A wise person wouldn’t be writing any of this down in the first place.

Okay notes. Not that one. Nope, not that one either. Maybe this one? Okay, I’m not using any of my notes, they’re okay, just really pretentious. I should cut all of this out.

Lesson one of Jacqueline Suskin’s class was called ‘Be in Awe of Everything.’ It came with the question, “What does being in awe, mean to you?” Which is an interesting question to answer.

Her answer was that awe is transformation, it can transform something mundane into something otherworldly beautiful. Or it can transform something painful into something elegant and enlightening. ‘Be in Awe of Everything’ became part two of Oceans and Dust: Poems for Loneliness, but I’m leaping a little bit ahead of myself. Let’s get back to day one, to being in awe of a kiss, to being in awe of anger, both felt and directed to you.

Being in awe of a kiss is easy, but anger. Can you find something beautiful in anger? In the vitriol and spite directed at you by someone you once loved? At the vitriol and spite you can direct at someone else in those weaker moments, when the pain you’re feeling wins?

What about anxiety, self-doubt, isolation, loneliness, could you find awe and beauty from those moments? And, if you can, what does that mean?

I didn’t expect this course to become anything. I didn’t go into it thinking that by the end of it I would have an anthology of poetry. I especially didn’t think that it would make me look at some of the most horrific moments of my life and find a beauty in them and a tenderness for them. And bear in mind, we are still only on day one.

Day two was ‘Make Meaning’, day three and four, ‘Purpose and Inspiration’, and day five ‘Practice’ (starting a daily practice). These five things, awe, meaning, purpose, inspiration and practice are the base, the foundation stone on which you can build, quite possibly, anything. In four days, I found the voice my self-doubt had stripped away, I found what I couldn’t find in that writing course I’d taken years earlier. See, I had faith it was all leading somewhere and would circle back around, and you doubted me. I’m guessing.

What happened after this course was that I kept writing, I’m still writing. If you like Oceans and Dust: Poems for Loneliness, there is another collection on the way. If you don’t like Oceans and Dust: Poems for Loneliness, there is another collection on the way. And, if you haven’t read it yet, why? I worked really hard on that.

Seriously though, putting it all together was a fun experience for me and understanding that poetry, like art and love, is subjective, I hope you give it a read and share your honest opinion with me. What do you think? Should no one here be published, or do we all have a right to do what we love and share our voices?