Taming the Tongue or, Knowing When to Shut Your Yap

If we read through the books of Psalms and Proverbs, we’ll find one passage after another warning about the use of language. They say that the tongue is like a sword and bitter speech is like an arrow (Psalm 64:3) and that the tongue is filled with poison and is like a fire (James 3:6-8). Other passages celebrate verbal restraint, saying that it leads to life and refreshment. One of the most famous of these states that the right word, at the right time, is like an apple of gold (Proverbs 25:11). 

In a world where cutting humor, mockery, trolling, and satire have become popular (although they’ve never been unpopular, have they?), we have to be careful about the words we use. At some point or another, all of us misuse our speech. It’s a universal problem that is often downplayed and even excused. We have ways of justifying such abuses. We mock other people in the name of humor. Instead of admitting to deception, we call it a “little white lie.” If we are guilty of using impure speech, we call it a “slip of the tongue.” We dodge responsibility for unjust criticism by saying that we’re just “brutally honest” or we “just speak our mind.” 

The apostle Paul reminds us to use language to uplift and encourage other people (Ephesians 4:29):

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

It can be difficult to bite our tongue and say only what is fitting, proper, or encouraging. Part of that difficulty is undoubtedly because our language can be hard to control. It has an immense amount of power, which James talks about in his epistle. He compares the tongue to a bit or a rudder. These comparatively small tools control something much larger than themselves: a bit directs the horse; a rudder steers the ship. 

We might add that James implies one more thing that we rarely stop to consider: the tongue helps to control our eternal fate. Just as the bit and the rudder steer where the horse and ship go, the tongue steers our lives. In other words, the language we choose to use provides evidence of whether we take our commitment to Christ seriously and offers a preview of what we might expect when this life is over. Note the following: 

James says, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” (James 1:26). Obviously, worthless religion has no saving power. The book of Revelation records the fate of liars: “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8).The book of Proverbs states, “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.” (Proverbs 10:18). We should note here that a “fool” in the Hebrew wisdom literature typically describes someone who is spiritually deficient, and is often contrasted with the righteous or virtuous person (in other words, the fool is someone who will likely stand condemned by God). Jesus says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37). There’s nothing cryptic here. 

In short, the language we use gives insight into the state of our souls. 

If the tongue can pose such a significant spiritual risk, how do we tame this little monster? Here are some helpful diagnostic questions to ask ourselves before we say something that might cross a line: 

Is what I’m going to say true? Or is it a rumor or unverified second-hand information (especially if it’s negative)?Is what I’m going to say helpful? It might be true, but will it build people up, bless them, or benefit them? Or is it going to needlessly shame someone or divulge private information that has no business being made public?Is what I’m going to say being said to the right person? Do I have the right audience? If I’ve got a problem with someone, have I talked to that person, or do I talk about them to other people (see Matthew 18:15-20)?Is what I’m saying loving? Will it be gracious? Will it give the other person the benefit of the doubt? 

One final, helpful tip might be to consider this question: “Would we talk to God and about God the same way we talk to and about other people?” We can’t be right with God if we aren’t going to be gracious to someone else. 

We sometimes say things like, “silence is golden” and “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything.” There is a great deal of truth here. Let’s look at one last verse (Proverbs 10:19):

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

This is a fairly wooden translation. Unfortunately, the power of many passages in the wisdom literature of the Bible can be blunted by rigid translations. Please allow me to paraphrase:

The more you talk, the more you sin,
So if you wanna be wise, shut your yap.

I think our world would be so much better off if we could all learn to resist knifing someone in the back with gossip, cutting them with criticism, and bludgeoning them with hurtful truths. In a society where everyone feels like their opinion is worth its weight in gold, we could all stand to follow the Bible’s warnings to control our tongues.