Where is your mask?

As part of the world-wide effort to keep people from COVID infection, there are certain protocols that you simply can not ignore. One of them, which effects civility and everyday life, is the mask. Yes the three millimeter piece of cloth, held by elastic hoops going around your ears, is the one item of clothing which will keep you from entering the hospital (along with vaccination shots … of course).

Mandated by local ordinance, good manners, and the pursuit of living: you can’t enter a building, go to the bathroom, or even say “Hello” to a friend without the mask. It is ubiquitous in modern life as the smartphone, which only got on the list ten to fifteen years ago. When you leave the house in the morning, you better have your mask, or you’re hitting the drive thru.

It’s early in the morning on a Monday. Late for work? Yes. No time for coffee? Darn right! I collect my keys, which are positioned by the front door. I open the front door. Before crossing the threshold, I run through the mental checklist: keys, wallet, mask? Mask? I am sure I have one in my back pocket! I have to go! Usually, it is “trust but verify” that I have these items, but in my haste, I trusted that everything is ok, and head out the door. As the key turns, the cylinders click, and run to the car. Did I forget anything? I try to reassure myself that everything was there and my focus is the road ahead and not the door behind.

Heading down the Interstate at an amazing rate of speed until I get to the office. Sliding into a parking slot, checking the time. Time: 8:55 AM. First stand up meeting: 9:00 AM. Time to door: two minutes. Exiting the car, click the key FOB to lock, and then run to the office. Mask? Check. I reach in my back pocket, it is there. I put it on my face. I grab the handle to enter the office. Locked. Do I have my badge to get in the office? I stop for a second and look around. Noooooo! I don’t have my badge!

Shoot! I can’t enter the office without it! What am I going to do? I try to follow an old lady into the office and was immediately put down by a swinging purse. I had my mask on so she didn’t recognize me. I kept yelling out, “But I am …”. Nope. With those words, I got a purse to the eye and a few whacks to the ribs.

I tried calling my friend in the office with the smartphone. Nope. He is already in the meeting.

I looked through the window of the conference room. It was somebody’s birthday. Wait. The old lady, she is retiring and this is her retirement party! As I feverishly knock on the window, everyone is having too good of a time, with cake, wearing hats, and blasting music. I peered through the window, a tear welled up in my eye, then security guards grabbed me, and threw me towards the road.

I said to the guards, “Please sir. I work here! My name is …” By then, they couldn’t recognize me with the mask on, so they walked away, went back through the office doors, and never to be heard from again.

Bottom line: Masks are awesome in keeping everyone safe, but when you’re heading out the door in the morning, don’t forget there are other items you need take, so you can make it through a day.

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