(4/7) “I think a detective called my mom, right after it...

(4/7) “I think a detective called my mom, right after it happened. He said something about a ‘grand jury.’ And me needing to testify. But then he never called back. There was no paperwork, nothing. My mom and aunt made a lot of calls. They were asking questions. They were pushing. But nothing was moving. This was the pandemic, so they were just letting people out of jail. And I think they let the guy out. But I wasn’t even thinking about that. For all of 2020 I just wanted to get a bottle of something and stay by myself. I hated people seeing me as weak. My entire life I’d been a father figure, to everyone. I’m the oldest of seven kids. I’m the emergency contact for everyone’s school. But now I’m back home, sleeping in my sister’s twin bed. I didn’t like it. Every time I came out of my room, the entire house would be on pins and needles. One night I started arguing about something. Something that happened a long time ago.  I’d been drinking. I was an asshole that night. But the next morning when I came downstairs, nobody mentioned it. I thought I was in the clear. I went outside to have a smoke. But when I came back in, something felt strange. The air felt different. I heard my mom’s voice: ‘K, come in my room.’ She closed the bedroom door, and said: ‘I’m happy you got a chance to be regular last night, I really am. But you’re being too regular. You need to humble yourself, or nobody’s gonna care anymore.’ All I could do is cry. Not a loud cry, but a hurt cry. Cause when you’re grown, and your mother has to sit you down, and really tell you something, it hurts. I told her I’m sorry. She said don’t apologize, just change. A few nights later I was up late listening to TV. It was 4 AM or 5 AM. And one of those preacher things came on. I’m not church heavy, but I started listening. It was a whole book they were trying to sell. It had seven key points. I only remember one of them: ‘Life comes in seasons.’ That’s the one that hit me. I remember thinking: this season is done. No more staying by myself. No more drinking all the time. This season is over. When I woke up the next morning, I asked my sister to get on my phone. ‘I told her: ‘Send a message to Melissa.'”