“You know I love it when the Hello Kitty cheeseboards go on sale.”

9. Blood Red Roses – Sarah Armstrong

The purchasing of a haunted item has always been something I’m concerned about. New mirrors only, please, I’d rather be haunted by someone who hasn’t had too much time to learn how to haunt people. Kate does not have my taste in mirrors. She’s outfitting her new bedroom and she finds a very interesting mirror – but the local rich girl/total bi-atch wants that exact mirror too and when Kate goes back in to finish her lay-away purchase, said rich bi-atch is trying to buy it out from under Kate. Doesn’t happen. It’s not Kate’s fault she’s chosen the most desirable antique owned by a madwoman, well, teen girl, but madteen just doesn’t sound as aspirational, but Kate is now in trouble and so is Tory, the madteen. And even though Tory is super mean to Kate and breaks into her house and steals the exact mirror (but leaves a shoddily painted one in its place – no one would notice) so she can have the nightmares and she can hear that weird song and she can murder her whole family just like the original owner – Kate still tries to help her, via library research in another town like a clearly super cool teen who takes the bus in between towns to do research when there’s a snowstorm coming.

Danger Crumples demonstrates how he treats the antique pillows. He treats them to nibbles. He has no sense of time.

 

Danger Crumples as Danger Drew, parodying an antique series and representing guinea pig mystery solvers everywhere.