You Know You've Been Reading Too Much Koontz When...

I have a confession to make. I am a Dean Koontz junkie. I have read approximately ten quintillion of his books--I swear there really are that many--and, after having read them, I noticed certain changes in myself. I am distrustful of strangers. I think that people follow me wherever I go. I start freaking out during thunderstorms because I think it's a sign of the apocalypse. I've begun to wear a toupee and Hawaiian shirts for kicks. (Just kidding about that last part.)

For lack of anything be...