Virgin Coconut Oil, but not the raw stuff because I couldn’t find it.

I got my first tattoo on a whim. Maybe that’s why looking down at my arm and seeing something new, something unexpected hit so hard. I hadn’t imagined it before hand, I didn’t spend a year thinking it over, I didn’t design it myself.

It was the 2nd of December 2016 and I woke up in a place beyond depression. It was that ‘I can’t do this anymore’ place, that ‘it’s time to end it’ place.

So, after crying for an hour I got dressed, got on a bus and booked an appointment at InkedUp. Then went for lunch at The Crazy Fox with my sister.

I wrote, previously, that I felt more myself with this new tattoo, maybe it was the act of getting it. I went to the tattoo place by myself, which may not seem like the biggest of accomplishments, but anxiety is a bitch who doesn’t discriminate.

Since then, I’ve noticed subtle differences. I’ve gotten a little demanding. I’m asking for what I want. I’m allowed to ask for what I want. I wanted another tattoo; I got another tattoo. I’m allowed to ask for what I want.

A few moments ago, I needed to go to the shop. I didn’t talk myself out of it, I didn’t have a mini panic attack. I needed to go to the shop, so I went.

I got a tattoo, by myself. I did that. Those other things are small now.

[ July 2017: Research.

The Sankofa is an Adinka symbol, a representation of concepts or aphorisms. ‘San’ means to return, ‘ko’, to go, ‘fa’, to fetch, to seek, to take. It’s associated with the proverb: ‘It’s not wrong to go back for what you have forgotten.’ or the one I prefer. “Go back and fetch it.”, from ‘John Constantine: Hellblazer – Papa Midnite, 2005. The Sankofa is a teacher, teaching those who see it to go back to their roots in order to move forward. To go back and get the best of yourself, your past, and rediscover what it has to teach you. It’s the guide to discovering your true and full potential. It asks us to remember what we have forgotten, to find what we have lost, to look for what has been stripped away, to reclaim, revisit, revive and preserve.

Personal Meaning.

Two paths, two selves, two lines, spiraling inwards, then outwards, then in again. Looking back, reflecting, then moving forward. Two lines that cane be said to form a heart, the centre of a self. Two lines, reflected, twin forces reflected, two opposing forces joining as one, past and present, light and dark, life and death, higher self and lower self.

“To be fully myself I must accept the light. To be fully myself I mist accept the dark.”

“All things have happened before. All things will happen again.”

“We go back to the past to create from it.”

“All that I am I have always been. All that I will be I already am.”

“The path that leads to life leads to death. The path that leads to death leads to life.”

“Stop holding on to the bad things, it’s like a clogged up drain, foul smelling, and it damages no one but yourself. Instead, go back and fetch the good things, revive them, hold onto them. Think to the future, to the potential of a situation or person, the Sankofa can mean this for you.”]