I quit.

Not too long ago, I woke up disoriented, falling over myself, and nauseous. I couldn’t quit throwing up, and for the next two days, I felt absolutely disgusting. The worst part? I still had author tasks to do (such as advertising, finishing up Voyeur Season 2 Episode 5, taxes, and other personal matters). My heart wasn’t in it. My mind wasn’t in it. My body definitely wasn’t in it.

I was hungover.

For the last time.

When I was younger, I used alcohol as a coping mechanism to calm my mind and let my inhibitions lower enough to effectively communicate with others. I was awkward, quiet, and overly emotional about the smallest (and strangest) things without it. Alcohol killed all that, allowing my sense of humor to fully manifest. And I’m the sort to remember everything after I drink, so the next day I was usually able to laugh at my actions even when everyone else was busy telling me how I should’ve been mature or acted more responsibly. I loved it. The best part? I was rarely hung over.

Then I got older.

The hangovers started to manifest, creeping in with increasing discomfort and pain, until the other day when I woke up half dead and rethinking all my life choices. I ditched the rest of my alcohol and seriously pondered my life. Why, at this age, am I still putting myself through this? Why am I repeatedly getting drunk, only to suffer for it for days after? What’s the point? Yes, the buzz feels good in the moment, but it comes with so many caveats… I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s just not worth it anymore. I could be doing so much more with that time and energy than debilitating myself.

I wrote all that to write this: I decided to quit drinking.

Those of you that know me (either digitally or in real life) are probably reading those words with wide, astonished eyes right now. I don’t blame you. It was a serious paradigm shift and kind of long overdue. I mean, I’m 34 years old. When it comes to alcohol, I can’t just drink a little bit. What’s the point in that? I want to feel it. I want to be affected by it. That’s the entire point of drinking, right? At least that’s the way I used to think. 😷

Now I just need to find other things to make me feel the way I did when I was buzzed. Preferably not narcotic. 😄 Any suggestions?