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What makes me think of them together is their willingness to laugh at life's little absurdities. Yet, as you point out, Mary laughs without any real conviction to ground her, whereas Elizabeth does have a guiding philosophy, which ultimately keeps her from being mercenary or cruel.
Part of what has appealed to me about Mary is what we don't know about her--specifically, the origins of the enmity she feels for her uncle. I've always read the admiral as a womanizer--someone who was very careless of his wife's feelings, and Mary has never been able to forgive him for this.
The conversation between Fanny and Edmund, early in their acquaintance with Mary, when they are criticizing her for speaking so freely of her uncle--well, that's a difficult moment for me in MP.
Ultimately, Edmund and Fanny end up blaming Mary's aunt for not raising Mary well, as if she is the real problem, rather than the admiral. And they make very little allowance to Mary's circumstances: she has just had to leave her uncle's home because he brought in his mistress (without marrying her, right?) to be his hostess.
We could chalk up Fanny and Edmund's disapproval to a Regency value set that included discretion and respect for family -- but does not Elizabeth Bennet do a little bit of Mr. Collins bashing in front of Darcy (and in Mr. Collins's own home at Hunsford)?
I think the real reason Austen includes Mary's comments about the admiral is that they provide a great foil for Fanny's discretion; she has so much reason herself to complain or make fun of her aunts and uncle, yet she never does. And we get to see in that conversation between Fanny and Edmund that Edmund disapproves of Mary's behavior -- and still he pursues her.
From a literary perspective, this is a brilliant move by Austen: we readers know right away that Mary is not good for Edmund, but he doesn't know it, so we get to watch (along with poor Fanny) all the heartache that will ensue for both of them.
But from a character standpoint: well, in that moment, I really don't like Edmund and Fanny, and I am rooting for Mary Crawford. Later, she proves herself unworthy -- not because she dares to criticize her uncle (who deserves criticism); not because she wants to take part in the play; but because she is unwilling to take a good honest look at herself and make a choice about what matters most to her.
And Fanny -- she grows as a character, and so I can grow to love her. I think her dislike of Mary is, early on, rooted as much in her jealousy as it is in her recognition of Mary's faults. Fanny after Plymouth is much more secure in herself, and she sees herself and Mary with clearer vision. She has come to understand that basic tenet of stoicism: she can control only herself, not others. I really do admire her by the end of the book. And I can even forgive Edmund for being blind because he, too, recognizes by the end of the book how she is his superior!
This is all a very long way of saying again that I loved your post, and I'm looking forward to reading your novel one of these days!
All the best,
Christina

I agree there are some things in her background that make her sympathetic, but Fanny has had it at least as bad (though in different ways) and manages to behave herself (as you pointed out).
I also agree modern readers are more likely to question why Fanny and Edmund seem to think it's so wrong for her to speak ill of her uncle. I never thought what she said was that bad and we know he is just a terrible person so maybe Edmund and Fanny are being a little overly fastidious here. And Fanny's accusation of ingratitude I think particularly interesting. Both she and Miss Crawford are raised by uncles and Fanny seems to think Miss Crawford should feel the same level of gratitude as herself. But Fanny is penniless and Miss Crawford is not -- her fortune generates an income, did her uncle have control of that income while he was her guardian? And then to try to blame it all on her poor mistreated aunt, is a bit of a stretch for me. So I agree with you that their conversation has to be read within the cultural and social standards of the time period. As for Elizabeth, she does say some unflattering things about Collins when Darcy visits her alone but I think she's figured out that Darcy pretty much shares her opinion about Collins.
I completely agree with you, much as I dislike Mary, she does have very good reason to have ill feelings towards her uncle. she has just had to leave her uncle's home because he brought in his mistress (without marrying her, right?) yes, that is exactly right.
I find it interesting that you feel like Fanny has grown as a character by the end of the novel. I have always thought that unlike all the other novels where there is personal growth by the heroine, there is an inverted dynamic in MP where Fanny pretty much stays the same and everyone around her grows -- even Sir Thomas. She is never wrong (the opposite of Emma who is never right!)
I too am glad Edmund finally realized Fanny's superiority in the end, but I still don't think he deserves her.
Thanks again for your insightful comments.
AML

Okay, enough rambling from me. Thanks again, and best of luck with writing!

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