Redemptive Trauma: A Clerical Review (NYC)
This is an intense read about an intense ride–the author’s life from childhood trauma through deprivation of ministry and insights for the healing journey after. The chapters are brief, the language raw, the experiences covered and reflected back on even more raw–from suburban Toronto home to downtown cardinal Parish to a secret Mexican getaway and a Nashville treatment centre–by way of PTSD and ACEs. While the author does not deny his culpability and inability to self-control, he adds layers of insight. Here, toxic Christianity has both a family and institutional, hierarchical Church dimension. Yes, family, they can f*** you up and also hold you from breaking apart. The Church’s wounding administration of sexual formation may not be new, but here the adoption of “coming out” dynamics and LGBT insights for a self-identified straight man could be how to move on from being a substance addicted hollow man. How to come out from under the bus? By perceiving the power of sin and confession, the Cross and receiving and integrating grace and mercy. In some ways this is a classical journey for redemption—with the understanding that there are pains that heal, that our wounds can give us the eyes to see the brokenness in others. In accepting and embracing a truer identity (“I am my story”), Giffen points the way, holds up the shattered mirror and sees a new man. He is not naive about the difficulties caused nor the costly dynamics of truth telling and reconciliation. This is not a simple tale of midlife crisis, of questioning faith, of clerical collar burn. Real pain is caused and suffered. But the points to ponder lie in how this all can bring about real healing and a better man for himself and others. The final sections of the book are worth re-reading for any seeking to gather up their own broken bits with the help of others. It may have taken almost forty years for the author to have and offer these breakthrough realizations about the life experiment and to accept them and integrate them supported by the love of a community of old friends and new family; but that leaves the time ahead. Once set apart by ordination, David Giffen offers us a man now set apart by laying orders down and taking up new life. Blessings on that journey ahead, and thanks for taking us along. Of course, if we are not on the same intense journey, what is our own being doing?
William Derby, Rector Emeritus
St Edward the Martyr, New York City
Father William Derby was born in California and grew up in and around New York City. He studied History and Art History at Rutgers and Harvard. He holds a divinity degree from the Episcopal Theological School in Cambridge Mass. and a degree in Spiritual Direction from The General Theological Seminary in New York City.
