Why I would not survive in a post-apocalyptic world...

Survivalist: Come with me! The zombie horde draws near!

Me: Sure thing. Just let me grab my wedge pillow.

Survivalist: We must flee now!

Me: Right. It’s just that I snore and the wedge pillow helps—

Survivalist: Yeah. Okay.

Me: I’d hate for zombies to find us some night because I’m snoring.

Survivalist: I get it. Now, let’s go.

Me: And my allergy pills.

Survivalist: Hurry.

Me: Oh, and I should grab my other glasses.

Survivalist: You have your glasses.

Me: No, these are for distance. I also need my reading glasses.

Survivalist: The zombie horde—

Me: Yup. Let’s go.

Survivalist: Great. Come this… Are you wearing flip-flops?

Me: Yeah.

Survivalist: You need boots.

Me: Well, I have a whole toenail thing going on. It needs to breathe.

Survivalist: Fine. Whatever. Now, run!

Me: Can we keep it at a mosey? I get a cramp when—

Survivalist: Dear God! The zombies are upon us! Gah! I’m bitten!

Me: That reminds me, I should grab the insect repellent.