Soundtrack by Winger

32. Only Child – Jesse Osburn

As an only child myself, I am incredibly pleased that I was not born solely to be taken to a lake on vacation and sacrificed. It makes it seem like more of an achievement to still be alive. And stuff. I didn’t even have to find a hidden cave or anything.

I honestly had some trouble keeping track of who the characters were in this, I guess because they needed a lot of fodder children and so there had to be the many names – no siblings = lots of last names. I also don’t really get the point of bothering to ground your child when you’re about to try and kill her. That’s pretty pointless. Why make the pointless death worse?

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Mortemer will figure out the secrets of the outdoors if he has to circle this laundry basket until his birthday.