I Don’t Mind That You Choose Not To Wear A Mask If…

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Hey, I don’t really mind that you choose not to wear a mask. I get that you want the right to choose for yourself. I’m pleased that you are ready to stand up for human rights and are opposed to all forms of totalitarianism.

So, in the same spirit of individual liberty and freedom, I’m sure you won’t mind if I choose drive myself home after a long evening of drinking. I think you’ll agree that it’s a small price to pay to keep the government from controlling what we do. I’m an excellent driver with a very clean driving history.

On the way home, I may get the urge to pee. My bladder doesn’t hold as much as it used to. I’ll just pull over and relieve myself on a lawn. How is it that really different than a neighbourhood dog peeing outside? If it happens to be your property, I’m sure you’ll understand. Besides, I saw a YouTube video that said it’s good for your garden.

While we’re on the topic of driving, I’m really annoyed by red lights and stop signs. They stretch out the length of every trip. If I’m running late, I would like to make them optional. And speed limits too. I’m sure you would agree that we don’t need so many rules especially not for the silly reason of keeping strangers safe. I should be able to choose how to drive. After all, it’s my car and if I total it then so be it.

I’ve begun cigar smoking in public places. I’m tired of being treated like a criminal because I enjoy an occasional cigar. I know several doctors who suggest second hand smoke presents no hazard. I’m sure you would agree.

I plan on having a big neighbourhood BBQ on the next long weekend. You’re invited. I’ll be grilling chicken. I understand that you’re probably used to having your chicken cooked to 165 degrees. Now I saw a meme on Facebook that indicates 100 degrees is just fine and I agree with it. Those so-called experts are just being overly cautious. I’m sure you don’t want to encroach on my beliefs. Some of you may get sick, but almost everyone survives food poisoning. For those who don’t, well they must not have a strong constitution and it’ll be like culling the head.