Why do I push my boundaries?

Why do human beings need adventure? Why do we crave new experiences? Why do I push my boundaries and say yes to scary things? Why do I run?

Running is hard! It’s a challenge. It can feel like you’re just really bad at it but it can also make you feel amazing and it’s given me so much.

This blog is inspired by fellow Chiltern Harrier Rik’s blog about why he runs. Read Why am I doing this? if you are a runner, and even if you’re not. If you’re a runner you will be saying yes, yes, yes, yes Rik! And if you’re not a runner, this might inspire you to give it a try.

Runner sculpture at Churt, Surrey



Why take the risk?

Why do I push myself? To say yes, when sometimes things scare me? To put myself in risky situations like eating out, when I know I am severely allergic to nuts and dairy? Why do I accept challenges that put me way out of my comfort zone?

Because even though sometimes, having life threatening allergies can be terrifying, life can’t be lived by hiding at home. Having eczema can make any exercise a challenge but again, going out for painful, uncomfortable runs while my skin was pretty bad did help me heal.

If you just say no. Give in. Sit and wait to heal. If you live in a bubble, life won’t come to you. You have to go out there and grab it! I think it’s the same with healing. You CAN have an effect on your healing journey. You can make that journey better.

Living through this lockdown has made many of us feel isolated and like we are trapped at home. For me, it’s actually been a revelation. It took away a lot of the normal anxieties, like meals out, dinner invitations, coffee shops, going on dates! I had a healing crisis (really shitty skin from topical steroid withdrawal) which meant no pressure to go out, be seen or visit anyone. I could legitimately hide my face. But recently I realised I’ve used it as an excuse to stay at home in my safe place.

And that’s OK. At times it’s good to make your world smaller so you can find some strength to carry on. I’ve learnt a lot about myself and what’s important to me over these last few months and I’ve actually thrived during this period of isolation. But now we are all coming out of our homes and trying to get back to some kind of new normal, it’s got me thinking.

Whilst some of the limitations I place on myself must remain, such as always carrying two adrenaline auto-injectors, my inhaler, always planning and checking meals out. Carefully planning holidays and yes, my holiday destinations are limited to countries and places where I can have some control over my eating environment. And that’s OK with me. If I have my running shoes, my hiking boots, books, music, coffee, cake and beer I’m in heaven.

Now I am saying yes to things, because having faced death a few too many times, I am just so grateful to be here. I feel alive. I feel so bloody alive!

I love my life, my home, my family and my amazing friends and support network. Thank you all for being there for me.

And throughout this period of isolation, the healing, the realisations and the lessons I’ve learnt have often solidified on a run. Running was the one constant throughout lockdown. I ran, from day one.

I ran because it made me feel alive.

Reaching new heights (from the back of bench) for a Chiltern Harriers Lockdown Challenge

I ran because if my exercise was mandated and restricted I was going to use it!

I ran because I live alone and getting out of the house on a daily basis is good for the soul.

Because I have always loved running, since I was a child. It comes naturally to me. That feeling of stretching the legs, lengthening the stride and feeling the muscles burn.

That feeling of running so hard you can’t go another step further.

Because the sound of my feet hitting the ground, the birds singing and the wind in the trees made me feel free.

I ran to see the bluebells, that carpet of colour that never fails to lift my spirit. The smell of the delicate violet flowers is one of my favourites.

Why do I run? – pushing my boundaries…

I ran to see the rhododendrons with their huge blowsy displays that transformed the woods into another world.

I ran with an eye for all the faces on the ancient tree trunks; some smiling, some sad, some threatening to whomp down a branch if you weren’t careful. Some cheeky, winking, crying, screaming and even some very rude ones!

The fallen branches resembling creatures just waiting to pounce or guarding secret lands.

Sometimes I can almost hear the trees speaking and buds unfurling; to me the woods are magical and alive.

During lockdown I ran to get out, to get through it, to make sense of it, to renew, to heal, to grow, to think, to learn, to cry, to live!

And now I run… whenever I can. When I am fit and able, you can find me running.

I run on trails, through fields, woods and countryside because being in nature fills me up.

I run to get faster, because there is nothing quite like a PB, a crown or a medal after a race.

Because even a really rubbish run lifts my mood.

I run because the place where I live is so beautiful, mostly unappreciated and blissfully quiet.

And it wasn’t because there was a running club session in my diary, or because it was Parkrun, although I do miss Parkrun.

Nb: If you miss Parkrun, you can take part in Fly5k – the virtual run anywhere Saturday 5k. It’s free to take part and you get to see your time alongside other local and global runners! It has an active Facebook page where you can share your PBs, run selfies and congratulate others. But most of all it’s fun and is one of the things that’s given me back that buzz to strive for faster times! Lockdown made me slow and steady. Fly5k gave me a lifetime PB of 23:44