“Mistaken Identity and Crossed Wires”

This story is a follow-on to Melanie Rachel’s “Mistaken Identity and Cold Showers.” You should read her story first at: https://melanierachel.weebly.com/storiesextras/mistaken-identities-and-cold-showers. Then come back here to read about our beloved Richard Fitzwilliam’s own romantic antics.

Richard was distracted.

He really was trying to listen to Andrew’s discussion of England’s current rugby premiership standings, and normally he would have been happy to spend his lunch arguing about Exeter versus Sale. His brother had only flown in to New York for the day, after all. But he’d glimpsed a girl at a neighboring table just before taking his seat, and now he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Their table was a little ahead of him on the right, giving him the perfect view. She had shoulder-length hair that was dyed a bright copper red, and it had a spiky look to it that he found intriguing, along with her dark, snapping eyes and mischievous smile.

“Nah, I think Saracens will take it all,” Andrew said.

Richard shrugged, not really listening. “Yeah, maybe.”

He wondered what his chances would be if he asked her out once he’d got rid of his brother. Girls usually hated getting asked out by a bloke who just walked up to them, but what other option did he have? If he didn’t try now, he might never see the girl again. Now he just needed to get shot of Andrew.

Andrew flicked Richard’s forehead. “Bruv, seriously, Saracens? They’re in last! Have you lost the plot?” He turned his head and saw the table with the girls. “Ohhh.”

That was not a good sign. Not at all. “It’s nothing.”

“No, you like that girl, don’t you? I don’t blame you, she’s a bit of alright.”

“I was just lost in thought.”

Andrew flicked him again, his favorite move since they were kids. “Whatever. Go and chat her up.”

“Later.” No way was he asking a girl out in front of his brother.

“No, now.” Andrew stood up and strode towards the table. Shit. Richard leaped to his feet and followed before his brother ruined his chances.

“Ladies,” Andrew was saying, bowing slightly. He knew how to use his accent to his advantage, that one did. He grinned broadly at the girl’s friend, a beautiful brunette. To Richard’s horror, Andrew said to the wrong girl, “My brother fancies you and wants to ask you out—”

The brunette looked at him with wide eyes, then exchanged a glance with her friend.

“But he has better manners than to interrupt your lunch.” Richard gave the women a winning smile and glared at his brother. “I’m so sorry, we don’t let him out often, but this is visiting day.”

The redhead snorted. He would have been mentally punching the air with happiness at amusing her, if only his brother wasn’t here!

The wanker was making a hash out of the whole thing. He wasn’t about to correct his brother and risk insulting the brunette in front of her friend.

“You should take him horseback riding, Lizzy,” the redhead said.

“Lizzy” rolled her eyes. She smiled at Richard and Andrew. “I promised Charlotte here that I would get over my dislike of horses and go horseback riding at least once.”

Richard raised his eyebrows. “I love horses. I’d be happy to go with you. I know just the place.”

He left the restaurant with a date and a phone number. Not with the woman he had intended to ask out, but Lizzy was pretty and horse riding sounded fun. Still, he was gutted to realize that he would almost certainly have to write off Charlotte as a potential date, since it rarely went well to date two girls who were friends.

“You wanker!” Richard said, punching his brother on the shoulder as they walked away from the restaurant. “That wasn’t the girl I was looking at!”

“What are you on about? I did you a favor!” Andrew rubbed his shoulder and glared at Richard.

They stopped at the crosswalk, and Richard paced the sidewalk with anxious energy. “The redhead, plonker! I liked the redhead!”

Andrew scrunched up his face. “You’re having me on, aren’t you? She wasn’t nearly as pretty. And not even a real ginger. The brunette was positively fit.”

Richard sighed. There was no reasoning with the nutter. “Exeter Chiefs will win the premiership, anyway.”

“Ha!” Andrew crowed. “So you were listening! Only you’re wrong. Chiefs might be in first, but everybody knows that won’t last. No, it’s Sale Sharks who’ll take the premiership, wait and see.”

Richard pulled out his phone to check how long he had before his brother’s flight out. He forgot, sometimes, why they were better friends with an ocean between them.

*-*-*

“Shit, shit, shit.” Richard was going to be late, and there was protein powder all over the counter. He swept it off the counter into a bowl. The counters were clean enough, right? The way Will went at them, you would think that he expected the Queen for an imminent visit.

It wasn’t like Richard was a complete mess. He did his laundry, threw his trash away, and wiped the counter after spills. He just didn’t see that it always needed to be done right away. If you were making a plate of food and got some crumbs or sauce on the counter, why wipe it up right away? You were going to have to bring the plate back in and put it in the dishwasher later, anyway, so why not do it then? Besides, it was far more efficient to wipe the whole counter once or twice a day rather than to wipe it every time you made food.

And when you were eating a pizza or popcorn or drinking soda while watching a movie, who wanted to pause the movie to take their trash into the kitchen? Will, that’s who, but certainly not Richard. Of course, Will would finish his pizza, glare at Richard, then collect both of their pizza plates and empty soda cans and make Richard feel like a complete tosser.

They would probably both be happier if Richard got his own place. He did intend to . . . eventually. But he worried about Will. Will was becoming a real workaholic and headed for a heart attack at fifty like his father. He wasn’t sure his methods of getting Will to loosen up had any effect, but he had to try something.

Of course, making a mess all over the kitchen floor was probably not the best way to go about it. It was a good thing Will had left without noticing.

Elizabeth would be here in just a few minutes. Could he get away with leaving the powder on the floor for now? He should probably change into something more . . . date-like. What did one even wear on a horse riding date? He suspected his usual jeans and t-shirt might not be up to par.

A voice from the doorway startled him. “Why does your roommate think I’m a handyman?”

Richard jerked, dropping the bowl of powder on the floor. The plastic bowl didn’t break, fortunately, but despite Will’s uptight cleaning habits, it probably wasn’t a good idea to sweep it up off the floor. He looked up at the doorway to see Lizzy lounging against the side of the door. She was early, and looked oddly flushed—had Will embarrassed her by mistaking her for the handyman?

“Crap, sorry. Had a mishap in the kitchen. You’re early.”

Her eyes swept around the kitchen, and Richard wondered what she saw. Okay, so the protein powder hadn’t been the only mishap that morning. Who the heck kept a cupboard crammed full of storage containers, anyway? It wasn’t his fault they’d all fallen out when he opened it.

Lizzy smiled as she saw what she was looking for and pulled out a broom. She handed it to Richard, eyebrows raised. “I’m not early. I’m on time. Are you one of those “ten minutes late counts as ‘on time’ people? And you didn’t answer me about the plumber thing.”

“Plumbing problems. He wants me to call the super. I suppose he thought you were the super.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What kind of plumbing problems?” She eyed the broom, then Richard. He took the hint and got to work sweeping up the powder.

“The loo,” he said as he dumped the dustpan into the rubbish bin. “It’s blocked.”

“Tried plunging it?”

“Do I look like a complete tosser?”

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and looking knowingly at the mess of plastic storage containers and protein powder that were still all over the counters.

Richard winced. Not the best second impression he’d ever made. He sighed.

“Of course I tried plunging it.” Admittedly, he would have been tempted to leave it for Will if it weren’t that Will was going to work and he was going to be home, aside from their date. Plunging hadn’t done a thing, though. “I think one of Georgiana’s scrunchies may have gone down.”

She laughed. “That would be a pretty big scrunchie. Trust me, I have sisters. Usually those go straight through. Want me to take a look? I’ve helped my dad handle a fair share of plumbing problems. And my roommate, Charlotte, works on a lot of construction sites, so I’ve learned a lot of repair stuff from her.”

Forty minutes later, Richard was trying not to laugh as Elizabeth straddled the toilet, hauled it up with a grip near its base, and duck-walked towards the cardboard she’d had him lay on the bathroom floor.

“Yes, I know I look ridiculous,” she got out through gritted teeth. “Maybe you could help instead of gawking?”

“I dunno, gawking is much more fun,” he said, but he grabbed the cistern as soon as she was far enough out of the corner and he could reach.

They got it settled on the cardboard, then Elizabeth tipped the toilet back. “Stabilize this for me so I don’t lose the seal,” she ordered as she dug around in the bottom. “Ah-hah!”

She pulled out something that Richard recognized immediately. “A paper cup!” He frowned. “I guess it was Georgiana after all.”

“Recognize it?”

He scratched his head. “Yeah, um . . . she bought these, said the mug I have in the bathroom was disgusting and unsanitary. She was enthralled with these adorable little cups she found at the store and the fact that they were called ‘Dixie.’ Then right as she was leaving, she told me maybe my mug was a better idea after all, as she’d accidentally flushed one.”

Elizabeth widened her eyes, looking from the box of cups on the counter to the place where the toilet usually stood. “How exactly does one ‘accidentally’ flush one?”

“She said she tossed one at the trash can right after she’d flushed the toilet. Missed the trash can.”

She raised her eyebrows. “So your friend told you about flushing it, but when the toilet clogged, you didn’t put two and two together?”

“My cousin. I thought, if she’d flushed this down, maybe she’d flushed something else, too. The cup’s like, paper. Cardboard. Something. I mean, a paper cup isn’t so different from bog roll, right?”

“Bog roll?”

He rolled his eyes. “Loo roll. Toilet paper, you know.”

“You call it bog roll? That’s disgusting. Makes me think of, I don’t know, squatting in the woods around a swamp to, you know.”

“Well, there is the phrase ‘swamp ass.’”

She threw a roll at him. “They’re nothing alike, anyway. It’s harder and thicker than ‘bog roll’ and it’s waxed so that it doesn’t fall apart when you put water into it. That makes it *not* flushable. You wouldn’t try to flush a cardboard box down the toilet, would you?”

“Depends on if I was tossing it at the trash can and missed.” He picked up the cup and examined it. “You know, come to think of it, this cup came out of the toilet pretty much pristine. I wonder if Will would notice if—”

“Don’t you dare.” Elizabeth poked him in the chest, hard. “All right, I’m going to get this back in place. You get to help line up the john bolts.”

By the time they had the toilet in place, Richard had called the stable to cancel their horse ride. While Elizabeth finished bolting the toilet into place, she made him clean the sink and the bathroom. It had been a little embarrassing to fumble to find cleaning supplies and throw his boxers in the laundry in front of her.

“You really know your stuff,” Richard said as she finished and loaded her supplies back into her toolbox. “You know all this from your dad?”

“Some of it, yeah. You wouldn’t believe the stuff that he’s had to deal with. He can handle the basic stuff, but when there was something he couldn’t handle, he’d call our neighbor, Charlotte. She’s my roommate, now, but we grew up next door. She’s a few years older than me, so she’d come over to rescue us all the time. Not just toilets, but frozen water lines, holes in drywall, needing more outlets for people to plug in their phones, whatever. I’m not as squeamish as my sisters, so I’d hang out and help her, which is how we got to be friends.”

Richard tried to tamp down his enthusiasm to hear more of Charlotte. “She sounds like a useful neighbor!”

“You have no idea.” Elizabeth shook her head, smiling. “Well, she’s really an electrician, but she knows a lot about plumbing and woodworking, too. She actually reads up on that stuff for fun.”

“Were water heaters one of those things?” The toilet was one thing, but Richard knew he was going to look like even more of an idiot. Who didn’t know how to relight their pilot light? “I turned the hot water off for a bit of a prank on Will, but then I couldn’t get it to come back on again.”

Elizabeth shook her head, chuckling. “Did you read the directions on the water heater?”

“Directions are for prats,” he blustered, but in reality he hadn’t thought to look on the heater itself. He’d planned on Googling it later.

Elizabeth could have just relit the water heater for him, as she clearly knew how, but instead she read the directions aloud and made him do it. She and Will would get along great. They could probably even put IKEA cabinets together without hating each other by the end.

He felt a sudden rush of excitement. Will really might be a good match for her. And she might distract Will from being on his case all the time about the flat. And if she and Will got together, maybe she’d bring Charlotte along sometimes.

“So, I noticed you watching us at the restaurant,” Elizabeth said as she washed her hands.

Richard cleared his throat. “You did?”

“And by ‘us’ I mean ‘Charlotte.’”

Richard let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I mean, you’re a pretty girl. Woman. Beautiful woman. You know what I mean.”

She laughed. “Yes, I do.”

“But it was your friend that I was looking at. My brother’s taste runs more to women with your look, so . . .”

“He misunderstood. And you played the gentleman and didn’t want to insult me—”

“Hey!” Richard protested. “I didn’t just play the gentleman. I was a gentleman. But I was a bit gutted when I realized the cock-up.”

“Well, you owe me a decent meal after the free plumbing assistance.”

He nodded, but she wasn’t done. “How about I’ll call Charlotte and see if she can meet us? I don’t know if she’s on a job today or if she can break for lunch, but you never know.”

“You. Are. The. Best. In fact, I should really introduce you to my cousin Will. Or, reintroduce you, I guess, since you’ve technically met him.”

Elizabeth laughed. “The guy who thought I was your plumber?”

“You can’t hold that against him. It’ll be a great story to tell at parties if you hit it off.” Richard would pay to see that. In fact, the best part about setting Elizabeth up with Will would be that he would never, ever live that down.

Elizabeth seemed to be considering it. “Your cousin, huh? Is he anything like you?”

Richard frowned, considering. “Not really. I mean, he’s my best friend, but we’re not so good as flat mates. He’s obsessively tidy, I’m not so much.”

“Really?” Elizabeth said with dripping sarcasm.

“He’d have read the directions to the water heater, too.”

She shook her head, laughing. “Well, already he has two points in his favor. Three, because I will freely admit he’s a beautiful specimen of a man. But I think I may have to subtract one for him thinking I’m the plumber.”

“Women can be plumbers! And it’s a good, solid job, too. Makes a good living. Why does he lose a point?”

“For deductive reasoning skills. For one, I had no tools with me, and what plumber would want to go all the way back down to the garage for their tools?”

“True.”

She gave him a mischievous grin. “But that’s not the most obvious reason he should have known.”

“What’s that?”

“He assumed you, the guy who won’t even read the directions on the water heater, would have called the super!”

***

“No, he really wants you to join us. No, it didn’t really end up being much of a date. I mean, seriously, we spent most of the time working on his toilet. You might consider that a fun date, now that I think about it. Anyway, at the restaurant, his brother—no, come on, you have to take lunch sometime.”

Richard frowned as he watched Elizabeth pacing and talking on her mobile. It didn’t sound as though Charlotte was going to join them. Just his luck, the prettiest girl he had met in months, and she wouldn’t even give him a chance.

Elizabeth finally hung up with a sigh. “I don’t know why she’s so reluctant,” she said, dropping onto the couch. “I thought I saw her looking at you at Delia’s. She seemed like she didn’t want to horn in on our date, but I tried to explain.”

“Is she working?” Richard had a germ of an idea. Maybe it had been a mistake to let Elizabeth call Charlotte to join them, instead of just asking Elizabeth if he could call Charlotte another time. If he could just talk to her in person . . .

“Yeah, she’s at a new building development on Cunningham today.”

“How far down Cunningham?” he asked, grabbing his wallet. Then he suddenly realized that he had, after all, agreed to buy Elizabeth lunch.

She laughed. “Sounds like I’ll have to let you buy me lunch another time! Cunningham and Third, I think, or somewhere around there. Just look for the new construction.”

“I’m sorry.” Richard felt like a jerk. “I could—”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, punching him on the shoulder. “I should prepare for the GIS seminar I’m speaking at, anyway. Apparently, the scheduled speaker is home with the flu.”

“GIS seminar? I’ll bet that’s the same one I’m attending. Tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yeah!” She looked surprised. “I never really thought to ask what you do.”

“Our family—Will’s and mine, I mean—sells organic produce. Supply chain management is one of my specialties, so I’ve been planning to attend. Thinking about dragging Will along, too.” More so now that he knew Elizabeth was going to be speaking. Wouldn’t that be fun, especially if Will still thought Elizabeth was a plumber.

She stood up and started collecting her things. “Maybe you can make up for lunch by buying me dinner after the conference.”

Perfect idea. “It’s a date. Or, you know, not. Hey, I’ll be with my cousin, Will.”

Elizabeth stopped and squinted at him. “Are you trying to set me up, now?”

“Just trying to relieve my guilt at fancying your friend over you.” He gave her a sideways grin.

She threw a cushion at him.

***

He had no idea how he was going to find Charlotte once he reached the block of townhouses where she was working. He needn’t have worried, though. He saw her as he approached the first block of townhouses, shiny white from the Tyvex insulation while they waited for their wall cladding. A few men were eating, either alone or in groups. Two women and a man were talking while looking at the exterior of one building, and there were several others going in and out as he watched. But Charlotte’s bright red hair made her easy to pick out amongst the others.

She was sitting in the bed of an old blue pickup truck, unwrapping a sandwich. Her head was down, so she didn’t see him approach.

“No time for a lunch break, eh?” he asked.

She looked up, startled, and dropped her sandwich on the ground. She leapt out of the pickup truck to grab it, but Richard was there first.

“I’m so sorry!” The sandwich was already covered with dirt on one side. “I was going to see if I could convince you to come out to lunch with me, but I didn’t mean to sabotage your sandwich.”

Charlotte squinted at him. “You expect me to believe that?” She pointed a finger at his chest. “The timing is very suspicious. I think you came down here with the sole intent of destroying my sandwich.” She glared at him, and, from the corner of his eye, Richard suddenly noticed a man approaching.

“Char, this guy harassing you?” the man asked, hands on hips.

She chuckled. “Nah, I’m the one giving him a hard time. Thanks for checking, Shaun.”

“Nice that your workmates look out for you,” Richard said as the man lumbered off.

“Are you implying that I need looking after?”

Richard sat down on the bed of the truck next to her, glad to see that she didn’t shove him off. “Not in the slightest. I mean, no more than I would. Did you see the size of that bloke? He could break me in half. Glad it wasn’t his sandwich that I made fall on the ground.”

Charlotte looked ruefully down at her sandwich. “I guess you do owe me lunch now.”

Charlotte only had an hour for lunch, so they had to stick with a subway shop that was close to the building site. Richard was impressed with Charlotte’s appetite.

“I don’t know if I could eat a footlong meatball sub myself,” he said.

She gave him a sideways look. “Are you intimidated?”

“Are you trying to intimidate me?” he shot back. “Admittedly, I’m usually the one who finishes off all the leftovers in the fridge. I’m not sure I want competition there.”

She chuckled. “Your own leftovers, or your roommate’s?”

“Usually his. But Will’s a good sport.”

“Or he’s silently fuming.” She shook her head, smiling. “My roommate and I drive each other crazy. She’s one of those ‘everything in its place’ people, and me . . . not so much.” She leaned over the table. “Wanna know how to really freak out your roommate?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Tell me. I’m always looking for new pranks.”

“Wander out of the bathroom, and say, ‘Hey, have you seen our toothbrush?’”

Richard choked. “That’s brilliant! He would be horrified. I was just planning to hide the remote control. Or maybe wrap it up in plastic wrap. Well, I might still do that anyway.” He gave an affected sigh. “Life is far too serious, so it’s up to us to improve it.” He leaned forward. “Okay, what’s the funniest thing you’ve come across as an electrician?”

“Oh, hands down, it was the secret switch inside a kitchen cabinet.” She laughed. “I was doing some rewiring in a rental house, and I found this weird setup in the kitchen. Turns out that the house belonged to a man who had five teenagers. Apparently, they used to take super long hot showers and it drove him crazy, so he installed a switch that cut power to the hot water heater. If somebody had been in the shower for over ten minutes . . . bam. There goes the hot water. And as far as the kid knew, the hot water had just run out.”

“Bloody brilliant. I would probably install one of those if I had five teenagers, too! How do you even have five teenagers at a time? Twins?”

Charlotte shuddered. “Poor planning!” She blanched and glanced at her phone. “Oh, speaking of poor planning, I’d better make sure I’m not late getting back to work. I need to finish the wiring in this first block so they can insulate tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you back,” he said, standing up quickly. “I have to work tomorrow. There’s a conference . . . actually, your roommate Elizabeth is giving the talk, I hear. But maybe we can do something over the weekend?”

To his surprise, Charlotte flinched. “Look, Richard . . .”

Nothing good ever started with, “Look, Richard.” He ought to know, he’d heard it often enough.

“I thought we had a good time,” he protested.

Charlotte shook her head. “I mean, yes, we did, but I won’t be a guy’s second choice.”

Richard frowned as they started down the street towards the construction zone. “Didn’t Elizabeth tell you? You were never my second choice.”

“Elizabeth’s awesome, I get that.” Had she not listened at all? “And stunning. Way prettier than me. I get it, I do. But I still don’t want to date a guy because he struck out with her roommate. She nodded to the intersection at the corner of the development. “Here’s where we part ways.”

Struck out with her roommate? “You Americans and your baseball idioms. I didn’t ‘strike out’ with your flat mate.” Charlotte waved him off and started across the last street. “She wasn’t the one I wanted to ask out in the first place!” He shouted the last, but Charlotte made no indication that she’d heard.

***

Richard took a giant bite of pizza he’d just had delivered and immediately regretted it. Hot hot hot! He blew steam from his mouth like a dragon while waving at his mouth frantically until it had cooled enough that he could swallow.

While he gave it a minute to cool, he pulled out his mobile and called Elizabeth.

“You’re one of those people who actually use their cell phones to call people, huh?” Her voice was laughing.

“There’s a reason it’s called a mobile phone, you know.” He shook his head and took another bite of his pizza.

“How did it go?”

He swallowed and shrugged, even though she couldn’t see him. “Not so well.”

“Oh, no, I was sure she’d like you. How’d you screw up?”

“I didn’t! We had fun, but she didn’t like that I’d asked you out first. The end.”

There was a long pause. “I’m really sorry, Richard. Maybe you could try calling her and explaining?”

He leaned back on the couch. “Maybe. I’m knackered. Ended up going in for a half day after she ditched me. And maybe Will got to me a bit about skiving off. I don’t have her mobile, though.”

“Got a pen?”

He grabbed the pen he’d used to sign for the pizza, then his copy of the receipt. “Ready.”

He wrote down the number she dictated. “Will she even answer?” he asked, skeptical. “Unknown number and all that?”

“You won’t know unless you try.”

“Brilliant. So now I go from the tosser who asked out her flat mate first, to the creepy stalker who has her mobile number. This doesn’t seem like an improvement.” Not that he was going to let that stop him.

She laughed. “Then give her a day before you call her. And don’t call her too late. She has to wake up early for work.”

Brilliant, now he was picturing Charlotte getting ready for bed. He shook himself out of it. If he’d needed any inducement to try again, he had it now.

***

The next morning, Richard sat with his head in his hands while Will paced about, talking on his mobile. Stupid wanker. If Will weren’t such a nutter about his flat being in perfect order, he’d have Charlotte’s number and could give her a bell. Not like the receipt had been hurting anybody on the coffee table. Whether she’d answer or not was anybody’s guess, but at least he’d have a shot.

He could ask Elizabeth for Charlotte’s number again, but she’d already gone out on a limb for him in giving him the number once. Would she have second thoughts if he asked again?

At least Will’s love life was about to look up. He’d used Will’s guilt over throwing away the receipt to convince him to come to the GIS seminar with him. Even if the guy was a complete wanker sometimes, he’d be perfect for Elizabeth. Learning that the blocked loo had actually been Will’s sister’s fault, not Richard’s, had been the final step to get him to agree.

Will said goodbye to Georgiana, pocketed his phone, and turned to Richard. “I’ll be there.” He adjusted his tie, frowning slightly.

Richard refrained from rubbing his hands together at his little prank. It would be downright hilarious to see Will’s reaction when he saw that the “plumber” was actually the keynote speaker at the GIS conference. No way would Richard warn Will in advance. This was going to be entertaining.

Will looked around the living room and gave an aggravated sigh. Before Richard could even pretend he cared about the state of the room, Will grabbed the empty glass next to Richard and the newspaper from the coffee table, popped the coaster back into its tray and tossed a cushion back into its usual position on his way to the kitchen.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Richard called, putting his feet up on the coffee table now that there was room.

“Get your feet off my coffee table,” Will called without looking back. “For crying out loud, sometimes I think you’re adopted. Uncle Chris and Aunt Leigh keep a clean house.”

“Nah, you’re the one who was adopted.” Richard winked at Will when he returned to the living room. “Cleanest kid at the orphanage. How could they resist? I bet the secret is that Aunt Anne and Uncle George are major slobs, but you clean up after them so nobody knows their terrible secret.”

Will laughed, then frowned. “Where’s the remote?”

“Uh.” Richard handed the plastic-wrapped remote to Will with a grin. “Sorry not sorry.”

***

Richard tapped his foot as he watched Will flirt with Elizabeth at the restaurant table. At least, he was pretty sure that was what Will was doing. It was pretty pathetic, like watching a pimply-faced teen try to talk up a pretty girl.

He glanced at his mobile. When he talked to Elizabeth at the start of the GIS seminar, she had said that Charlotte was planning to join them for dinner, which had sounded perfect. He wouldn’t have to track her down or embarrass himself by asking Elizabeth for Charlotte’s number again.

Except that they were ready to order, and she wasn’t here yet.

And then she was.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, pulling out a chair next to Elizabeth. She froze as she recognized Richard.

“Hey,” he said, standing up quickly to hold her chair. She sat down slowly, glaring at Elizabeth.

“Charlotte, you know Richard Fitzwilliam, and this is his cousin, Will Darcy. They were both at the conference.”

Charlotte nodded and opened her menu without looking at Richard.

Richard sighed. There had to be a way to convince her.

Will and Elizabeth had really hit it off. The entire time he had been watching the door for Charlotte, the two of them had been talking nonstop about sushi and the history of Pemberley, and other mind-numbingly boring things.

Richard leaned forwards, towards Charlotte. “This reminds me of lunch with my brother,” he whispered.

She glanced up quickly, then back at her food. “Does it?”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I was staring at this girl the whole time. My brother thought I’d lost the plot when he was making wonky predictions about rugby and I agreed with him.”

Charlotte didn’t say anything.

“Then the wanker realized what was going on and decided to be my wingman, only he got it wrong. He walked right up to the table I’d been staring at, but he asked out the wrong girl.”

Her head came up suddenly. “No way.”

He laughed. “Yeah, he really is that much of a tosser. I mean, you saw him. Bloody moron. Ruined things with the girl I did like, because now I’ve asked her friend out first, she won’t have anything to do with me.”

“Maybe—”

She was interrupted when Will gave a sudden bark of laughter, startling them both. Richard frowned at him.

Will raised an eyebrow. “What do you think, Richard? Is this cup safe to drink from?”

Richard blanched and glared at Elizabeth, betrayed. It had been a joke, she didn’t have to go telling Will. Now Richard would have to hide his toothbrush in his room for a few weeks. Will didn’t have the light hand with pranks that Richard had. He’d go all scorched earth. Richard rolled his eyes at them both.

Charlotte laughed. “I heard about that cup.”

Richard shook his head. “I wasn’t really planning to put the cup out for him to use. Give a bloke some credit.”

“Roommate troubles?” She nodded towards Elizabeth. “Elizabeth and I have some interesting debates over my place. She’s one of those people who likes everything just so, you know, and I’m . . . more relaxed.”

“Yes!” Richard wanted to punch the air. “It’s your home, it’s supposed to be where you can let loose and slob out. Not a show home.” He leaned forward a bit. “I’ve made it a project to get him to lighten up a bit before he has a nervous breakdown. He just takes things so seriously.”

She smiled. “You’re a good friend. Cousin. Whatever.”

There was probably never going to be a perfect moment, but he had to ask. “So earlier, you started to say something before Will cut you off. I said you wouldn’t have anything to do with me . . . and I guess I was hoping you’d contradict me.”

“Contradict you?” She flicked him with her chopsticks. “That doesn’t sound like me at all.”

“I don’t know about that. I’d pegged you as a girl who would keep me on my toes.”

Charlotte sighed as she turned serious. “I’m probably overly sensitive, it’s just . . . there was this guy, Billy Collins.”

“Well, there’s your problem to start off. Billy? What, was he eight?”

She shook her head with a grin. “Considering his hair loss, no. Anyway, he wanted to go out with Lizzy, but she turned him down flat. So he asked me out. To my everlasting shame, I said yes. Dated him for a few months. But he always wanted to hang out at my apartment, and pretty soon, I realized it was because he still thought he had a chance with Lizzy. She travels a lot, so she’s in and out, so it took me a while to pick up on it. He cornered her in the bathroom at one point.”

Richard raised his eyebrows. “In your own flat?” He took a sip of his soda.

Charlotte grimaced. “Yep. Fortunately, Lizzy is pretty apt with self-defense. Poor guy can no longer procreate.”

Richard choked. “Blimey, Charlotte, give a bloke some warning, why don’t you?” He coughed, making her laugh. “I guess the world’s a better place for it.”

She smiled and took another bite of her dinner.

“I’m not him, Charlotte,” he said softly. “I’m not after Elizabeth. Hell, we were going to go out to lunch and mutually canceled it because she knew you were the one I was staring at. Give me a chance, will you?” He reached across the table and opened his hand in front of hers.

She blinked, gazing at his palm for a long moment. Finally, she put her hand in his. “A date, then.”

“We’ve already done dinner,” he said, looking around. Will and Elizabeth had disappeared. He hoped the wanker hadn’t left him with the check. “Lunch, too, come to think of it. We should do something different. Horse riding? I love riding, but Elizabeth said it was more your thing than hers. Or I could help you out with, I don’t know, whatever project you have going on. Not that I have any useful skills, but I’m a great assistant.”

She laughed. “Not that I’m insulting your abilities as an electrician’s assistant, but . . . let’s stick with horseback riding for now.”

He smiled, relieved that Andrew hadn’t completely sunk his chances forever. Not that he was sending him a thank-you card any time soon. The tosser. “It’s a date.”