Seven Beloved Things I Don't Get At All
I want to love whisky. It's a beautiful color. It has a long and storied history. It's a staple element of an extremely sexy male visual ensemble. It also smells and tastes like industrial-strength cough medicine. (Come on. You know it's true.)
2. Black, unsweetened coffee
God invented cream and sugar for a reason, people.
3. Celery
So devoid of taste it might as well be made of plaster of Paris. What little flavor there is is unpleasantly bitter. Nice crunch, but that's no more an argument for eating celery than it is for eating twigs. Give me a carrot any day.
4. Watching soccer
Men in knee socks zigzagging around a field in all directions for hours, resulting in a score like 1-0 or possibly no score at all. This is a sport?
5. Desserts that do not involve chocolate
Pies are nice, compotes are nice, but if you want something that tastes like fruit, eat fruit. You want dessert, eat chocolate.
6. Scooby-Doo
On the shortlist of all-time most unbearable kids' programming (right behind Bob the Builder, which is in a class by itself). I would rather memorize actuarial tables than watch Scooby-Doo.
7. Tiny, yappy dogs
Twee little dogs that bark a commanding, respectable bark are fine. Twee little dogs that bark a piercing, kvetching yap are not. (Although if they are yapping to protest having been forced to wear a sweater, I support them in their cause.)
