Why I Write

Lots of authors write for lots of different reasons.Some write because they love writing.Some write to escape their lives.Some write because they get a story that jumps into their mind and won't let go.Some write for the "lucrative" thrill of money and fame (can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? Writing is not the most lucrative career in the world. Most of the writers that I know have secondary jobs or have to put out two or three books a month in order to make ends meet and writing is not a quick process. So those authors are definitely to be commended).Whatever the reason, every writer has a reason for writing.With all of the amazingness that I've been experiencing with my books becoming ARe bestsellers (Unthinkable is now #2-thank you all so much!), I had forgotten why I started writing, why I keep writing. I'd almost stopped writing. As crazy as that sounds, and as much as I appreciated and am humbled by the support and the sheer number of people who bought my books, I couldn't believe that it was happening to me. Of all people. It was happening to me, Vicktor.Then last night I had a nightmare and it reminded me of why I write.In this dream I was an Alpha of a new wolf pack and my beta was a woman that I respected. The more I tried to bind my breasts or tried to "suppress the physical woman" that I saw, the more I saw her. But no one else saw her, they all saw the man. As soon as I stopped trying to suppress "me" to the world's standards and was just myself, then I saw the man that I was on the inside on the outside.We were touring the new pack lands when I heard a young boy screaming and crying. I took off running, with my Beta right behind me, though she'd heard nothing and didn't know what was going on. I raced up the stairs of this barn-turned-house and towards the sound of the young boy screaming and crying. Because my hearing was so acute, I could hear the conversation going on inside of the room (WARNING: This is a very intense and highly upsetting situation, though it's very realistic and happens every, single day).Older Boy: I have to do this to you. It's only until Stepfather makes me a man and then I won't have to do this any more.Younger Boy: Please, no. Stop it. It hurts. Please stop.Older Boy: I can't. Stepfather did it to me too. I'm only doing it so that he won't have to. And it's only until I'm a man.In the dream, I stood outside of the door, with one hand gripping the doorframe and the other hand gripping the doorknob, my entire body shaking from anger, grief, disgust and determination.I woke up screaming and crying myself.I haven't had a nightmare, where I woke up screaming and/or crying for over ten years.When I woke up, I was determined. More determined than I've been in a long time. I remembered why I started writing. I remembered why I keep writing.Every writer has their reasons. Mine is for the young boys in my dream. For other teens who are in at-risk situations. Teens who are members of the LGBTQ community who have been kicked out, who are being bullied. Teens who are drug addicts, alcoholics, cutters, suicidal, engaging in "riskful" behavior.Teens who are transgender and are afraid.Teens who are gay, lesbian or gender queer and are being bullied.Teens who don't think there's a solution.Teens who think that the only way out and the only way for some peace is suicide.They're the reason that I write.I write so that I can get the money, make the connections that I want, get my name out there so that I can build and run the group home that has been my dream since I was an "at-risk" teen myself. The group home that pounds through my veins on a daily basis and has since I was 15 and first got the idea for it.The group home that, besides Daniel and my family and friends, is the reason I wake up every morning.The teen group home that is my every other heartbeat (Daniel is the other ones).That is the reason I write. That's the reason that I'll continue writing. That's the reason that I will shamelessly promote myself and my books and keep writing books that appeal to people. That's the reason that I will keep letting my characters speak to me and through me.And hope that people see the underlying story, the underlying purpose and heart in every story.
That's why I write.
-Vicktor Alexander