When You Are Refined by Family Conflict
Frustrations had reached a new level in our relationship. One word described the atmosphere between us. Tense. Every attempt at conversation ended in some sort of disagreement. Family conflict became expected, part of the routine. Pretty soon we realized avoidance was the best answer. But all I really wanted was for things to be ok again. Calm, good, agreeable.
Nothing hurts like the pain of being at odds with someone I love. Just the word conflict makes me cringe. And honestly I don’t like to talk about it. In fact, I hesitated when writing about this. Every time I tried to begin, shame crept in and caused me to question whether I’m a good mom, wife, daughter, or sister.
But those questions are not from God. So instead of letting shame get the upper hand, let’s turn to God’s Word for help with facing family conflict.
When we’re smack in the middle of conflict, we may not see a way out. And the more stuck we feel, the more power we give it.
The conflict becomes so BIG that it suffocates all the good in our relationship. Rather than letting it tower over us and take away our hope, let’s remember this. Conflict is simply two people viewing the same situation in two different ways. We can welcome in God’s refining power by first seeing conflict for what it really is – an opportunity to grow.
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.” Philippians 4:4-5 NLT
We sometimes make the mistake of relying on our own strength to handle difficult situations involving family. We love our people so much that our emotions can get in the way, leaving us feeling defeated.
But God’s Word always provides a better way.
In the powerful verse above, the apostle Paul gives us two ways we can allow God to refine us through family conflict.
ALWAYS BE FULL OF JOY.
Even in the middle of a squabble, we can show joy. Letting the joy of the Lord flow from us will ease tensions and usher in peace. Proverbs 17:22 (NASB) says, “A joyful heart is good medicine…” Conflict in families may be unavoidable, but a joy-filled attitude makes every situation better.
BE CONSIDERATE.
We don’t have to agree in order to show consideration for another person. Our loved ones need our kindness. This doesn’t mean we allow any destructive words or actions toward us, but that we allow our own words and actions to be led by love.
Even if everything inside me wants to scream and shout, God’s Word teaches me to approach any conflict with a thoughtful heart.
Resolving conflict doesn’t always involve convincing the other person we’re right. True resolution happens when we openly share our hearts and resolve to still love each other.
When we see conflict as a sign of defeat, we miss an opportunity to let God refine us and work a miracle in our families. But as we approach it with a joyful attitude and consideration for others, we discover renewed hope.
If you’ve felt plagued by conflict with family, take heart. You’re not alone. Families will have clashes from time to time. Conflict doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. You are not a bad mom, wife, daughter, or sister. God will use this circumstance to develop you into the strong, grace-filled woman He created you to be.
So let’s view conflict from a renewed perspective today. Frustration no longer needs to be a daily thing, and disagreements don’t have to be part of the routine. We can rest in knowing that no struggle is ever wasted.
God is refining, changing, and loving us and our families.
Your family conflict is molding you into a more grace-filled woman.
Meet Kristine:
Kristine Brown is a communicator at heart, sharing insight with her readers in relatable ways. Her lessons highlight God’s powerful Word and redemptive grace. She is the author of the book, Over It. Conquering Comparison to Live Out God’s Plan, and founder of the non-profit organization, More Than Yourself, Inc. Check out Kristine’s weekly devotions and other resources at kristinebrown.net or connect with her on Facebook.
The Refined Series
Fire refines. First God, breaks our pride into tiny pieces. Then, He melts away our impurities in a crucible of affliction. Every fleck of fleshy fluff rises to the surface and is removed until we reveal His image.
This year, I want to stop fearing the fire and pray:
Lord, refine me through the flame.
For 2018, I asked God to give me a word to guide my year, and He whispered the word “Refine.” For 10 months, Bruce and I have been walking through the fire and trying to not resist the refining work He is doing in us.
I am a very slow learner, and recently it occurred to me I should step aside and create more space to listen and learn during this season. I long to sit down for a heart-to-heart chat with a wise friend who will remind me the fire has a grander purpose. Thankfully, I am blessed to know several women who’ve walked through the fire and emerged beautifully refined, and I’ve invited them to share their story here with the Wildfire Faith Community once a month.
God has promised that the fire will not consume us, but transform us.
Sign up today as a member of the Wildfire Faith Community and grab a copy of the Refined Manifesto our Faith Fuel Library.
If you are visiting from Kristine’s today to read about family conflict,
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