10 Greatest Conspiracy Theories Of All Time
1. It was actually Jackie Kennedy who assassinated JFK in Dallas. He was shot from inside the car! Jackie was fed up with being paraded before the public as a trophy wife, and also with her husband indulging his sexual peccadilloes with hundreds of different prostitutes.
2. Julius Caesar faked his own death and having discovered the secret of immortality is actually the secret power behind the sub-prime mortgage speculation that led to the current financial collapse.
3. Using his vast financial resources Aristotle Onassis paid Nikola Tesla to construct a time machine, and then travelled back to the eighteenth-century. Once in the past Onassis created a fake identity as Adam Weishaupt – a professor of law at The University of Ingolsttadt – and then on 1 May 1776 founded the Bavarian Illuminati.
4. Albert Einstein plagiarised all his scientific theories from secret papers that originated with the The Knights Templar and that were passed down through the ages with the avowed intention of undermining twentieth-century civilisation.
5. After her death Princess Diana's body was ritually carried around the sites of 69 stone circles in north-east Scotland. This is the basis of the book 69 Things To Do With A Dead Princess.
6. Howard Hughes wasn't actually a recluse. Hughes switched identities with actress Jane Russell (who wanted to drop out of the public eye), so that he could indulge his penchant for cross-dressing in public without anybody realising he was a man.
7. The 9/11 attack was carried out by several Imperial Wizards of the Ku Klux Klan whose fascist world view led them to loath the city of New York and the US government in Washington.
8. Lady Gaga is the public face of a huge international plot by fashionistas to take control of the world.
9. Richard Nixon was innocent of any wrong doing over Watergate.
10. The real identity of the psychotic serial killer Jack The Ripper is beat novelist William Burroughs. This forms the basis of the book Down & Out In Shoreditch & Hoxton.
NB. There are no great conspiracy theories. You'd have to be off your trolley to believe the Templars organised the French revolution or that the Illuminati was ever in a position to seize world power (since it was a tiny sect that was completely suppressed in the eighteenth-century). Because for many years I have been plagued by conspiracy nuts who lack the wit to work out that material like the stuff in this post is satiric, it is unfortunately necessary to point that out here. There are, of course, political conspiracies of which Watergate is an example – but vast consciously organised conspiracies on a global scale simply aren't practical. Or to put it another way, if you think the World Trade Centre in New York was destroyed by the US government using controlled demolition from within the buildings, then you're a nutjob who'd believe almost anything!
And while you're at it don't forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!
