“Something happened the second year of college. I grew very...

“Something happened the second year of college.  I grew very hard on myself.  I became sad, and disappointed, and angry.  But then I met a girl, the first I’d ever been with.  And everything was postponed for a while.  I felt energized.  I was even doing my homework.  But now we’ve broken up, and I’m having to face all the stuff that the relationship allowed me to ignore.  I’m overthinking everything: ‘What should I do?  What shouldn’t I do?’  But the actual doing never happens because I have no motivation.  I’m sad all the time.  It’s worst when I go to bed, and I realize that I haven’t done anything, and that I won’t do it tomorrow either.  A lot of people believe in me, but they’re getting tired because I’m not there yet.  And it’s not their responsibility anyway, it’s mine.  I’m just afraid I’ll never get back to the way I used to feel.  The feeling of being awake.  And loving myself.  And getting out of the house.  And exercising.  And going to the beach.  And hanging out with friends on Sunday evenings.  And thinking just the right amount of thoughts.  No suspicions.  Or criticisms.  Or fears of the future.  Only the thoughts that are useful.  The thoughts I need in this moment.”
(Madrid, Spain)