Uprooting Racism from Our Family Tree
Choosing to Love Someone for Who They Are
by @bethvogt
Last October, my son Josh remarried. His wife is a beautiful young woman named Meagan.
I remember months earlier when my husband and I talked with Josh about his relationship with Meagan – about how we knew he was falling in love with her and yes, her three children. We could see they were transitioning from “we’re just friends” to something more serious. Something that, given time, would involve his words, “Will you marry me?” and, most likely, her yes that would change both their futures.
Rob and I sat in my office in our home in Colorado Springs. Josh’s face filled the screen of my computer as we Skyped. We’d talked back and forth about different things, but at last I said,“You know you’ll deal with people’s negative reactions.”
“We already have, Mom.” Josh’s tone was earnest as he sat in his apartment in Seattle. “We were walking together around the city and had someone drive by and yell ugly things at us.”
No specifics needed to be mentioned. We could imagine the things they’d heard.
Hard to believe … but it’s true. And all because Josh is white and Meagan is black.
I’d experienced racism years ago – not directed at me, of course. But I’d had several black friends in high school. When I’d invited one of them to my house, I’d been unsure how my parents, particularly my father, would react. All went well, but the anxiety was there.
Truthfully, back then, I’d been concerned about how my friend would be treated that night – but I hadn’t thought about what he faced day to day.
And now, months later, with two joyous “I do’s,” Meagan’s history is woven into our family tree.
Of course, there is no way I can say I understand all she has experienced in her life. I’ve only caught glimpses, as she’s shared parts of her story with me.
Being given a “white” name by her parents, so she would be accepted more quickly on job applications.
Being told by a high school teacher that she was better off as a slave. Excuse me? And then being told by her parents that she shouldn’t have stood up for herself by challenging the teacher about what was said, as well as going to the principal about it and being removed from the teacher’s class.
Being called a derogatory name that starts with “n” by her abusive first husband, who is white.
And now . . . now I wonder what my three new GRANDkiddos – her children, the trio I welcome with wide open arms – will face as they grow up. What they’ve already faced. I’ve seen my son and daughter-in-love deal with one daughter being bullied in school because of the color of her skin.
This young girl’s story? Most definitely woven into my story now.
I want to understand … because if I can understand Meagan’s story, some of the discrimination she’s dealt with … then I can love her better.
If I can understand what my three new grandchildren have experienced, what they face each day when they walk out their front door … and if I can understand what my unborn granddaughter will have to deal with … then I can love them better.
And I can understand others’ stories better, too. And yes, respond to them with love.
Uprooting Racism from Our Family Tree http://bit.ly/2FPOH9Q #relationships #racism
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'I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.' Quote by Martin Luther King Jr http://bit.ly/2FPOH9Q #racism #hope
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