Private Kvelling
To begin with, a definition of this excellent Yiddish word:
Kvell:
verb: kvell; 3rd person present: kvells; past tense: kvelled; past participle: kvelled; gerund or present participle: kvelling
feel happy and proud.
“my mom was kvelling—bursting with pride”
My oldest son just turned eighteen. Last week. Everyone told me it would go fast and I thought they were lying. The memories of him as a baby still seem so present: he’s sitting on his squashy legs, methodically stacking board books very high, when he isn’t even able to walk yet. I didn’t know yet how the persistence of the baby would manifest itself in the young man. I just thought it was cute, not realizing the way stacking board books impossibly tall would be a metaphor for everything he does.
I want to kvell about him, talk about all the good things he’s doing, but I restrain myself because… because why? It feels too braggy. Like I’m airing my clean laundry. I mentioned a couple of senior accomplishments on Facebook recently–he got into college, he got a scholarship–and I was grateful for the kind comments. Thankfully, my family and friends are truly happy for him.
And yet, I feel the injustice inherent in kvelling over public accomplishments when private ones are just as valuable. When a child with a quick temper is able to speak calmly, that’s a triumph, but I’m not going to post about it on Facebook. When any of my children go someplace they really don’t want to, or maintain their cool when things aren’t just so, or take initiative and organize some papers, or even, sometimes, just get out of bed, it’s a victory. I am grateful for these small but vital triumphs.
One of the points of parenting, I think, is being a witness to these private victories. A child who has amassed all manner of public triumphs has even more private ones to honor. God, the ultimate parent, knows about any success we experience, any small good thing we do, any act of discipline or sacrifice, any softened heart. He sees us, He sees how hard it’s been, and He kvells.
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