When You Are Refined by Relationships
Almost two years ago, my son, who was seven at the time, sustained second-degree burns to his face and hands. His wounds needed about two weeks to heal, which truly amazed me. But I’m still being refined by what I learned of community during that time.
To be refined means to have unwanted elements removed by a process. In other words, when we refined, we are purified, clarified, cleansed, developed, and improved.
Ben was helping his dad with a burn pile of brush when a flame flared up and my boy was standing too close. He put his hands in front of his face, probably actually protecting his eyes, but the vapors of the flames still got him. He spent two nights at Vanderbilt Medical Center’s burn unit. We came home with a bag of wound care supplies and painkillers and a faith that was being proven pure.
Maybe it hasn’t been an actual fire in your life. Maybe you’ve walked through a broken relationship, expectations that haven’t been met, disappointment caused by someone you love, dreams that haven’t come true, grief from losing someone near, or another physical-impairing experience. Maybe you’ve been sick or anxious or worried or lost.
Whatever the figurative fire that’s burned our lives, we can be refined and the people around us can help.
When Ben was recovering from his burns, I had to learn wound care techniques as his hands and face literally grew new skin. I also had to recruit a couple friends to help him do his face and hand exercises because he wasn’t responding well to our parental ways of encouraging him to do what the doctor ordered.
Our best friends came to our house before we came home to change the shower head so that Ben could shower without the water coming directly down on his tender neck and ears. They also had dinner ready for us. Another home health nurse friend came to check on his physical condition and my emotional well-being. Other friends showed up with dinner. Our church sent a candy bouquet because no first-grade boy wants flowers. People texted and prayed. One friend even fasted to spend a day in prayer for us. Gifts came in the mail and were left on our porch.
That’s community. That’s healing. That’s what being refined by relationship can look like.
I hurt for my son who hurt, but I also rejoiced in the many little ways God revealed everlasting truth to my soul through people.
I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
1 Peter 1:6-7, MSG
The fires in this life can be exhausting and painful. But the refinement that produces deeper faith is part of the sanctification process because God promises to finish this good work he’s begun in us (Philippians 1:6). Until we’re living our eternal life face to face with Jesus who has prepared a place for us, we will have opportunity to be refined by the people around us. Let’s not miss what God is doing in us and around us.
Healing comes when we allow relationships to help refine us during hard seasons.
Healing comes when we allow relationships to help refine us during hard seasons.
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Meet Kristin:
Kristin Hill Taylor believes in seeking God as the author of every story and loves swapping these stories with friends on her porch. She has a bachelor’s in print journalism from Murray State University and worked in various newsrooms before she became a stay-at-home mom. She volunteers and does freelance projects that involve writing, promoting, organizing, and hosting. She lives in Murray, Kentucky, with her husband and their three kids. You can keep up with Kristin at her blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
The Refined Series
Fire refines. First God, breaks our pride into tiny pieces. Then, He melts away our impurities in a crucible of affliction. Every fleck of fleshy fluff rises to the surface and is removed until we reveal His image.
This year, I want to stop fearing the fire and pray:
Lord, refine me through the flame.
For 2018, I asked God to give me a word to guide my year, and He whispered the word “Refine.” For 10 months, Bruce and I have been walking through the fire and trying to not resist the refining work He is doing in us.
I am a very slow learner, and recently it occurred to me I should step aside and create more space to listen and learn during this season. I long to sit down for a heart-to-heart chat with a wise friend who will remind me the fire has a grander purpose. Thankfully, I am blessed to know several women who’ve walked through the fire and emerged beautifully refined, and I’ve invited them to share their story here with the Wildfire Faith Community once a month.
God has promised that the fire will not consume us, but transform us.
Sign up today as a member of the Wildfire Faith Community and grab a copy of the Refined Manifesto our Faith Fuel Library.
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LOVE DEEP: Fervently extend God’s kindness and grace to pesky people.
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STAND STRONG: Rest courageously on God’s promises with red-hot resolve.
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