“After the divorce I threw myself into work. I’m in residency...

“After the divorce I threw myself into work.  I’m in residency to be a psychiatrist, and I found that I could forget my problems if I focused on my patients.  But I’d come home feeling numb.  I wouldn’t sleep well.  I lost fifty pounds.  I kept convincing myself I was fine because I was still being so productive.  But when I started having thoughts of suicide, I knew I’d reached my tipping point.  I confided to my program director that I was going through a major depressive episode.  She supported me 100% and referred me to the psychiatrist I see today.  When I’m ready to get my license, there will be a question on the application that says: ‘Have you ever had a mental illness that impaired your ability to treat patients?’  I’m going to answer ‘no.’  Because being a patient has been a revelatory experience.  It’s taught me how difficult it can be to verbalize what you’re feeling.  And it’s taught me the power of denial, even for someone who studies the symptoms.  When I began the medication it was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes.  So much of what I know about depression, I learned by getting through it.”