WHEN THE SEQUINS FALL

I’ve been thinking a bunch about the last decade of my life. Much of it was captured right here on this blog. I’ve been absent lately. Life just had a way of demanding my attention. Holding me accountable. Changing me. Healing me. And as I look at the things I’ve written… I barely recognize this person

who resided here.

I guess… I am proud. I mean life isn’t easier because a lot of things are harder but LOTS of things are better. Things are different. I am different.

For one I am SOBER.

If I were to pick the ONE thing that has made the BIGGEST difference it is that. I AM SOBER.

This is a repost of an old poem I wrote. I can see now how drinking created something I label as a recycling of emotions. That ghost in the window… he was getting tired of seeing me in the same place… making the same mistakes…

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A few shots of ammunition

And the heat detonates inside

His voice begins to drown

As I answer, “I don’t care”

A few rotten nasty sentiments

Scour the ditches of my despair

Determined to find the notion

That will make the hurt I feel

Much too agonizing to persevere

There’s a ghost in the window,

Watching every move I make,

Sometimes,

He points at me with a knowing

As if part of me is showing

Spirits wash away my pain

Blood alcohol searching point 5

I wave goodbye to logic

And shed my clever disguise

Louboutin’s fly off my feet

Valentino sequin’s hit the floor

Watch me as I take off this mask

And expose myself as the classless girl

My peers have pegged me for

There’s a ghost in the window,

Watching every move I make,

Sometimes,

He points at me with a knowing

As if part of me is showing

Rose petal’s long faded and lifeless

Litter a worn out intoxicated bed

Romancing my fleeting conscience

With a place to lay my head

Sheets long wrinkled, do nothing

To cover the spiritually dead

Nothing to hide the empty shame

An emotional mess I begin to drift

My body, my life so numb and stiff