My UFC fight in TUF 27 finale against Barb – before, during, and after

I am aware that there are two different layers of voices in my head – my conscious voice and my unconscious voice. I’m good at controlling my conscious voice and making her say positive things, such as, “You’re strong. You’re ready to fight! You have been training hard for so long!” The unconscious voice often whispers things that we can’t always identify, but it makes me feel certain ways. Earlier this week, I realized that I was feeling anxious about my upcoming fight, more than usual. Something felt off and I wasn’t sure what it was. I guessed it was something my dang unconscious was whispering but I couldn’t quite make it out.

Every time I lose a fight, I try and make some kind of change so the same negative results won’t be repeated. “Only the insane repeat the same thing and hope for a different result.” So despite me telling myself positive things…I always tell myself positive things. I realized I was worrying…. I mean, this was BARB Honchak, the person who choked me out seven years ago. I had been wanting to rematch her for SO long! For longer than some people’s MMA careers! It was my DREAM for YEARS, to someday fight in the UFC and, hey, wouldn’t it be SO cool if we fought each other in the UFC? Hahaha that would never happen. Then OMG TUF 26 happened and we were both on it. WHAT IF WE FOUGHT? So now it’s actually happening. whoa…. what if I choked? She could absolutely knock me out, or submit me or ground and pound me out. She’s ripped and so skilled. She was the former Invicta champion.

So that’s what my unconscious voice was whispering to me. Then I started freaking out….I feel good but what if my HEAD isn’t right for this fight? They say the mental game is important. What if I’m not thinking what I’m supposed to think? What if I’m psyched out and then lose because I’m psyched out? Am I psyched out?! I never get psyched out. I started freaking out as to whether I was freaking out or not. hahaha I couldn’t tell because it’s never happened to me before. I’ve never wanted to fight somebody for 7 years before.

So Coach John had a ten minute conversation with me that totally straightened me out. He really is the master. He reminded myself that I had to not only have confidence in myself, but have pride in my efforts. I really have been training non-stop, SO hard, on specific things to improve ever since Dec when I fought Nicco.

It’s funny he said the word “pride” because the first thing I thought of was Vegeta, who always is very proud.



But he is strong because he trains his BUTT off.

John said that having pride in myself is different than being prideful, arrogant, or narcissistic. I have to KNOW that I’m stronger, KNOW that I’ve improved, KNOW that I have the skills, because of all the effort I’ve put into it.

I do SO many other things on top of normal MMA classes. I’m not even going to list them all here.

I’ve done so much. I’m tired every day. I fall asleep at 9 PM every night.

So then I knew. Barb went from this big, looming shadow over me, to a woman, a fellow fighter who had skills comparable to me, who I could beat, but if I’m not careful, could still beat me. I told myself consciously all day long that I could won, but suddenly, two days before my fight, I believed it. I really believed it. I believed it in my heart. I was going to hit her hard, tackle her to the ground, get on top, and ground and pound. I wanted to do it – so much – and I believed I could do it.

John was pretty busy with two other fighters fighting that weekend, Mike Chiesa and Francic Ngannou, but he was always there when I really needed him. It was great of Mike to come with me to get my gear and sign posters during fight week, and also checking up on me.





Casey also. I’m so grateful to have them as trainers. I felt so strong with them behind me.

and Lorenzo!



My Invicta Roxy Posse came! Rob and Sheryl, Candy and Luz, Katie, and Justin! It was great seeing them again!

Fuzzy’s Post-weigh in dinner

I loved running into other TUF 27 contestants. I’ve been watching this season and I liked it a lot.

Luis Pena “Violent Bob Ross”

Brad Katona!!



We spotted each other in the hall and started fan-girl/fan-boying out at the exact same time over each other. hahaha

So….I got permission to wear a “blond wig” at ceremonial weigh ins.