So F'ing Suave!

C'mon, you gonna tell me you wouldn't
fall immediately in love with this guy?
I have a confession to make. Back in my college days, I was a suave, refined gentleman, yet, over the years, I somehow seem to have gone off the rails.

It was like so:

I was a freshman, only recently arrived at college, and there was this lovely young lady named Lisa I often saw around campus. I was desperate to meet her and introduce myself, but being a total stranger and all, I couldn't figure out a good way to say "Hi" to her. One afternoon, my roommate Charlie and I were sitting on the brick wall outside the cafeteria, and Lisa came walking by along with a couple of friends. Charlie nudged me and said, "Well, here's your chance."

God almighty, you should've seen me—I was so damned suave you would never believe it. Getting a flash of inspiration, I picked up my spiral notebook and chucked it at her. Without missing a beat, I hopped off the wall, went to her, picked up my notebook, which had hit her in the back, smiled my suavest smile, and said, "Hi, I'm Mark."

I found myself facing the coldest of cold stares. "Yeah?"

"I'm... Mark."

"Okay."

Lisa turned around with her friends, heads all shaking, walked off, and from then on, they all knew Mark. For reasons I have never quite fathomed, she did not fall immediately in love with me.

But hey, I was so, so fucking suave. I just don't know if I can be that suave ever again.