The Election Cometh

The art of the performer is simple, yet extraordinarily difficult. After all, we all feel emotion. And that’s the core of a performance; the ability to instigate an emotion in another human being, that they can experience the same sense of anger or fragility or tragedy or intense surging happiness that rises like a behemoth from the lowest, dullest, aching despair to transcend the intense highs normally reserved for explorers breaking through to new frontiers or mountain climbers breaching the very highest crest the world has to offer.

This is what it’s all about. None of the namby-pamby, half-arsed drivel of the everyday can bring real excitement to a person’s life. We all know that, but breaking out of it isn’t any easier for it. I’ve long been a believer in fear as a great motivator. Fear is surely one of the oldest and simplest of all emotions. It incites some of the most powerful physical responses that human beings subject themselves to, and not just the ability to raise heckles or wet yourself at an untimely moment, but the ability to override all of your existing common sense and fundamental understanding of logic, and, at the most extreme moments, the ability even to move or speak or run away or fight or achieve anything on any level.

But time skips on and you realise the world hasn’t quite managed to shit you out of a cannon just yet, because doing a bungee jump or asking someone on a date or disagreeing with everyone’s opinion aren’t really fatal incidents. And so your fear begins to subside, and your normal senses return, but now everything’s heightened by a bevy of chemicals flooding your body whose job it was to gear you up for a fight to begin with, and whose only purpose now is to make you laugh and smile and forget anything scary was ever happening, and just at the moment that the fight is over and all that’s left is the start of a new era.

But of course, there never really was a fight. Not unless you’re either extremely unlucky or some kind of idiotic pub twat from the nineties. No, not a physical fight. Just a battle with your own wits, that you’d fully expected to lose all the way through, right up until the point that you discovered that whatever struggle you’re facing won’t be resolved by following a dense herd mentality or putting yourself down when you need to trust your own judgement like never before or believing that night will inevitably destroy all good things, even when the torch in your hand is shining a light on the good people beside you.

And that’s how you did it. That’s how you won the battle in your head. That’s how you stepped off a ledge with nothing but a bungee cord and a badly aimed camera keeping you attached to reality. That’s how you kept it together to look like a sane and presentable member of society when you asked that person on a date. That’s how you rose up and stood against the tide of opinion when all around, you were presented with bigots and pessimists. That’s how you went through all the horrifying, inept, tragic fuckups that turned a teenager into a proper adult. And it’s probably how you’re still trying to be an adult now. Because it doesn’t get easier. It just gets more tedious.

Fear is still the greatest antidote to that tedium. And let’s face it, there’s no greater fear than the threat of your future falling to pieces before you – Theresa May knows this well. Her manifesto has fear at its very core. Between the dementia tax and hard Brexit, it’s got something for everyone. Whether you’re young or old, brave or foolish, desperate for a laugh or genuinely intent on losing your own sanity, you’ve been offered the opportunity to throw it all away in exchange for the chance of having the Dickhead of Downing Street as your Prime Minister for the next five years.

Theresa May isn’t a performer. She won’t instigate any emotions in her audience, except one. So remember: if you’re bored of life, if your usual cheap thrills have lost their interest, or if you can’t be bothered to seek excitement in traditional ways, then vote Tory. You can be sure they’ll keep you living right on the edge.
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Published on June 04, 2017 08:18
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