Turning the Page: A Memoir Moment
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“Have the life you want by being present to the life you have.”` Mark Nepo
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons “Hydrangeas”
Turning the Page: A Memoir Moment
As most to you who have been following this blog know, for the past three years I have been anticipating and adjusting to home peritoneal dialysis and undergoing an evaluation for a kidney transplant. My life has been on hold.
Photo Credit: Google Images- wikipedia
I am very grateful to all of you who have accompanied and supported me through all the twists and turns of my journey. Thank you.
It’s only right that I update you on my decision.
I left off with my quandary about my next step after being rejected for a kidney transplant on 3/26.
A Period of Grief…
The rejection sent me on a path of grief –deep and hard–about the loss of the person I thought I was or wanted to be. I allowed myself to sit with that deep sense of loss.
Stuck.
It is in this place of discomfort that I searched for relief. I began to focus on what I needed to do to navigate around the emotional pain of losing the familiar and walking into the unknown.
Tending to Mind, Body and Spirit…
My faith has always seen me through the rough spots. How often have I repeated the mantra, “My faith is stronger than my fear..”
I began focusing more on being still and listening, making more time for daily prayer, meditation, and scripture readings.
I started taking weekly Tai Chi Chih classes –slow, gentle movements which serve as a “moving meditation”.
On my good days, I walk outside on the man-made trails on our farm.
I do Healing Touch sessions with a Certified Healing Touch Instructor, Sister Rita Jean Dubrey, CSJ. In between sessions, I do her meditation, Chakra Connection Reflecting on The Gifts of the Holy Spirit.
I made mental and paper lists of the pros and cons and I talked with whomever would listen about my hopes and fears.
In essence, I forced myself to concentrate on doing whatever I needed to do to move on in my life.
After about six weeks, I began feeling different…I realized I was not resisting my lot as much.
It takes a lot of energy to resist.
Eventually, the urge to plan activities overcame the need to resist what was happening.
I have a memoir to finish and several writing conferences to attend. In July, I’ll go to the week-long International Women Writers Guild (IWWG) Summer Conference at Muhlenberg College in Allentown , Pa and in August I will return to the Writer’s Digest East Conference in New York City.
I felt ready to turn the page.
Photo Credit: Pixabay Free Image
My Decision…
I decided, without a doubt, that I’m probably as good as I’m going to be and I’m not willing to risk losing what I have for the slim possibility of a successful transplant.
Most days are good. Some aren’t but we all have those days.
It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer.
Overall, the dialysis is working well. It’s still cumbersome and I still don’t like it, but —and it’s what comes after the but that counts—the shackles of resistance have been removed and I feel free to move on to enjoy the moments I have and the many blessings in my life.
It’s such a relief to finally make a decision, to accept what is and to keep moving forward in faith to enjoy my life.
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How about you? How do you “turn the page” when life doesn’t turn out as you had hoped? What works for you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please join in the conversation below~
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This Week:
Thursday, 5/ 25/17:
“Why Writing Memoir is the Best Way to Authoring Change” by Dorit Sasson
Dorit is the author of an award-winning memoir, Accidental Soldier: A Memoir of Service and Sacrifice in the Israel Defense Forces. Her upcoming memoir, Sand and Steel : The Spiritual Journey Home is currently available for pre-order here via her Publishizer campaign.
Next Week:
Monday, 5/29/17:
“Is God Happy? How Writing My Memoir Helped Me Answer This Question by Wendy Macdonald.”
Wendy is a Christian writer, poet and photographer who is working on a memoir about overcoming the shame of abuse.
May 2017 Newsletter: Monthly updates, Memoir Musings, Max Moments:
“The Sweet Land of Acceptance”
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