MASHED Monday Author Interview: R.A. Goli
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R.A. Goli writes the story, “P.A.C.D. The Kitchen of Tomorrow, Today!” in our upcoming anthology, Mashed: The Culinary Delights of Twisted Erotic Horror. “P.A.C.D. The Kitchen of Tomorrow, Today!” is the story of a couples cooling romance, heated back up by a new kitchen appliance.
Please tell us a little bit about yourself?
I am an Australian author of horror, fantasy, speculative and erotic horror short stories. I also like to pretend I write sci-fi, but just putting a robot in a story doesn’t make it so. Other interests include reading, gaming, the occasional walk; and annoying my dog, two cats and husband.
What attracted you to submitting your story to MASHED: The Culinary Delights of Twisted Erotic Horror?
Grivante Press’ submission guidelines for the pieces they wanted for this anthology listed requirements similar to “Does it make us laugh, is it horrific and gory, is it sexy?”. I thought it sounded like quite a challenge and a lot of fun! And it was both.
For your story “P.A.C.D. The Kitchen of Tomorrow, Today!” what was your inspiration?
I mentioned to friends that I was starting work on an erotic horror story that required a culinary theme. They suggested the kitchen robot, and the recipe for sharp knives and creative sex developed from there.
When did you first discover that you wanted to be a writer?
When I was twelve a teacher gave the class an assignment on what we wanted to be when we grew up, and that was when I first remember wanting to write. I wrote a lot as a teen, but stopped when it was time to get a job and pay bills, but I’ve finally found my way back.
Who are your favorite authors? What are your favorite books?
It can be hard to pick a few favorite books or authors, especially in fantasy, and it’s something that can change with time. But I would say that my favorite fantasy author is Joe Abercrombie. I love ‘The First Law’ trilogy.
Horror is different. While I do have a couple of favorite books, ‘The Exorcist,’ by William Peter Blatty, and Stephen King’s ‘Cujo’, I really enjoy horror short story anthologies by people I’ve never heard of.
Outside of horror, what other genre’s do you write in?
Outside of horror, I write fantasy and speculative fiction, though I dabble in other genres (so I think). Basically if it’s scary or gross, I call it horror. If its got magic, mythical creatures or men in armor, I call it fantasy. If it has robots or aliens, I call it sci-fi, and if people are having sex, well you get the picture. One day I might even finish the fantasy novel I started three years ago. Just so you know, it has magic and men in armor.
What advice would you give to new writers just getting started?
I would say don’t stop, if this is really what you want to do. And don’t compare yourself to great/famous/popular authors. We can’t all be J.K. Rowling or George R.R. Martin, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for us too.
What part of writing do you find the most difficult?
Rejection is always tough, especially when you think you’ve written something really great. But you move on. No story is wasted, each word makes you a better writer, and weren’t you having fun while you were writing it?
What do you hope your readers take away from your stories?
I hope that they are entertained and in the case of horror, I hope they are grossed out, frightened or find it funny. I think the moral of the story with “P.A.C.D. The Kitchen Of Tomorrow, Today!”, is that husbands should certainly help around the house or purchase expensive appliances to make the chores easier, but also remember not to neglect their duties in the boudoir.
Where else on the internet can you be found?
You can stalk me on Facebook or my website and also find my other publications on my author profile page!
And now, here’s a special preview of R.A.’s story in MASHED!
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P.A.C.D. The Kitchen of Tomorrow, Today!
“You can open your eyes now.”
Melanie frowned when she saw the renovated kitchen. She stared, mouth agape at the space-aged looking installation. Gone were the wooden cupboards with their wrought iron handles and the open shelves that held her recipe books and collection of mismatched glass bottles. Replaced by sleek and shiny glass and silver.
“Surprised?” Mike asked.
“Um, yeah. Shocked would be more appropriate,” she said. Then turned to face her husband.
“It’s your anniversary gift. That’s why I sent you to the spa this weekend, so they could install it,” he said, beaming.
“Uh, thank you, but why did we need a new kitchen? I loved the old one. It had personality, charm. This looks like it came from a spaceship,” she said as she turned to look at the kitchen again.
“I know but you’ll love it. This is more than a kitchen. This is your Personal Automated Culinary Droid. Come, I’ll show you,” he said as he grabbed her hand, pulling her towards a tablet that was fixed to the wall. He started swiping and tapping at the screen, his fingers moving too fast for her to follow.
“Slow down! I can’t tell what you’re doing,” she said, her irritation increasing, though Mike remained oblivious.
“Sorry, sorry, I’m just excited,” he said. “So I’m just going to set it to do a simple recipe so you can see it in action. Then I’ll show you all the features.”
A few more swift movements, he hit ‘enter’, then grabbed his wife’s shoulders and spun her towards the kitchen. Mike had measured out the ingredients and arranged them on the bench in individual bowls. She watched as a pair of robotic arms came into view from a panel in the back wall, descending to the kitchen bench. The arms meticulously diced onion and pancetta, sliced mushrooms and tomatoes, and chopped parsley and basil, placing each item back where it had come from. Next, it grated cheese, then cracked eggs into a bowl, whisking them with a finesse she was surprised a machine was capable of. It turned on the stovetop and scooped up a knob of butter with a spatula, placing it into a waiting frying pan. Melanie watched, enthralled as the culinary droid fried onion, added the pancetta, then tossed in the vegetables and herbs.
“Is that a sensor?” she asked, pointing.
“Yeah, it has sensors in its hands and along the bench. You have to get out the ingredients and in the correct quantities and put them on that sensor. That way the robot knows what to grab when and what it’s supposed to do with it. You put them in order, see?” He moved forward and gestured for her to follow. She could see faint numbered lights on the sensor underneath the bowls. “It’s also got a refrigeration mechanism under the sensor plates, so it will keep food cold for hours until it’s ready to start cooking.”
“So what’s it cooking now?”
“Just frittata. I didn’t want it to take too long. Should be ready in about half an hour,” he said.
“But how does it know that, did you program the recipe in or something?”
“It comes with hundreds of recipes built in but you can also add your own. Either by uploading them to the database or punching them manually into the control panel,” Mike said, the excitement in his voice evident. “So do you like it?”
Melanie nodded, mesmerized as the machine’s arms drifted gracefully across the stove and bench top, placing ingredients into the frying pan and stirring it with care. Mike was trying. Clearly, this extravagant gift was to make up for the fact that they had grown a little distant lately, both working long hours. This at least would give them some extra time in the evenings. She turned to him and smiled.
“I think it’s great. I for one am sick of coming home and eating take out or cooking at nine p.m. Thank you,” she said and threw her arms around his neck, giving him the most passionate kiss she had in months.
The droid continued, adding the egg and cheese, tilting the pan to ensure the egg mixture covered the vegetables. After about ten minutes, it turned on the grill and placed the pan underneath to cook the frittata’s top. Once it was lightly golden, the robotic arms removed it from the grill, cut it into wedges and transferred two slices each onto waiting plates. They sat at the dining table eating and watching as the droid arms cleaned up. It put the dirty dishes in the inbuilt dishwasher and wiped the surface of the bench down. Once the kitchen was clean, the dishwasher started, and the arms retracted back into the wall.
Later, when Melanie climbed into bed next to her sleeping husband, she felt closer to him than she had in a long time. She watched his peaceful face, and the rise and fall of his chest; pleasantly surprised by the unexpected tingling between her legs. They had both been too busy and too stressed to be intimate, and she hadn’t wanted to. But, now, as she traced her fingernails gently down his chest and stomach, and watched his cock slowly awaken, she felt slick with want. Her attentions woke him.
Thanks for joining us for #MASHEDMONDAYS, Find the rest of R.A. Goli’s story and more sensually sinister tales inside MASHED: The Culinary Delights of Twisted Erotic Horror
Find more #MASHEDMONDAY Author Interviews here!
