It's an age old question that we all ask ourselves from time to time. You know it! We get this great idea and dive in head first. It isn't until we are neck deep in the muck and mire that we realize maybe we bit off more than we can chew.

So. Here we are. Treading water. Surrounded by sharks, and cursing the powers that be for not giving us a warning sign of some kind early on. What warning sign would have deterred us at that moment though? I mean, honestly. It was a great idea at the time, and if things would stop mucking up, it would still be great. Right?

I've had a pretty rough year. It started out great and it's going to end great. In the middle of it all though, it's been full of stuff that makes me question what the hell I'm doing. Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

I didn't start out feeling this way. I started writing with the intent to publish just a couple of years ago. I'd been writing all my life, though. Journals, I have towers of them. Started but unfinished stories, yep. Have those too. Then I wrote one that I fell in love with. Death of a Secret was two years old this past October.

There was this fire though. All over my insides. I felt like I was going to jump out of my own skin, or like something bad was going to happen if I didn't write. So I wrote. On a tiny little tablet with a keyboard attached, propped up on the steering wheel in a big truck.

Writing it was easy! I was proud, excited, and feeling more than just a little ambitious. I set a publication date for July! Surely I could make that! There should have been a warning sign.

I'd just written a 76,000 word novel in a little over a month. How hard could it be to push the button and make it available for the entire world? I was a God!!! Capable of anything!!!

It ended up being damn near impossible!!! There is sooo much that goes into the process that I wasn't aware of. I did all the cool stuff. Had a beautiful cover designed, played around with formatting. I printed out twenty pages and sat down with a red pen. July was coming up quick, but I was making headway.

Then disaster struck. My grandmother passed away, my mom was pretty sick. Life happened! Things were a mess and not at all what I ever thought I'd be doing.

That's when I started to question. Months went by with not a single word written. Not one! What had I been doing it all for anyway? I'm not much of a people person and we had everything we needed. I'm not real money driven, so why? Why was I torturing myself like this?

The burn! I wanted the title Published Author so much that I felt actual real pain. Sure, the money would be nice. A little fame might even be fun. When I stop and think about it, break it down to the barest reason, though. Being able to tell people that I am a published author is what I dream about.

I knew that DoaS was still a long way off. I had worked long and hard on it, but I just wasn't feeling the love for it anymore. I was drowning in sorrow and sadness, and was ready to just throw in the towel.

I did some serious soul searching and asked myself why, again. Why was I doing it in the first place? My answer had changed and it was simple. To be a published author. Not to publish Death of a Secret and get it out into the world like I had thought. That got me moving again.

What do I have that would let me reach my goal? Nothing says I have to stop there. I can publish Death of a Secret later, or not at all. It would all be ok, and still be a great idea, if I can just get through all this muck and publish...something!

I pulled out an old flash fiction challenge that I'd written sometime last year. It was a measley 500 words and it was missing something. I wrestled around with it for a while. Twisting it, cutting it, shoving this in, pulling that out. After a couple of weeks, I had came up with a decent ending.

Or so I thought. I sent it out for beta reading and it was a hit! My readers enjoyed it, but it left them wanting more! That was a positive sign. I sent it off for final edits while I commissioned the cover and created all the front and back matter. When it came back, I was in tears! I had an ebook peeking out of the screen at me!

Fogoyle: A Short Story is more than something to read. It's a life goal accomplished. It's the only fire extinguisher that was able to quell fire inside my skin. It's not a huge novel or a brilliant guide that will teach you how to do something great. It's just a simple story about a girl who finds herself in a strange fog and completely freaks herself out. It will make you never want to see fog again!

The fire is still burning though, and I'm still surrounded by sharks. I'm no longer treading water though. I'm in a boat, with a paddle, and a direction. Do I still feel like I've bit off more than I can chew? Absolutely! Promoting is a whole new can of worms!

I have so much other stuff coming out this next year that I take a step back and go "What the hell am I doing and why? daily! Now though, the answer is because I know I can do it!

If you are treading water, try breaking down your ultimate goal to it's simplest form. What's the bottom line? You just might find the boat and paddle drifting a short distance away, and you just have to reach out and grab them!

There is a lot more to come. Fogoyle: A Short Story Two is coming January 9th. Death of a Secret will finally hit the market February 1st, and there is lots more to watch for beyond those! Stay tuned!!!
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Published on December 21, 2016 17:54 • 101 views • Tags: putting-the-fire-out, reaching-goals, writing

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Christ Y Am I Doing This?

Christy Mann
Writing, the act itself, is fun, therapeutic, and is easily done. It's what comes after that is hard and makes me ask myself why I'm doing it.

I believe every question deserves an answer, so this blog
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