The Head and the Heart, As Reviewed By a Millennial
I feel like I’ve been picking on the Millennials lately, so I thought for a change I’d put myself in their shoes and write a concert review from their point of view.
The Recent Head and the Heart Show, Viewed Through Two Old Ladies
When my friends and I saw that The Head and the Heart was playing at the Greek Theater in Berkeley in October, we Snapped each other and decided, why not? I know that one song of theirs, and there were probably going to be hella cute girls there wearing peasant blouses and jean shorts. So Emily got the tickets and I Venmo’d her the skrilla and we Ubered over. I’d even shaved and worn matching socks. I am *KILLING* at adulting.
The girls had gotten there first and found us seats. The Greek is this old outdoor theater from like the Pleistocene era and the seats are stone and hard as hell, which I yelled out a bunch of times in case people wondered if I was comfortable which I wasn’t. And there’s not much legroom, especially since these two old ladies in front of us had these Grandma-style padded seat cushions with backs. Like, just stay home if you have to bring that much equipment with you, you know? By halfway through the night, Emily had her legs crossed and just kept kicking old lady in orange in the back. The lady kept scooching forward with her Grandma chair, Emily kept kicking her anyway. We died laughing.
The opening band was some guy who pranced around a lot. I liked his skinny jeans, but otherwise I can’t say much about the performance because my tech bro Marc and I were talking about this project at our startup. One of the old chair back ladies kept swiveling her head around to stare at me. Ma’am, stop eavesdropping, are you building a competitive app or something? Then freaking out of NOWHERE she turns and says, “CAN YOU PLEASE BE QUIETER THIS IS THE TALLEST MAN ON EARTH AND WE REALLY WANT TO HEAR HIM!!!” Chill, lady! It’s not like this is the symphony. We’re OUTSIDE. And he could definitely play louder.
To the chair lady, I was all, “Oh, SOOOOORRRY,” you know, dripping in sarcasm. I listened to whoever that was on the stage for about half a song but I didn’t think he was that great. So Marc n’ me went back to talking about our app. The old ladies leaned forward and cupped their hands behind their ears. Maybe they should have packed an earhorn, too.
Bread and the Darts was pretty good, I guess. I didn’t know that many of their songs besides that one they play on the radio, I don’t listen to full albums ever. But it was super funny because I kept yelling “I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG” in the quiet moments of the slower songs they played. My friends LOL’d every time. We took a ton of selfies. The smaller of the two old ladies threatened me at one point, though. She was like, “You guys are so loud!” although she was so mad she was mostly just stuttering, so she may have been saying something else. Whatevs. All I cared about is that when I yelled “Someone farted!” my squad cracked up. Those old ladies need to try having a sense of humor. #Squadgoals
When Ned and Sharts played that one song, Emily and the other girls stood up and danced, and so did the two old ladies. Not Marc and me, though. From what I could hear of the band between conversations, they weren’t that good. And I didn’t know any of their songs besides that one song.
That one song
At the end of the show I overheard the smaller of the old ladies say, “Though I am filled with rage,” (for some reason that’s when she looked at me,) “that was still one of the best shows I ever saw,” and her other friend hugged her, though maybe they were just trying to help each other walk, what with the being old and having chairs to carry.
I don’t know, not my problem. I’m just looking forward to the next show at this big old outdoor theater, because I can try out my strawberry-vanilla vape!
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