When It Finds You

I always hate when people say, "You know, you'll find love when you're not looking for it."

That statement angers me. What does it even mean? If you want to be in a relationship, you should blind yourself to the possibilities, decide you're not going to work for it, and wait to get hit by Cupid's arrow? (Or wait for George Clooney's assistant to call you to say that Mr. Clooney has requested your presence at his chateau in the south of France? Be right there, George!)

The thing is, it's so hard not to look for love when it's what you want. It's almost like deceiving yourself. You tell yourself you're fine being single, but every time you meet a new man between the ages of 18 and 104, you ask yourself, "Could he be the one?" But no, you're not looking for love. Nope. You're simply being discerning.

And if you're not looking for love, you don't join online dating sites. You don't go to bars on Friday nights. You don't choose the treadmill next to the sweaty man at the gym who looks like he is nice to his mother and does volunteer work. Nope. You just sit at home and pet your cats: Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Honeymoon, and Something Old.

I made the decision to stop looking for love. I made the decision to move home and to focus on improving myself. Nobody's going to want me right now, I thought. And that's fine, because I'm really not in the right place to be in a relationship. Maybe a few years down the road I'll pick up the search again, but for now, I'm just not interested.

And without warning, love found me. (Ok, extreme like found me. We've been together less than a month. Let's not push it, folks.)

Perpetually single Heidi now has a wonderful boyfriend. We met when we were 18.  We've had nearly 12 years of ups and downs, will they/won't they, laughter and tears, and we finally figured it out. And I'm so very happy.

It's just so funny. I feel like I've been preaching against this very thing for years. If he doesn't like you now, he's not going to magically like you later…you're worth more than waiting around for a man to make up his mind…love shouldn't be so hard…and yet, here I am. The joke's on me. All I can do is shrug and laugh and continue on this crazy, unexpected journey.

Here we are at age 19.

And here we are at age 29. Well, 30 and 29.

I still don't support the whole "stop looking" mentality. Look if you want to! By all means! But don't be surprised when you find something you weren't even looking for. Or when it finds you.