World’s First Writer

World’s First WriterIt was announced today that the world’s first writer was discovered online at 3:30 p.m. on June 20, 2016 quite by accident. While surfing the Internet a man stumbled on an email that took him by surprise. When he read the message he was amazed. The text of the message follows: The Secret to Life High in the mountains of central Pennsylvania there is a cave near the small town of Clear Haven. The exact location of the cave is kept secret for obvious reasons – people would be combing the area from dawn till dusk if they knew of its existence – and those who are aware of the cave are unwilling to discuss it with outsiders.Discovered by a hiker in 1958, the cave contains the fossilized remains of what is believed to be the first recorded writing by a human. On a large slate rock in the center of the cave there are what appear to be crude letters scratched into the surface, The letters do not resemble English or any other form of writing presently known, but someone went to the trouble of recording his or her thoughts on the slate’s surface.In 1983 a scientist from Penn State University was given the opportunity to examine the rock, and the subsequent carbon dating proved that the text dated back at least 300,000 years. The scientist was sworn to secrecy.Earlier this year a world-class team of linguists and scholars was given the task of deciphering the text, but it took until last week for their studies to be complete. They announced that the ancient text contains the secret to life.The marks on the rock look something like this: *)-\^^^<,>’”^---(.1A loose translation would be, “Eating berries keeps you regular!”Gotcha!