Doing the scary stuff calls for this one shift
The delight and terror I felt when I heard I was accepted as a speaker at ICON9
When my proposal was accepted to be a participant presenter at ICON9, honestly, I was equally elated and terrified. Elated because, heck, who doesn’t like to be accepted for something. I also love public speaking and being onstage is one of my happy places.
The terror came when I thought oh frick! I have to pull together a 5-minute presentation with slides that will run automatically, 15 seconds per slide. My images would be projected onto a giant screen to nearly 700 visual professionals.
I have put together less than 10 slide decks in my life, so this part of the adventure is not in my wheelhouse.
More fear crept in when I thought about being judged by these professional illustrators. I feared they would think my work is not as accomplished as theirs. I don’t know how to use Illustrator or Photoshop and my art doesn’t have that polished, computer-generated look to it.
We are talking true, deep fear here. You may think of me as a brave person (I am). You may think that as a coach I can talk myself off the ledge. (Sometimes I can.)
But I am like you, taking risks and feeling the fear that accompanies these risks. However, unlike a lot of people, I have a low tolerance for living with fear. I usually get stuff done as soon as possible. I am not one of those last-minute performers who can exist with fear for months and then pull something off at the last minute. I just can’t bear that tension over a long period of time.
Plus, I was in Paris when all this happened and I was dedicated to making art and enjoying my days. I didn’t want to live with this fear that shivered through my veins like an electrical charge.
The loop in my mind repeated: Those illustrators are going to think you are a no-talent amateur!
The shift
Finally I realized: I must change the way I see myself or this is going to be a freaking nightmare.
It was clear to me right away that if I held the current self-perception that I was less than the audience, I would be living in a painful place for six weeks. And I couldn’t bear that.
My old view of myself was like an outdated tattered dress, frayed at the edges, but still really, really comfortable. But this old dress doesn’t look good on me and it’s clear to anyone else that I’ve outgrown in. It had to go.
So with the help of a couple of close friends – KC and Carl – I put in place a new self-perception. The new loop said: I have experiences that are interesting and I have something valuable to offer the audience.
It wasn’t easy to maintain this perspective. There were a lot of hurdles that I had to jump over to do this thing. My external hard drive went AWOL. I panicked about my slides and almost sent an SOS to KC to get help with my slide deck. I was two weeks late submitting the deck because I didn’t know there was a deadline to submit it. And on and on.
At one point the fear was so bad I wanted to bail out. But I’d signed a contract. So that wasn’t an option, but the flight response was deeply activated.
Last Saturday, I went onstage with the other five presenters and stayed there during their presentations. I did mine with a small cheat sheet. I finished 20 seconds under the 5 minutes allotted.
The title of my talk: How I Ditched Practical Advice and Followed an Unlikely Career as an Illustrator.
I came offstage a different person – more confident, more trusting of myself, a better public speaker and a very relieved Cynthia. Wearing, of course, a lovely new dress that completely fits me and my new self.
This feeling was worth all the suffering I went through to get there. Who knows what’s possible with this new confidence?
What about you? What self-identity are you wearing that’s out of date? Take a survey of your inner closet and see what old stories, beliefs, self-perceptions are still hanging around keeping you from doing those things you really want to do, whether it’s submitting your art or writing to a contest, submitting a book proposal or going live with your web site. What new self-perception belongs in there?
Practice this shift now and watch your life get better:
1) Look at a place in your life where you want to move forward.
2) Identify the perception or belief you have of yourself currently.
3) Then craft, in a pithy and powerful sentence, the new self-identity.
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