Cheaters never win.

"You left me untethered, ungrounded, unsure, unanswered. Undone. Actually, you made me leave. And rather than blame you, I left you all the comforts of our nest and took just myself. So that I might pick up where you left off in the unraveling.

I wish I'd been kinder to me.

I wish you had too, but that notion seems superfluous from here.

Somewhere along the way, I realized you didn't actually leave me because of me. You left me for her. Which might have been worse.

For a long time, it hurt to even read Holly's name. For a while I thought I would like her, under different circumstances (say, ones in which you didn't start wooing and loving her while we still shared the same bed). But then, as I finally started walking out of that gulf and finding my footing on overdue anger, it consumed her too.

If you asked me late at night in a hard winter, I would tell you I hated her for a long time. For replacing me. For being what you wanted more than you wanted me. For being what I wasn't - maybe what would have kept you, I told myself. Casual and easy, athletic and slim as a reed and blond as a child.

I'd watch her and think, she must feel forgiving as hard fought freedom to you. Carefree and jubilant after me and my deep sad heart that feels everything too much. Me who can never not say what I am feeling, can never be satisfied, can never stop wondering and wandering and analyzing and pushing you and me and the whole great world to be More. Why couldn't I be so easy, I would wonder. WHY CAN'T I EVER JUST BE EASY? I would scream out to the red blur of traffic at night or to my therapist at 5 pm appointments for which I was always late and unexcited.

The other night, we got a beer, Holly and me. This woman who had been such a torturous reflection of how I fell short. And it felt better than ok, it felt like relief. Like finding land.

The day you delivered her verdict, I stopped hating her and started aching for her instead. When one of my twin nieces is hurt, the other cries. Doubles over and holds the same wrenched gut, the same malevolent tooth. That makes perfect sense to me and my wounds, burst open by empathy. I read about this good woman heaving on the office rooftop, secreted away to find five minutes to be broken under the heavy canopy of cloud cover, in this city that didn't slow down for either of our demises. And across town, I feel it.

 Over Surlys on a busy sidewalk on a humid night, we trade notes. All the things we never understood. Why didn't you ever take any of the outs we offered? If we weren't good enough, why did you spindle us back in? We unwrapped the facts we should have seen as secrets and not assuaged as baseless suspicions back then. The women you courted, the lies you told, the computers you locked down and the phone that vibrated with texts while we lay in dark beds, trying to decide if we were up for the punishment that came for asking. For not being cool enough to ignore it all. The first day you took her out, you sent me third anniversary flowers to work. I never knew that. You told her we broke up the night before, the night you were busy writing me a love note. She never knew the truth. (I close my eyes and repeat this like the answer I've been waiting for.) We discover how many of your lines are trademarked. Designed for maximum impact. There is no chance. No authenticity. It's enlightening  We laugh raucously in disbelief, which I should be able to from this distance because I have Come Through. But Holly, she's tougher than I was already. I admire her and tell her I wish I'd taken my own side like she is keeping hers.

It's freeing, you know? It takes a lot of energy to be so hurt by someone. To feel so inferior and be so angered by the sole fact that they must share an existence in your orbit. I am grateful to lay down my tired torch."

Go read the rest here.My friend Erica is one of the best people I know. She's loving and giving (and forgiving) and welcoming and she opens her deep, beautiful heart to those who need it, regardless of what may have occurred before. I love her so much.
I won't call people out on this blog. I could, and I really don't care what they or anyone might think about it. But I'm done doing that, I think. And if I call out one, then I have to call out the others, and then really, it becomes about me taking responsibility for shedding light on the things you're doing. But you know who you are. The thing is, when you treat women badly, it always comes out. Whether it's pathologically cheating on your wife or the narcissistic habit of texting the same "Last night I cried in the grocery store. This is so hard" msg to the last two girls you cheated on...I mean. It's out there. And you might think that you can keep it quiet with lies, intimidation, charm, threats, or even social outcasting...but it's coming for you. And you know it.