The Figure Four Weekly is Terrible

With essentially a six-hour UFC event (I attended live), a three-hour TNA PPV, a three-hour Raw, plus all the usual TV, no room for anything except reviews this week.

There's also no time to treat the legitimate sport and the fringe theatre any differently. Let's all just report on it like it's the same thing. In no way could that possible paint one as less important than the other.

in case the time comes that I have to write another book about a company that ran itself out of business due to sheer incompetence.

There's no time in this newsletter to explain why the people who, through "sheer incompetence" are all still employed to this day.

So without further ado, because there is no space of ado, here we go.

There's also no time to copyedit.

[UFC] Big pop for the start of the opening round. Well, among the 1,500 or so fans in the building to start this show.

There's no time to comment on the fact that this UFC PPV seems to have drawn TNA house show numbers.

All on the feet early.

Still no time to copyedit.

[TNA] was literally all down here from this instant.

There's no time to consider whether or not this was true.

And I don't want to hear that this isn't TNA's fault because Foley is finished with the company, because the reason he's finished with the company is 100 percent due to TNA's handling of him.

There's no time to check Mick Foley's blog to see that even he said this wasn't really the case.

Anderson, I should note, the number-one contender for the World Title, had a sucker in his mouth.

There's no time to wonder why. Let's just call it stupid and move on.

Everyone was booing so presumably Anderson is a heel now.

There's no time to point out that Anderson has been playing a selfish villain for three to four months at this point.

They've used this bullshit line for years, and meanwhile I don't remember a single champion ever having any power of any kind.

There's also no time to remember that over the years HHH, Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, or Hulk Hogan, all guys who used the "World Title means power" story to their strategic advantage. There's also no time to appreciate that for once, a good guy is using that idea for supposed good.

Tara & Mickie James vs. Zombie Girl Angelina & Winter. This match. Just everything wrong with it.

There's no time for proper sentence structure.

Shelley tried to superkick Anarchia and accidentally hit Storm, allowing Anarchia to get the pin. Yes, their FIRST MATCH EVER AS A TEAM and Shelley fucked up and they're teasing a break-up.

There's also no time to notice that since it was their first match, maybe they weren't that good as a team, and that they were not in fact hinting a breakup. There's no time to apologize for this comment when things worked out fine on PPV.

[About Jarrett] Hell of a promo.

There's no time to go back three paragraphs and remove that "was literally all down here from this instant" line.

[Raw] Out came Truth to spoil the no fun.

There's no time for no fun.

Riley fired up, landed shot after shot, then Piper school-boy'd him and Riley counted the pin. Place went nuts. It's almost too bad they're almost certain to beat Riley on Sunday, because he's going to get over if they keep booking him like this. God knows we can't have that.

There's no time to check that there's only one person likely to beat Riley (making the "they're" incorrect), or that perhaps they are actually trying to turn Riley into something, or that Alex Riley hasn't had a meaningful match in his entire career and going fifteen minutes and losing to The Miz on Sunday doesn't mean that they don't believe in him.

A million girls vs. a million girls. Like every heel on both rosters vs. every babyface on both rosters.

There's no time to remember the names of girls because girls are all the same, but we have to waste time remembering every UFC guy on a forgettable show even though they look way, way more alike than any of these women.

I love how CM Punk can pin Cena but there is just about no chance in hell that Truth is ever going to. And Truth is the one challenging for the title.

There's still no time to write proper sentences, no time to point out that Punk has only pinned Cena in non-title matches, and no time to suppose that Truth has just a good a shot against Cena as any other guy who's faced Cena on PPV (Ask Edge, Sheamus, Wade Barrett, The Big Show, and any number of guys who have beaten him when bad writers on the internet insisted otherwise).