The third movie is always the worst

The last movie on the flight overtoStockholm was The Karate Kid remake,which is as horrible a piece of moviemaking as I have seen in recent memory. I watched most of it with the sound off, which, surprisingly, did not improve it much. Apparently, the story of the film is that Jaden Smith's mom moves him to the Chinese exhibit at EPCOT, where he goes to middle school with bunch of graduate students who know kung fu, and a cute girl who plays violin. The grad students beat him up after they all do some parkour and then he learns every Kung Fu move ever from Jackie Chan's kindly handyman in the space of about two montages. Jackie also rubs Jaden's shirtless chest while his hands are on fire at one point, but Mom thinks it's great they're hanging out. Then there is a tournament, which is one long sequence of large crowds cheering slo-mo replays of kids getting beaten up, and thenJaden's mom cheers wildly when becomes out tonight in the finals on a leg tha's been pummeled into linguini.

Let's repeat that: she cheers wildly as her kid goes out to fight another kid twice his size ON A BROKEN LEG.

The bad guys cheat but the hero wins and suddenly there is the equivalent of a slow clap and everyone is friends, because, hey, just because a guy tried to pulverize your femur doesn't mean he's a bad dude. Or something.

And no, there was no karate. But you knew that already.

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