Effing Feline was naughty (heh, heh, heh)

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Effing Feline was naughty (heh, heh, heh)

Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf

I, Effing Feline, was naughty.

Cousin Lee, who overstayed his welcome

My pet human, Ed Hoornaert (aka Mr Valentine) went out back to mow the lawn yesterday, while my visiting Cousin Lee (at right) watched birds through the window and licked his lips.

When Mr V came in for water, I batted a catnip mouse against the jamb … and when he went back outside again, gee, the door didn’t latch. How’d that happen? Heh, heh, heh. Slipping my paw into the crack, I pulled with all my mighty strength. Cousin Lee bounded out the door and over the six-foot brick wall around the yard. Bye bye, Cousin Lee, hello, peace and quiet!

To celebrate, I’ve chosen 10 sentences from an upcoming science fiction book of Mr V’s: a short story collection called Future Love. This snippet is from Thimbleriggers, in which a crook invents a new form of pornography — with unintended consequences.

The crook’s first ‘subject’ is the story’s romantic lead: a 90-year-old woman. Mature (90 years mature!) subject matter ahead.

“I imagine I understand better than you the physics and psychology involved in your, uh…device,” she said.

Aldous gave the ugly grey crate an affectionate nudge with his foot. “The research lab I bought it from called it a breadbox, ’cause of its size and shape, but me, I call it a mind-raper.”

Kathleen rotated a cheap-looking bracelet around and around her wrist. “Anyway, your, uh, device scans and digitizes my memories, which you’ll sell over the Internet to customers with those new home theater extension packages. They’ll experience my thoughts and emotions, as well as the full sensory range of my sexual experiences — visual, aural, olfactory, tactile.”

Internet? No one had used that term since before he was born. “Don’t forget taste, sister.” Aldous stuck his middle finger into his mouth, sucked noisily, and then laughed.

Effing Feline here again. One of you texted me, asking what happened to Cousin Lee. When last seen, he was chasing a Fiat down Broadway. Caught it, too. The driver got away, but the Fiat? Down the hatch in two bites. Heh, heh, heh.

Make sure you visit all the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundays posts.

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…to an all-review book tour for Ed Hoornaert’s science fiction romance, Alien Contact for Idiots. The tour started last Tuesday with an insightful review by our own Elizabeth Alsobrooks, a Weekend Writing Warrior. Leave a comment at one of the stops and I’ll appreciate it — and you’ll also put yourself in the running for a $40 Amazon or Barnes and Noble gift certificate. AC for Idiots thumbnail