Peace Be With You and Goodbye

Well, I’ll just come out and say it.  I have crossed over to the other side.  I have set the raft and all worldly worries aside.  There will be no more Andy. While the shell, the delusion, of me appears before you, I have dissolved into peaceful and eternal bliss.

To my faithful readers and friends, I wish to offer a few words of encouragement and insight into the experience of “the other side”.

First, – and yes, even in my state of pure equanimity, I think this is peculiar,  – there are a lot of chickens over here.  I never knew how literal these little cultural memes are.

Second, all the candy bars and junk food are the same over here.  I thought maybe it would be like going to London and everything would be just a little different.  But no.  Ho Hos and Reeses are all here in plentiful supply.

Also, I haven’t really lost any weight.  Turns out before and after enlightenment, your the same size, shape, weight, everything.  Yeah the hair is still profusely blossoming from my nose, ears, etc. Getting lighter is totally unrelated to en”lighten”ment.  I kinda thought this, but you know, you can hope right?

I can see you all still.  Sure that sounds spooky, maybe even creepy, but it’s true.  Unless of course you leave the room.  then I can’t see you at all.  Maybe that comes with time.  I’ll keep you posted.

Abe Vigoda is nowhere to be seen.  Can you guys check again, I’m thinking he’s still on your side.  No sign at all.  Oh, and I guess good news for you guys, Kanye West and the Kardashians are all here.  I’m really happy for all of you.

Obviously, since you’re reading this, there’s internet here (actually can someone email me and let me know you got this, cause maybe it’s a separate internet).  I can keep up on what you’re all doing on facebook and twitter.

Oh and cats are still better than dogs on this side.

Anyway, I’ve gotta get back to Nirvana, my hot pockets are sizzling in the microwave.  I wish you all a speedy enlightenment.  Wish you were here. Bye now.

Oh, BTW, what’s today’s date?

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