happy to be lost.

it's been coming for awhile. the disengagement. the letting it completely drop from my ireallyneedto consciousness. the backing away.

the truth is is that i love what i do. but now i have this other crazy love in my life and i'm still struggling with how to hold it all, and how to manage it all. in my worst moments, i feel like i'm failing when it comes to my creativity and biz. i walk around with high expectations of myself to figure it out. and to do it quickly. people are waiting on me. new art needs to be made. deadlines are piling. it feels like disappointment is living in the next room, where the door is almost always open. the anxiety is close and it totally sucks. it doesn't really feel like a creative/inspiration crisis but more like a priority/time crisis.



in between all of that angst, i see him, i see them, and i'm in that moment, fully with my heart. and that's where i want to stay. he's only going to be this age once. he's only going to discover his toes once. his hands are only going to be this small, this precious once. my heart might never be this open again. and so i stay in that moment.

and that's where i've been lately. hanging out inside precious moment after precious moment. i can see how women lose themselves. i can feel and sense exactly how that happens. for now, i'm happy to be lost.