Tunnel of Light and Shadow – A Poem

There is a twin inside of me,

one that rarely sees the light

of day, or feels the light inside

of me. He doesn’t stop to ask,

to comprehend, to contemplate.

All he knows is emotion, pure

and unadulterated. However,

whereas I try to live my life

holding light, within the light,

he knows only darkness.

As he is my twin, the yin to

the yang to my light self,

his emotions are mine.

When he takes over,

I can see myself through his eyes.

I can contemplate his actions,

try and stop him, try to hold him

back from doing something he

will regret. But there must be

darkness to appreciate the light

just as there must be light

to appreciate the darkness.

I’ve struggled with him,

with who he is and have

a terrible time convincing myself

that he is myself at my most

dark moments. After the whirlwind

of his emotions, I spend a day or two

taking myself to task for giving in,

for entertaining such thoughts and actions.

I get mad at myself for letting him take over

and then I get angry with myself for being angry.

It is an almost unending cycle

of self abuse and self loathing. However,

there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It shines bright amongst the shadows

that linger within me. Within that light

is my salvation, my relief, my breath.

I often see myself walking down

a tunnel, one hand holding shadows

and one hand holding light.

He’s walking beside me.

Eventually, he sees how tired I am,

how weary, and he reaches out to take

the shadow. But there’s light at the edges,

twinkling like stars. Just as there is

darkness within my light, adding depth

to the brightness that shines forth.

I walk to the exit of the tunnel,

the light glorious on my skin.

As I walk into the light, I look back

only once. He is standing there,

watching me go and I wonder,

fleetingly, when I will see him again.