Start At The Beginning

A chapter from Adoption: A Journey of Discovering God’s Grace

By Josh Bechtel

Interesting…how we can read one line…and be sure we grasp the paragraph. Or one paragraph and be sure we have grasped the page. Or one page and be sure we have grasped

the chapter. Or one chapter and be sure we have grasped the book. Or one book and be sure we have grasped the series.

Then someone comes along and says there is more. And we treat them like…a fool. Or a “rabble rouser”. Or a crazy discontent. And we are so sure we are right. So sure, in fact, that there is no need to even look at their claims, or their experiences or even wonder if we can see as well as we thought we did.

Let’s say someone gives you a book to read. And you ask, “Where should I begin reading?”

“Oh, anywhere. Its all good.”

So you flip open the book and what you read is…almost obscene. So you flip somewhere else and it is so stuffy and romantic that it is almost…sickening.

This book is…sick, and not in a good way.

Someone is in a huge and constant argument with someone over…who knows what.

Or…you flip open the book and are amazed at the wondrous mysteries of this thing called grace. You are confronted with a person who is evidently like no one else. You get this almost unnerving idea that this person actually…loves you, and crazy as it sounds might want the best for you. It does not really make a whole lot of sense…but it does seem awesome.

Or…you read what sounds like a married couple on theverge of a divorce.

Or…you read about an overbearing, angry deity who…hates any competition and loves to shed blood.

Or a different deity (so it seems) who claims to be incredibly kind.

And you hardly know what to do with a book like this.

But what if you start at the beginning? THE beginning.

I did not say, your beginning.

What if your several chapters are in the middle or even at the end of a gigantic series? What if the pages you have are actually preludes…or even forgeries? Perhaps it is too

much for you to accept that the pages you have picked up are distractions from the main plot and you have to discard your pages that up till now have somewhat guided your life and understanding of what it is all about? What if the pages you collected and have compiled about your life…are not the real explanation?

What if it is not all about your own personal pleasure?

What if it isn’t about how bruised and bloodied you are by the unfairness of life?

What if it isn’t about how God has dealt you a bad hand of cards? Or that others have “done you dirt.”

What if the line…or page…or chapter…or book…is not really about what you thought it was…

You. Poor, little, not allowed to have what would bring fulfillment (robbed of what you deserved…robbed by life and family and God…you).

What if the picture is bigger…and you aren’t the main character in it? What if the book is not just about you. What if you really are not the center of the universe? What if the

world is bigger than that pity party centered around your belly button?

What if?

So life told you…whatever it did. What if it told someone else something different? Lets say life told you you had it all coming to you on a silver platter. What about the kid who was doing good to have a mud pie baked in the sun?

What if it is not just all about your needs? Now there are many aspects to this subject of need. How much food do you need? How much cash, or land, or sex…yes, I said that…do

you need?

I know people who have decided God hated them because God refused to give them the person they needed. I know others who have the person they needed and still their lives

and eyes are hollow…and they have it all…glam…cash…kids…wine…wealth…

There are also some who have little…astonishingly little, and you would think they are kings and queens. They seem content. And they do not have masses of people surrounding

them meeting their precious, inner, people relationship cup of needs…

What have they found that…that escapes you? What do they have that I have missed? Or are they just fooling themselves? You know, the list of all the things “if they just knew…if they just knew…

What if God is really so out to “get you”…not in the way we normally think of it…that He allows everything you have tried to find fulfillment in to crumble? What if He actually allowed what was supposed to have turned to gold at your touch, to turn to powdery dust? What if He allowed the relationship that you idolized to go totally sour because you were worshiping the person instead of God?

And what if the God who took all this away really, really, really, wants something from you? And what if He wants it from you badly enough that He is willing to take away every

distraction and arrange so that you actually had to choose to turn to Him…or die?

Is this God who took it all away…at least, who took away the things you crave…good?

Is it possible that the God who took away your idol wants to give you something better? The pain that resulted when He took it away, or allowed it to disintegrate, is not a sign to try to fill it with more people. Or more cash. Or even more anger.

There is only one thing that can start to fill the hole in your heart. And you do not even have to accept it. But if you don’t…your heart will still loose relationships like a sieve

looses water.

The one thing…or Person, rather, is God. You have a God sized hole in your “cup”…probably lots of them. Ignoring these holes is like ignoring the holes in a sieve. And your

people needs will still drain out of you like rain. You will be alone in a crowd. People know when someone is trying to get from them what can not be gotten from fellow humans. And if they are turning you away it is not because they hate you. It is because they literally cannot be the power source for both them and you. Some of them may have thought they are the power source. Some are wise enough to know that they are not. And those who are wise enough to “push you away” are doing it for your good as well as for theirs?