Lorraine Reguly's Blog

PROSTITUTION and ADDICTION: Marlie’s Story

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I don’t talk about my past much. I don’t like remembering the bad stuff. Yet, I know that talking about it, writing about it, and facing it head-on all help me heal.

Marlie is currently facing her past and is on her way to healing, too.

Marlie is the author of the poem included in this post. Before we get to it, let me tell you a bit about her. (You already know about my life journey!)

PROSTITUTION AND ADDICTION – How I Met Marlie

I first met Marlie when I was working on the streets.

We were prostitutes for different reasons but shared many commonalities. We were both sexually abused. We were both single moms. We both like writing poetry. Also, we both had addictions—me, to gambling (and for ten months of my life, to crack). Marlie, although she smoked crack and used cocaine in other forms, was mainly addicted to heroin.

Prostitution and drug addiction often go hand in hand, although there are exceptions.

I have never used heroin. In fact, I have never used needles to use ANY street drug. Marlie and a few other hookers I knew used needles. After seeing one particular woman use needles in front of me, I vowed that I would NEVER do that. I saw how she lived. I saw the dirty places she used drugs in (including stairwells of dirty, old, smelly apartment buildings). I saw the drugs change her after she used them. I was disgusted by it all.

Marlie wasn’t as lucky as I was. Her disgust didn’t come until later, after she was put through hell and back more times than she can count.

Marlie’s experiences with drugs was (and still is) a battle. Heroin ruined many years of her life. She was a drug runner, a drug user, and has lost several people to drug overdoses. She even overdosed herself. She was lucky she didn’t die. 

She lived to tell her story.

MARLIE’S POEM ABOUT ADDICTION AND PROSTITUTION

Here is the poem Marlie wrote:

I have the needle ready with morphine that I cooked.
The first time that I used it, I knew that I was hooked.

Itchy skin and tingles, warmness deep inside,
Labeled as a junkie, my tears, I try to hide.

Track marks on my body,
I am an addict, I’ll admit.
I have to do it for myself;
I have to want to quit.

I have made my family angry.
They don’t know what to say,
Knowing my addiction,
Scared death is on its way.

I need to take life seriously;
I know it’s not a game.
And if I don’t keep trying,
On a stone, you’ll see my name.

Standing on a corner,
He pulls up in a truck.
He says, “I’m looking for a date.
You want to make a buck?”

Doing anything for money,
I begin to sell my soul.
Running to the dealers
Has become my only goal.

I begin to hate my body,
And don’t like how I feel.
Touching me all over,
My self-esteem he steals.

Thinking about where I’ve been,
Alone I sat and cried,
Wondering how different life would be,
If only I had tried.

I cannot point my finger;
There’s no one else to blame.
Walking with my head down,
I chose to live in shame.

THE REST OF MARLIE’S STORY

Marlie’s story is ongoing.

She has been on (and off) methadone for almost two years. She has relapsed a few times (after she went off the methadone, which was clearly helping her). She continues to struggle with her addiction and is leaving for six months or so, soon, to enter a treatment facility.

Marlie recently had a breakthrough. She realized that she needs to find ways of coping and dealing with everything she has endured if she is to overcome her demons.

Marlie has been on path to healing and recovery for a while. Not all addicts are able to get there on their own. They need help, love, and support.

I have written posts about addiction and mental health before. These are topics that deserve attention. (See the links below the section called 5 Resources for You. Find them at the end of the post.)

Anyone who is addicted deserves our attention. After all, they are human. And no one should have to feel LESS THAN HUMAN, like Marlie and I did. We are people, too.

Fortunately, I have been able to rise above my past. Marlie is still struggling to. She’ll make it. She is a fighter. She’s also an intelligent woman who deserves to be happy.

And she’s on her way to that.

Her transformation has already begun. Look at her pictures! You can see for yourself how healthy she looks now, compared to how she looked when she was using.

There are three sets of pictures, showing Marlie BEFORE (when she was using) and AFTER (when she stopped using and got clean).

WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR AN ADDICT OR A PROSTITUTE?

If you know someone who needs a helping hand, help them.

Let them know you are there for them. Let them know you love them.

Sometimes, a little love goes a long way… and allows you to live your life to the fullest.

5 Resources for You

Mental Health Online Supports Exist So YOU ARE NOT ALONE

FROM NOPE TO HOPE: How I Overcame My Suicidal Thoughts (and How You Can, Too)

FOR #MeToo SURVIVORS: A Powerful #Poem of Strength + Inspiration

The Importance of Transparency in Relationships (+ an Inspirational Poem: ONE DAY)

5 Unique Challenges Women Face When It Comes to Drug Addiction

What did you think of Marlie’s poem? Her story? Her struggles? 

Do they sound familiar? 

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Last Updated : Wednesday, December 30, 2020

The post PROSTITUTION and ADDICTION: Marlie’s Story appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

Improving Your Confidence as a Writer

If you have confidence as a writer, it is possible to make a career out of writing.

Whether you want to write for a publication, publish your poems, write for your own blog, become a freelancer, or become an author, it’s all doable.

Of course, there are challenges as well. Standing out amongst the crowd is hard, and plenty of people just give up before they even try.

One reason for this is the lack of confidence. Many people can write (and write well), but they are their own worst critic, which often prevents them from flourishing as a writer.

If this sound like you, are some ways you can improve your confidence as a writer.

The First Draft is Going to Be Bad

If you’re writing a novel and you write a chapter then compare yourself to one of the greats, it may wreck your confidence. They write so eloquently, while your work feels choppy and doesn’t have that oomph to it.

This is because their published works went through many drafts and revisions!

Your first draft, in all likelihood, WILL be bad. Realize this and know that there is a good chance that their first draft wasn’t too much different than what you wrote. Works go through many revisions and drafts before the final product comes out. This is something you should remember whenever you are dealing with looking at your first draft.

That is why it is important to hire an editor to help you polish your work!

No Construction? No Criticism!

Another reason that some people don’t publish their writings is because, long ago, they were told that their writing wasn’t good enough. Maybe it was your parents, or perhaps a troll on the Internet said so. If they said your work was bad, but didn’t give a reason why, their opinion matters as much as a piece of trash.

Criticism of your work should be constructive. What did the critic like about your work? What can you improve on? If they feel that your work went flat, why? How could it have been good? Hearing opinions like this can make your work grow. However, opinions that are useless (such as just saying “You suck”) are to be ignored.

Just remember that if you have kids, don’t be that parent who harshly criticizes their art without telling how they can improve. In fact, buy them educational devices to help them grow. Encourage them and praise them often. This will foster a sense of goodness in their hearts and minds! They will also have confidence in themselves and their abilities as a result!

Network with Other Writers

One way that you can improve your confidence as a writer is to talk to other writers. You can find plenty of forums and Facebook groups that consist of both amateur and professional writers.

Trade tips, ask to read each other’s work, and offer and receive advice. This can help you boost your confidence and allow you to be much better as a result.

Find Your Niche

One way you can improve your confidence is to find your niche and excel at that.

Is your goal to write sappy romance stories? Do you want to write informative articles like this one? How about writing PR? Or do you want to be someone who dabbles in a little bit of everything?

Finding your niche and working hard to improve yourself is a great way to improve your overall confidence as a writer.

Seek Help!

Finally, if you are still having problems being confident as a writer, consider going to counseling or talking to a therapist. Your confidence problem could be a part of a bigger mental health issue that can wreck you if left untreated. Talking to a professional therapist can help you find the cause and improve your confidence so you can be the best writer possible.

If you want to learn more about how you can seek help, click below:

https://www.regain.us/advice/therapist/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-online-therapy/

Other Resources

Check out 20 Ways to Be a Master Writer and Improve Your Writing Skills.

Also, see Writer’s Block (+ the 10 Best Ways to Overcome It)

 

 

Last Updated : Tuesday, April 23, 2019

The post Improving Your Confidence as a Writer appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

Resource Roundup #1 (and the REAL Reason for It!)

There are tons of resources online for bloggers, freelancers, authors, for writers of all kinds, and for business owners (solopreneurs and entrepreneurs).

I have scoured the web to find the best ones in each of these categories and published a series of posts on my business site, Wording Well.

Each resource post also contains Additional Resources (for Success)!

Here are the links to the first 6 posts in the series:

– Some Resources for You (#1)

– Some Resources for You (#2)

– Some Resources for You (#3)

– Some Resources for You (#4)

– Some Resources for You (#5)

– Some Resources for You (#6)

The REAL Reason for this Roundup

The reason I am posting this on my author site is so I can share this post to Facebook.

For some reason, some jerk complained about one of my posts to Facebook and now Facebook has deemed Wording Well to be an abusive site that goes against their community standards.

Now, I cannot post any links to any pages or posts from Wording Well to Facebook. No one can, actually. Facebook has banned my site from Facebook!

I know. I’m shaking my head in disbelief, too.

Several of my friends have defended me to Facebook and requested that the ban be lifted. I even requested that they reconsider their decision. Plus, I reported my problem to the Better Business Bureau. I actually received a response from Facebook, too. But it was a “visit the Help Center” type of generic response, which is completely useless, as there is no place to report my issue to Facebook BECAUSE A FACEBOOK DECISION IS THE ISSUE!

Yep, it’s frustrating.

However, I am still the helpful, friendly person I always was. That will never change.

So, I will continue to provide valuable content to my readers.

Count on it.

I will just have to use a few workarounds to spread my content across certain platforms.

Thank God I have two sites and can easily cross-link and cross-post!

Facebook might be a big guy in the overall scheme of things, and difficult to fight, but I am going to stand up for what I believe in and fight back!

You are worth it!

If I didn’t have an audience that counted on me, I wouldn’t fight so hard. But I know you love my valuable, helpful content, so I will keep providing you with it!

Until next time, enjoy!

Last Updated : Wednesday, April 10, 2019

The post Resource Roundup #1 (and the REAL Reason for It!) appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

The A to Z Challenge and ALL of My A to Z Poems

Have you ever taken part in a blogging challenge? I did. Once. In 2014.

The A to Z Blogging Challenge 2014

April Fool’s Day marked the beginning of the 2014 A to Z blogging challenge. Over 1500 bloggers took part in the month-long challenge by posting on the allocated days using the corresponding “letter of the day.” I did, too.

This post is a summary of the poems I wrote that year, which were originally published on Poetry Perfected. I had never been a part of a challenge like this.

Origins of the A to Z Challenge

Arlee Bird founded the A to Z Blogging Challenge in 2010 after reaching 200 followers on his blog. This idea developed into one which many bloggers love, and his post that discusses the intricacies of the challenge received over 125 comments!

Arlee Bird started a revolution with this idea and, since 2010, bloggers everywhere have participated in this challenge and have grown their blogs drastically!

The 2014 A to Z Challenge Hosts

Arlee Bird at Tossing It Out 

Alex J. Cavanaugh 

Stephen Tremp 

Tina Downey at Life is Good  

Damyanti Biswas at Amlokiblogs

Jeremy Hawkins at Being Retro

Nicole at The Madlab Post

MJ at M.J Joachim’s Writing Tips 

Heather M. Gardner 

Ajay at Naturally Sweet 

Pam at An Unconventional Librarian 

Have fun discovering new, talented people to read and follow!

Ab Ovo

NOTE: Ab Ovo means “from the beginning”… in case you were wondering (which I know you were).

When I first started blogging, I created a free blog called Lorraine Reguly’s Life. Eventually, that site was deleted and my business site, Wording Well, was born. I imported most of my posts, and that is why Wording Well contains those old posts. I’ll eventually get around to moving those posts over here…

Anyways, this poem was written about my very first website/blog.

Ab Ovo

Initially, I created this blog

just to see if, indeed, I could.

I wanted to share my experiences with everyone in the entire world.

I know most of you will not care

about anything I have to say

But I wanted to try a few things out,

and document my life day by day.

Yet I found I couldn’t do that

because I didn’t have that much time

Life’s too short, and people get bored,

So, instead, I wrote this rhyme.

I am in a stage of life right now

Where I am confused and lost.

I am striving to be a better person,

I am succeeding, too,

But I don’t know at what cost.

I may be here for just a short time,

I may be here for a while,

I may hit “delete site” one day,

I may stay if you make me smile.

Yes, I like to write poetry,

But I like to write other stuff, too.

For now, I am going to share

some of my experiences with YOU.

You can stay, or you can go;

I am just glad that you dropped by!

I will never force you into anything,

although I may plead for help or cry.

I offer nothing of value

and so will not ask for a dime;

I am just glad you’re here with me right now,

even if only for a short time.

Please feel free to look around,

and learn along with me;

Everything you find on this site

Is completely me, and 100% free.

I’ll write about many things,

and will help you if I am able.

I’ll offer you free advice, never holding back,

I’ll put all cards upon the table.

So join me on my journey

— if you like, if you dare —

as I evolve, investigate and explore…

—Welcome to my lair! —

A is for Asinine!

Asinine. That’s the only word that comes to mind when I think about my participation in this challenge! I want to create more time for myself, not less, these days, as I have some writing projects that I need to work on if I am going to attain my goals. However, I think that having to do certain challenges will help discipline me, so maybe there is going to be an upside to this challenge after all.?

After

All

Actually what I

Am doing is

Accelerating this process.

Aah.

A good thing.?

Always strive

And

Aspire to be great!

Writing poetry with a lettered theme is tough. I’ll give it a go, though.

I think writing Haiku poetry might be the best way to tackle this challenge.

I doubt that I will be able to do this for every letter of the alphabet, but here is my

ATTEMPT:

Armies advocate

abasing and abhorring

all adversaries.

While this is not a traditional Haiku, it does highlight the letter “A” and was difficult to write! I challenge you to write a Haiku poem using letters beginning with A and share it in the comments!

If you are having trouble getting started with your challenge, here are some words to get you started. A few of my favourites are:

Alliteration

Allusion

Achievements

Affinity

Affection

Affluencial

Adversity

Argumentative

Astounding

B is for Bazinga!

Bazinga! is what Sheldon Cooper, a character on the Big Bang Theory, played by actor Jim Parsons, says whenever he performs a practical joke.

Here is my first attempt at a Haiku poem using words beginning with the letter “B”:

“Bazinga” behooves

bogus, baffling blunders 

by bewilderment.

Here is another attempt:

Brazenly, brightly,

beautiful bloggers bestow

banal brandishments.

This darn challenge is hard when it’s related to poetry!

I’m really thinking I was right when I said that this challenge was an asinine one for me to partake in.?

. . . Bazinga!

C is for Caracal, Cats, and Challenge

What is a caracal? Do you know?

Until recently, I didn’t know what a caracal was. It took my five-year-old nephew to teach me!

If you happen to have or know a child who is interested in Wild Kratts, you might know that a caracal is an animal. More specifically, it is a type of a cat.

I’ll elaborate further in a moment, but first let me tell you that I learned about caracals from my five-year-old nephew, Alistair, who visited one day and was trying to tell me something. I had no idea what he was talking about (he is a bit hard to understand sometimes), but when he told me to go to PBS.kids.com, I realized quite quickly what he was trying to say when he pointed to the game called Caracal Leap. He’s played it before, and was trying to tell me something about “creature power.” (I think this has to do with Wild Kratts.)

Anyways, I learned a few facts about Caracals from my nephew, and we watched a few videos about crocodiles (and how to tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator), too.

Here are the basics, which I’ll relate to you in the form of a poem:

Caracals are African wildcats that can leap ten feet high. 

Caracals use their jumping ability to catch birds and other prey.

Caracals are found where cheetahs are found, too.

Caracals might even be found in a zoo!

Okay, so the first two lines of the poem don’t rhyme exactly, but the last two do, so I am giving myself a pass on this one.?

A Personal Poetry Challenge

Yesterday, in the comments, Rebeccah asked me if I was going to attempt tautograms for each letter. I hadn’t planned on it, but now that the challenge has presented itself to me, I figured I would give it a go, so here is a Haiku featuring the letter C:

Calmly coaxing cats

Controlling cacophony

Crazy, clamping claws

Noticed how I kept the whole cat theme going here?? (I think I’ll give myself a pat on the back for this one!)

Hang onto your hats. I’m not done with the poems yet, either!

Caracals are cats

Because caracals are cats, I thought I’d mention that my parents recently adopted two cats the other day. (My dad is a cat lover. Some of you may recall this when I showed you pics of the cat collage I made him. FYI, I also tell you how I made this poster!)

The two cats – Veronica and Midge – were adopted via Kitty Kare, an organization that operates on donations. There were no adoption fees, but Kitty Kare asks that you give a donation (it can be any amount) when you adopt from them. My sister is the one who told me about this organization, as my niece recently adopted her second cat from them.

Midge and Veronica are both black and white cats who were abandoned. Midge is about 8 or 9 months old, is small, and has a fluffy black tail. Veronica is about 14 months and has short hair. She’s the talkative one, while Midge is the shy one. Midge is my favourite. She’s a little cutie!

She is also my “tilted” kitty!

Here’s Midge:

Here’s Veronica:

I’m allergic to cats, but I still love them. So does my writer friend, Raani York, who writes about her three cats, from the cats’ point of view!

Here is a poem I wrote, called “Cat Love”:

Cats provide companionship,

semi-conditional love and joy;

Purring when happy,

growling when annoyed.

They each have personalities

and unique characteristics.

They have an amazing ability to heal

using their purrs and licks.

Cats are just like little children,

and will eat wet food on command.

They’ll ask to go outside

so they can roam and play.

They’ll bring home mice as presents,

whether cats are orange, black, white or grey.

Cats are adorable little creatures

– I think this is something we all know –

For all the reasons listed here,

this is why we love them so!

D is for Disease

Disease, decay, death

Drugs delay dexterity

Destructive dying.

Here is another D tautogram

Depressing, yes, but life is not always delightful.

Damn.

Don’t you agree?

E is for Editing and Ebooks

E is for editing. Editing is something I do on the side. Yes, I am a freelance editor! I’m also a freelance writer, and my first writing gig involved me regularly contributing (paid) blog posts to a site called Dear Blogger, where multiple blogging tips are freely given by Greg Narayan.

I’ve guest posted on multiple sites during the past year, and even wrote a post called How to Help Readers “Get” Your Blog Posts for a blogger friend of mine, which provides strategies you can employ to edit your own work. However, if you ever need some editing done, you can contact me via my other site, Wording Well. (See my inexpensive editing rates here.) If you join my subscriber list, you can get a FREE copy of my e-book, 20 Blog Post Must-Haves, too!

Here is my Haiku featuring the letter E:

Editing efforts

eliciting endorsements

Excellent eyeballs

Egotistical Editor?

Yes! What can I say? I know I’m good! ?

Others do, too! I’ve received exuberant testimonials, so I know my skills are awesome.

Have you ever needed an editor or a writer? Employ me when you do!

I’m excellent, established, and extremely expedient! (I’m also an English teacher. See my credentials.)

F is for Freelancing

Freelancing is not for everyone. Is the freelance life for you? It is for me, and I enjoy both writing and editing. Creating poetry is something I do as a hobby, and this blogging challenge has been enjoyable so far. Since I only recently started freelancing, you could say I am still earning my feathers. I mention feathers because one of the poems I wrote today mentions feathers.[image error] If you have been following this A to Z blogging challenge of mine, you’ll know that I’ve been writing tautograms in the form of Haikus, and I’ll continue to do so, as part of this challenge.[image error]

Here are two Haikus for you:

freelance fantasy

fluent fascination

fancy fluency

fluttering feathers

floating fantastically

flakily flawless

G is for Gambling

I am a gambler. I like taking risks. I also like playing bingo. In fact, while I was playing bingo one evening, I got really sick. I nearly died. You can read about my whole ordeal if you want. This true story is even part of an anthology!

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter G:

gambling generates

great gains, gratification

gratuitous goals

H is for Haiku

Haiku poetry is easy to write, as it follows the 5-7-5 syllabic pattern. Variations of this type of poem can also be written.

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter H:

hunky humans hunt

hungrily, haphazardly

half hypnotically

I have written many Haikus. Here is a link to 24 of them.

I is for Innovative

Innovation is key when creating poetry, because you don’t want to create something similar to what’s been created already.

Creating poetry can be tough. Mary Jaksch (from Write to Done) posted How to Write a Poem (and Why This Will Help You Become a Better Writer) and it got me thinking about my own creative process, which varies depending on what I’m writing.

When it comes to poetry, I tend to prefer the method of rhyming words with one another. When creating poems, I also tend to tell a story.

I have written one really good poem in my life. Everyone I have shared it with so far has told me that I should get it published!

Of course, this was before I knew that I could self-publish it!?

You can find this awesome poem right here: In One’s Eyes.

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day, featuring the letter I:

inside inquiries

ideates inspiration

individual

I liked creating this poem so much that I decided to create another. Here it is:

improvised intel

inferior ideas

incorporates ills

J is for Julian

Julian is my son, and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I like to think that he saved my life.

I had Julian when I was 18. He’s now 24. When he was 19, he moved out, and I didn’t see or speak to him for about three years.

I re-connected with him after I nearly died. He continues to impact my life. I love him so much!

Of course, we had our problems, too, mainly when he was a teenager.

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day, featuring the letter J, reminiscent of those horrible times:

juvenility

judgemental jeopardizing

justified jading

All I can say now is that I’m glad he’s not a teenager anymore! He’s a strong, young adult who works out, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t do drugs, and rarely drinks. Yes, he turned out alright![image error]

I wrote a letter to him that you might enjoy. I published it with his permission.

K is for Kindergarten, Kyrielle Sonnets, and Kids

You would think that I would write about kittens today, due to the recent adoption of two into my family last month, but my muse took me in a different direction.?

In fact, I was going to write a Kyrielle Sonnet (excellent instructions are given here, where you can also see a sample of a Kyrielle), but I honestly couldn’t get into it. I’ve been really tired lately, and I am not sure why.

So, in keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter K:

keyed-up, kicking kid

klutzy, kissable, keen, kind

kindergarten king

I confess that I had my little nephew in mind when I wrote this poem. He can be keyed-up, klutzy, kissable, and kind, and is keen, sometimes kicks, and started kindergarten last fall.

He’s now 5. He’s cute, too.

His name is Alistair (we call him Ali) and he is the star of the following home videos, which I hope you enjoy.

This is Ali getting a kick out of a Mickey Mouse toy:

This is him at his grandma’s house, playing with a toy and using it as a “wrecking ball”:

Ali has always loved water. I have taken him to the neighbourhood pool many times, and was really proud of him when he jumped in, learned to swim, and go down the slide!

L is for Loquacious, Lexicon, and Lexeme

Today’s post is educational in a fun way. Learn a few words, enjoy a few poems, and laugh if you want. I’ll be here listening, loving lightheartedly, and legislating lovely, loose language.

Loquacious Lorraine

I like to talk. Sometimes I ramble. I might even be considered loquacious.?

Loquacious is a word I recently added to my lexicon. I’m not a linguist, but I do love words; I’m awriter and an editor, after all.

I just happen to be an English teacher, too, who likes learning, and believes learning is lifelong.

I like adding words to my lexicon. I even get the “Word of the Day” emailed to me from Merriam-Webster’s site! (You can, too!)

I also love the letter L. I think having a name like Lorraine influences this love.[image error]

Lorraine’s Lexicon

In case you don’t know, a lexicon consists of all of the words you know. It has a couple of definitions, but is basically the vocabulary of a language, an individual speaker or group of speakers, or a subject. Think of your lexicon as your brain’s dictionary. Each person’s lexicon is different, depending on the words you know. Easy ones are found in almost everyone’s lexicon, but it’s neat to learn new words from one another, right?

(What is a interesting – and a bit surprising to me – is how opportunities for learning are all around us. Remember, my five-year-old nephew taught me a new word this past month:caracal.)

Adding words to your lexicon is something most writers do on an ongoing basis. Whenever I read a book and I encounter a word that I have never heard of, I make a note of it. I look up the meaning of it and try to use it in a sentence. (Recall doing this in school, anyone?)

I find that learning related words is easier to do than learning and remembering unrelated words. Our understanding is greater when things are made simpler. For this reason, I wanted to teach you two words you may not have hear of before today: lexeme and lemma.

Lexemes and Lemmas

A lexeme is best thought of as a basic unit of meaning. For example, in the English language, wrote, writing, writes, and written are forms of the same lexeme, conventionally written as write. Lemmas are related to lexemes.

“A lemma refers to the particular form that is chosen by convention to represent the lexeme. In lexicography, this unit is usually also the citation form or headword by which it is indexed.”

In the example I have provided, write is both a lemma and a lexeme. Writing is a lemma.Written is a lemma. (Yes, there will be a test on this later!)

Lovely language

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day, featuring the letter L, following the 5-7-5 pattern:

lexemes, lexicons,

lemmas languish lucidly

love lasting learning

I don’t think that one was very good.

The next one is a bit better. It follows the 7-5-5 pattern. Here it is:

leprous long left leg

layers leveaning

luxuriant living’s lost

Here is another. This might be the best one yet. It follows the 5-5-7 pattern:

loathesome local loiterer

lazily languished

lying, listening

Test Time

Ha. You thought I was kidding! Laughable!

It’s easy, though, so don’t worry.

I just want to know if, given four words, you can pick out the one that doesn’t belong. Here are the words:

lexeme, loquacious, lemma, lexicon

Did you guess correctly?? I hope so! If not, maybe you should read this section again.?

M is for Midge’s Mouse

Midge is one of the cats my parents adopted, but she is more mine than theirs, I think, and today’s Haikus tautograms are about her, sort of . . .

#1

my majestic Midge

murmurs magnificent meows

mystical, mighty

#2

movement motivates

Midge’s mechanical mice

maniacal meows

N is for Needles

Have you ever watched someone inject themselves with an illegal drug? I have. It’s not a nice scene. Trust me on that if you haven’t. I have, in fact seen this done on more than one occasion, even though I have NEVER done something like that to myself (not even during my drug days). I have, however, memories of walking in back lanes in my city and seeing dirty, used needles lying on the ground.

Drugs of all kinds – not just narcotics – it seems, are everywhere, nowadays, and people are less likely to hide the fact that they use them and, in keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day (which is a bit negative), featuring the letter N:

new nasty needles

nourish nature’s neighbourhoods

nirvana neglect

O is for Ocean and Orgy

#1

opulent oceans

occupants: oysters, odors,

overweight orcas

#2

organized orgies

orchestrated offences

orgasmic odors

P is for Prostitution

Prostitution is something I am familiar with. I used to be a prostitute. Most people think lowly of prostitutes, and I am no exception. Of course, what most of us fail to realize is that every prostitute is a person, and some of them have talents the world will never be aware of.

Take me, for instance. I am a teacher, a skilled writer and editor, and a caring person. I am not your typical strung-out (former) hooker! I also got involved in prostitution accidentally.

Prostitution and pain often go hand-in-hand. I was raped when I was a virgin and ended up with twisted sexual views. I turned to drugs to cope with the pain I felt. Years later, I prostituted myself. I liked the money, but I didn’t like the blows to my self-esteem or the way I was perceived by others. I still have flashbacks, bad memories, and sometimes hate myself.

I never had a pimp. I worked for myself. I degraded myself willingly, for money. Nope, I am not proud of it, but I am proud that I got out of it. Yay for me.

Writing has been an outlet of mine for a long time. I find writing therapeutic. In fact, it helped me cope with being raped. It also helped me “out” my rapist.

There are many “P” words associated with writing: paper, publication, precision, publishing, pencil, poetry, poem, poetic, poetically, pen, perfection, and private. For me, some of my writing is VERY private. No one sees it. Ever. Unless I want them to. It’s been 28 years since I was raped. I still suffer the effects, sad to say.

Prostitution, sex, and drugs are all issues I have had to deal with in my life. I am not embarrassed to speak of these things. I am honest and open, and wish more people were this way. But, enough about me. If you want to hear more of my story, you can read it here. 

Let’s get back to this blogging challenge, shall we?

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter P:

#1

purply-pink penis

painfully penetrating

precious, private parts

#2

pathological,

possessive, perpetual,

promiscuous prick

#3

pristine, pleasant, poised,

perfection personified,

palatial paper

#4

paper positioned

perfected publication

pencil precision

#5

pretty pink penis

probably pointing proudly

penetrating pal

#6

Prostitution pays

Perhaps potentially prays

Personal poor plight

YOUR TURN:

What are your views when it come to prostitution and/or rape?

Do you know anyone who has been raped (other than me)? Do you know any prostitutes?

Do you treat them differently?

Q is for Quote

quizzical quaint quotes

qualitative quick questions

quirky quotations

R is for Rat and Recliner

I once had two pet rats, Miffy and Sniffy. Most people think I am weird, but that’s okay. In fact, most people, when they think about rats, think about dirty, infested, run-down apartments or back alleys with tons of Dumpsters. Some people might think of the Pied Piper, too.?

POEM #1

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day, featuring the letter R, that follows the 5-5-7 pattern:

rambunctious rodents

ravage rank rubbish

reaping righteous rat rewards

Another type of rat that some people might think of is a person who tells on someone. To “rat someone out” means to reveal something to someone else about another person. Obviously, this type of rat is not the type I am referring to in the poem, but I wanted to mention that “rat” has alternate meanings here.

POEM #2

I wrote another poem for you today, about an old chair, as most of us, at one time or another, has probably sat in one. I don’t know what shape yours was in, but hopefully it was in a better condition than the one in the following poem:

rusty recliner

repeating raspy rhythms

rickety rocking

YOUR TURN:

What do you think of when you hear the word “rat”?

Which poem painted a vivid picture in your head?

Do you have a favorite chair that you like to relax or read in?

S is for Sucking, Sex, and Slut

I am getting a bit risqué lately, don’t you think? I’ve talked about needles, orgies, and prostitution, so it shouldn’t surprise you that today I am going to write about sex!

Hey, all of these things are a part of many people’s lives, including my old life, so I don’t see a problem with speaking the truth. Much of my poetry is based on my experiences or observations, so I hope you don’t find things too offensive.?

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here are two poems, featuring the letter S:

#1

salacious secrets

sexual seductiveness

sinful sluttiness

That one wasn’t too bad, was it? Good. Prepare yourself for the next one.

#2

slow sensual sucks

swallowing sticky semen

sweet, salty, sloppy

Did you like this one? (Ha. I thought not!)

T is for Toddlers and Triolets

Two things to talk about today: toddlers and triolets. Toddlers because my sister has a two-year-old who was born with cancer (but is inspirational, as she participates in fundraisers such as the Relay for Life), and triolets because this is a poetry blog, after all.?

Toddlers, as you know, usually go through a phase called “the terrible twos,” which actually last from ages two-and-a-half to three-and-a-half. Sammi turned two on March the first, and now she is learning how to talk. Her favorite word is “no.”?

So, in keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter T:

#1

terrible twos/threes

taking ten temper tantrums

trying, taxing times

Sammi also just happens to be cancer-free at the moment! It’s been six months now, and our family is thrilled at these results.

Triolets

Triolets are a form of poetry. You can read more about them here:

My Blogging Triolet When It Breaks: A Triolet and Challenge

U is for Ugly Underwear

Underwear. We all wear them. We all need them. And I’m willing to bet we have all owned a pair like the kind described in the poem at some point in our lives! (Well, okay, maybe not quite like them…)

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem, featuring the letter U (a tough letter, by the way):

ugly underwear

unloved, unwanted, urine-stained

utterly unkempt

V is for Vixen and Views
#1

vivacious vixens

virile, velvet vested valets

vanquishing virgins (or maybe this should be visiting virgins?)

#2

velvet valances

veiled vast vistas

victorious views

W is for Waterfall

Some people like water. Others are afraid of it – like my brother, who has never learned how to swim due to an incident he experienced in the bathtub when we were young children. Apparently, I tried to drown him! I don’t recall that, but he sure does!

I like water. I love swimming in it. I like drinking it. I like watching my niece and nephew pour it from one container to another.

I also like waterfalls. I’ve never been to Niagra Falls, but I live close to Kakabeka Falls and have stood where the people in this picture are standing! I’ve also seen them in the winter, frozen.

wandering wetness

watching warm waterfalls

whispering, welcoming

X is for Xenophobia

Xenophobia is the fear or hatred of strangers or foreigners. I bet many people from the United States developed this fear after the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers in New York!

I actually wrote a poem about terrorism last year, and thought it would be fitting to share it with you today, as xenophobia is the word I selected for X in the blogging challenge.

Here it is:

Terrorism

Conjured images of bombs, of planes hijacked,

of men and women plotting, planning,

of twin towers falling, people scrambling,

of injuries, blood, gore and death.

Smoke, air thick, breathing difficult, impossible.

Evil minds wreak havoc upon the world.

Choice matters not.

Racism ensues, continues.

Progress halts.

Attacks on religion, on people, on living beings.

Murderous rage obliterates peace.

Pieces of bodies buried beneath rubble,

beneath other people.

Bodies. Lives wasted, taken.

Survivors scared.

Psyches scarred for life,

with death.

Devastating results.

Terrorists incite much more than terror —

Fear and sadness and loss of hope.

Blackness darkens innocent hearts.

Terrorists hide, devils disguised,

Ideating destruction.

Who?

Why?

My X Tautogram

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my poem of the day, featuring the letter X:

xenodochial

xanthodont xylopolist

xyloid xylophone

Hey, I never said this poem would make sense! However, roughly translated, this poem is about a hospitable person who has yellow teeth and sells wood (and might make) a xylophone that looks wooden!

I really tried to write something good! I even used this list of words and their definitions!

Y is for Yappy Youngsters

Yappy youngsters can drive a person crazy, especially those with little or no patience. My niece and nephew can be two yappy children sometimes! I like it when it’s their bedtime, though, and love them best when they are sleeping. They are little angels then!

When they are awake, the noise sometimes gets to me (in my old age…)

Here is my poem, featuring the letter Y:

your yelling youngsters

yabber, yelp, yowl, yammer,

yap; yearning yawns

Z is for Zazzy and Zombie

Zombies are not my favorite types of characters. I don’t like shows or movies that have zombies in them. I’m not scared of them; I just don’t like them. That’s all. Although I sometimes feel like one, especially when I get over-tired (this usually happens when I take on too much, like blogging challenges).?

I’m so happy that I decided to do this challenge, though, but I AM glad it’s come to an end!

In keeping with the theme of writing Haikus in the form of tautograms, here is my FINAL poem, which features the letter Z:

zigzagging zombies

zany, zymotic, zazzy

zesty, zoic zones

I had to include “zazzy” in my poem because I love The Big Bang Theory and Sheldon Cooper, who says “Bazinga!” when he plays pranks. Remember? Plus, his asinine antics make me laugh. And what better way to end this blogging challenge than with a laugh??

I hope you had as much fun reading my poems as I did writing them!

Now I can breathe a sigh of relief, and be proud of myself for completing my first A to Z challenge!

I can also thank Google for guiding me to these two sites that helped me immensely in this challenge: Noun1 and DescriptiveWords.

I don’t think I could have completed this challenge without them.?

My A to Z Challenge Reflections

I’m really happy that the A to Z challenge is over. The hosts now want me to say a few things about it, like:

what I liked
what I didn’t like
what worked and what didn’t
if I would do it again
any improvements that could be made
etc.

My Reflections

I personally wanted to do this challenge because I have never attempted a challenge like this before. I must say that I am proud of myself for doing it – and all in tautogram Haikus, too! This was a challenge in itself!!!

I didn’t like blogging every day. I also didn’t like having to “force” my creativity. I prefer to let things happen naturally.

I didn’t have time to visit a bunch of blogs, either.

I can confidently say that I won’t be doing a challenge like this again. At least, this is how I feel right now!

I think that you get out of blogging what you put into it, and with all of my other responsibilities, I just don’t have the time to put 100% into it.

Sorry!

My Favourite Part

I will say that receiving comments has been one of my favorite parts of blogging (and always has been), so please leave me one!

Last Updated : Monday, April 1, 2019

The post The A to Z Challenge and ALL of My A to Z Poems appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

Mental Health Online Supports Exist So YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 

You are not alone.

It’s a commonly heard refrain, but it’s the truth. When it comes to mental illness, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

You are part of a large group of people who have faced the same issues you have and survived. I’ve been there, and I survived. You can as well.

Although it’s true, that refrain is sometimes hard to remember when you are at home, at night, feeling alone and desperate. Maybe you are suffering the symptoms of a specific mental illness such as depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. You could be facing issues with addiction such as substances or gambling. You could be having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming others.

I have gone through this and I know just how challenging it can be. I’ve been at home, wanting to commit suicide. I’ve been addicted to drugs and gambling. I used to be a prostitute. I’ve survived it all, even though I once tried to kill myself.

Although I have been fortunate enough to be able to use different strategies to overcome my suicidal thoughts, which are mentioned in my book, FROM NOPE TO HOPE, I know firsthand that suffering can happen at any time, during the day or night. Health care providers are realizing that they have to be there for you at times like these to offer early intervention before your situation gets out of control. This is why there is a growing number of internet and telephone resources that you can access at any time for help.

Mental health online supports exist to help you. They are they to help, even when you feel like you are all one. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you can use any of the support systems mentioned in this article to help you through your problems! These supports are sometimes referred to as Telehealth supports, too.

Online Support and Advice

There are private, professional options available, such as BetterHelp.com. To start with, BetterHelp has a ton of useful information on a wide variety of symptoms, situations, and mental illnesses, There is a ton of advice about mental health at BetterHelp.

And, for more extensive online care, they offer convenient counseling and therapy provided by trained professionals. They will set you up with a counselor that you can contact at any time through a messaging system. Or, you can book a live session through your phone, tablet or computer.

I have sought out counseling and it has helped me. It will help you, too.

Canadian Online and Telephone Contacts

In Ontario, the province that I live in, you can contact ConnexOntario at any time, 24 hours per day, at 1-866-531-2600. If you are struggling, all you have to do is pick up the phone and there will be someone on the other end that will listen to you, provide you with assistance, and offer information on the services and resources available to you in your own community. And it’s all completely free.

There is also a medical advice line called Telehealth Ontario, where you can speak to a nurse if you think you need to see a doctor or go to the emergency room.

Keep in mind that if you need IMMEDIATE medical attention, you should call 911 (or the equivalent for your area).

There are both provincial and national governmental or non-profit funded services like ConnexOntario across Canada. Here is a handy list including websites and phone numbers provided by CTV.

If you need to talk to someone, here are some Canadian crisis hotlines that will take your call right now:

Kids Help Phone

1-800-668-6868

Crisis Services Canada

1-833-456-4566, or text 45645

Native Youth Crisis Hotline

1-877-209-1266

First Nations and Inuit Hope for Wellness Help Line

1‑855‑242-3310

Centre for Suicide Prevention

1-833-456-4566

Canada Drug Rehab Addiction Services Directory

1-866-462-6362

National Eating Disorder Information Centre

1-866-633-4220

International Online and Telephone Contacts

Health departments and non-profit organizations operate similar services across the globe. Here are two comprehensive lists, broken down by country. One is provided by Together We Are Strong. You can also find an extensive list at cocoonais.com.

The World Health Organization has a great list of information pertaining to mental health on their website as well.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

So, even though you might feel like you are alone, you truly are not. There are resources that you can access NOW, when you need it the very most. You don’t have to suffer alone, and getting help right away could help save your life.

Last Updated : Sunday, January 27, 2019

The post Mental Health Online Supports Exist So YOU ARE NOT ALONE appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

A LETTER TO MY RAPIST: LORNE CHABOT

I hate you.

I hate you, for so many reasons.

I hate you for hurting me, for destroying my belief system, and for causing me so much emotional anguish and damage.

I hate you for causing me to have low self-esteem and a negative self-image.

I hate you for fucking me up so bad that I can’t have normal relationships.

I hate you for making me cry so much.

I hate you for impacting my life for so many years.

I hate you for leaving everlasting scars, scars that never completely heal.

I hate you for causing me to lose sleep, to have an unfocused attention span, affecting my ability to concentrate.

I hate you for fucking up my life so much, in ways you can never imagine or believe.

I can’t clearly express how much I fucking hate you, but this is a start.

You will never know or understand the horrible effects that rape causes, how it messes with your mind and your thinking, and has adverse effects on your life.

You deserve to feel confusion, fear, anger, anguish, sadness, despair, depression, worthlessness, disrespect, self-loathing, self-hatred, devastation, and a myriad of other fucked up emotions that you have made me feel on a daily basis for the last 30+ years, ever since you destroyed my innocence and fucked up my life forever.

You are a piece of fucking shit who does not deserve to live, yet death would be too good of a punishment.

You deserve to be tortured, slowly and extremely painfully, every moment of every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade of your life.

Note: I outed my rapist back in November 2013.

Last Updated : Thursday, January 3, 2019

The post A LETTER TO MY RAPIST: LORNE CHABOT appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

My Dad Knows My Rapist

So… NEWSFLASH… I recently found out my dad has been playing pool with my rapist. :O

How?

One of his pool-playing buddies got a get-well card for all the guys to sign, when my dad got sick and ended up in the hospital just before Christmas.

I saw the card. I saw my rapist’s signature on it.

Needless to say, I was FLOORED.

Stunned, beyond belief. :O

I showed my mom the name. Told her who he was. Dad was in the next room. That day, Christmas Eve, I couldn’t say anything to my father about it because I didn’t want him to feel even worse. (He is feeling better now. Still not at 100%, but much better.)

Tonight, I asked my dad about him. Told him who he was.

Told him I fought the guy, protested, screamed NO, etc., when I was taken BY FORCE… when my whole world was ruined.

When I told my dad, he made it out to be like it was MY FAULT, MY CHOICE.

“What were you doing with a 29-year-old when you were 14?”

“Well, you always were wild.”

“Why were you with him in the first place?”

Seriously???

Holy F*CK!!!

I’m, once again, DEVASTATED.

I thought I dealt with all this shit already.

I thought I put this all BEHIND ME.

The Night I Was Raped

The night I was raped, I had gotten into a fight with my dad and decided to run away from home. (That was the FIRST and ONLY time I EVER did that.)

I had nowhere to go. The rapist was a friend of a friend (an older friend of an older friend whom I used to babysit for).

I thought he was an okay guy. I know now HOW WRONG I WAS.

To find out my dad has played about 30 games of pool with that POS (piece of shit) came as a shock. But to have my dad react the way he did came as even more of a shock. Wow.

I don’t know what I expected him to say or do, but it sure wasn’t THAT.

I tried explaining WHY I was “with him” and how that traumatic event changed my life forever… how it made me turn to drugs and drinking, how it made me quit school, how it caused me to become promiscuous, etc., etc. etc.

My dad said he wasn’t even home then. OMG. I told him how I had had a fight with him that night, that he WAS home. (He used to travel a lot for his job, back then.)

I’m really emotional right now. I feel so fu*cked up. I don’t even know WHAT to feel or think at the moment.

I unloaded my feelings on the guy I’m dating. When we first began talking, I warned him I was a mess! The good news is that I feel a bit better. Not a lot, but a bit. At least, now, I have stopped crying.

This is how rape affects people.

This is why talking to others and telling others about it is important.

This is the whole reason for the #MeToo movement, and for the #WeToo movement.

Coming together, showing love and support for one another, comforting one another, and changing the world and our society for the better IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT.

Maybe someone who doesn’t know my story will see this.

Maybe it will help them, somehow.

Maybe. Hopefully.

Maybe that is why this is happening to me again.

I have no idea.

Things Happen for a Reason

But things happen for a reason, even if we don’t always know why, at the time.

The only reason I think so much has happened to me is so I can help others.

That is why I shared my story in the blog post RAPE DRUGS AND PROSTITUTION – ONE BLOGGER’S JOURNEY TO SUCCESS.

That is why I outed my rapist in my blog post on Wording Well called The “One Lovely Blog” Award (AKA One Smokin’ Hot Blog Award) Gets This Lovely Blogger To Identify Her Rapist: Lorne Chabot.

That is why I write. That Is why I wrote the blog post on Wording Well called Writing Is Therapeutic and Helped Me Cope With Being Raped.

That is why I wrote the book, FROM NOPE TO HOPE.

I am, after all, doing quite well in my life now. I am living proof that life can be better, and does get better, if you want it to, if you make efforts to make it better, if you use strategies and techniques to cope, if you put in the work, and if you have a desire to live your best life and be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.

At this point, overall, in my life, I am the happiest I have ever been.

Okay, not at this exact moment, given these recent events. But overall.

And I DO feel a bit better now, after writing this.

What a way to end the year, huh?

Keep the Christmas Spirit Alive the Whole Year!

Keep the Christmas spirit alive the whole year. This is the theme of the following poem, which was originally written during the Christmas holidays in 2016.

I have updated it each year and will continue to do so in the coming years.

Keep the Christmas Spirit Alive the Whole Year!

Christmas has come and gone for another year.

People will soon stop spreading holiday cheer.

Children have new toys to play with, and the magic of Santa has passed.

It’s too bad that these feelgood feelings don’t last.

The hungry and poor might have had one day of reprieve,

Invited into homes they will soon be asked to leave.

The homeless are still seeking shelter and food,

While the rich discard leftovers in a way that is lewd.

The happiness of the season will change on January 1st and things will go back to the same old way as before…

Even though we’ll all begin the new year with resolutions galore.

Not everyone is as fortunate as you or me.

And so, before this year ends, I want to make a plea.

I want you to help just one person today.

I want you to make that person’s life better, in some small way.

Smile at someone, provide a meal to them, donate clothing, help an elderly person with a chore, rescue an animal, or do a different good deed.

My plea is to do this on a daily basis, too, because there are many people who are in desperate need.

As 2018 winds down, reflect on how much you have helped others this past year,

And resolve to make 2019 much better, for both strangers and for those whom you hold dear.

It takes only a small amount if effort on your part,

And your kind, loving action may just give someone a new start!

It may fill them with hope, when, before, they had none.

It may give them a new lease on life, or rekindle their belief in humanity, when, before, they thought they were done.

Remember, a simple gesture can go a long way,

And you might find yourself in their shoes, somehow, someday.

You would, then, want someone to do the same for you,

Even though you became a shell of the person you once were and knew.

Treat others with respect and love, and do a good deed every day from now on.

Don’t wait for tomorrow (tomorrow never comes for procrastinators); do it today, before today is gone!

Promise yourself you will continue to be helpful and kind all year,

Because that is the only way we can keep these feelings alive, these feelgood feelings of cheer.

And do it now, while you have the chance; keep the magic alive while you are still here.

Last Updated : Sunday, December 30, 2018

The post Keep the Christmas Spirit Alive the Whole Year! appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

FOR #MeToo SURVIVORS: A Powerful #Poem of Strength + Inspiration

We give our past the power to define us.

We think it is our past that is to blame.

Our young, naive minds twist our thoughts radically,

Never allowing us to be the same.

Our guilt gnaws at us, gnaws at our souls every day,

It makes us think it’s our fault and that there will be hell to pay.

It turns into our demons and crushes the purity of our hearts.

It debilitates us thoroughly and weakens our resolve for fresh starts.

Myths of forgiveness, letting go, and forgetting our traumas are all too real.

Our strength of character enables realizations our youth they did steal.

Innocence gone, a myriad of emotions we are left to feel.

Determination to survive and thrive is the backbone of our intention to heal.

Undoing the damage to our psyches is an impossible feat.

Accepting our new selves can be difficult, yet done, if, ourselves, we don’t cheat.

We can choose how to react to future situations; we have many choices.

Empowerment involves positivity and discovering we have voices.

We can rally against our guilt and the demons that live deep inside.

We can overthrow the culprits who have forced us to be silent and hide.

We can show the world our new selves, resulting from our past messes.

We can go from feeling like insecure, damaged goods to undefeatable forces and successes.

Compassion and patience, coupled with an attitude of fearlessness, with give us the motivation

To slay those demons of guilt, find our destiny, and be seen as an inspiration.

#poem #poetry by Lorraine Reguly from Wording Well

PLEASE SHARE AND GIVE HOPE TO OTHER SURVIVORS IN NEED

 

P.S. In lieu of True Tales Tuesday post, I’m posting this poem.

Last Updated : Monday, December 3, 2018

The post FOR #MeToo SURVIVORS: A Powerful #Poem of Strength + Inspiration appeared first on Lorraine Reguly.

My Second Near-Death Experience + My Summer Adventures

Near the end of May 2018, I almost had a heart attack and died.

This marked my second near-death experience. The first one occurred when my appendix burst, in August of 2012, and I had to have emergency surgery to save my life.

These two events were extremely different from one another. When my appendix burst, I was in excruciating pain. I had a severe infection, my appendix shattered into numerous pieces, and I had to call 911 and be rushed to the hospital. (I wrote about this whole experience in 2013.)

My recent experience didn’t involve much pain, but it was equally as scary. There are two reasons why I am going to share it with you, too. One, I want you to be able to recognize the warning signs, if something like this should happen to you (or to someone you know), and two, I want to chronicle this experience while it’s still fresh in my mind. (I’m getting older and my memory is not as good as it used to be!)

I have already chronicled how I almost lost my leg and the list of operations I have already had… so my writing about this shouldn’t really come as a surprise to anyone! LOL

What Happened

It all started one day in late May 2018, when I climbed the 28 stairs to my third-floor apartment, which I had done thousands of times before (even while carrying six heavy bags of groceries). I could barely breathe when I unlocked the door. My heart was beating rapidly, and I had never been that winded before. I didn’t think much of it, however, because I’m a heavy smoker, and I often have trouble breathing clearly. I also have asthma. I use puffers to help me breathe properly.

That day, I had just come from my mom’s house, where I was playing cards and chain-smoking. It took five whole minutes for my breathing to return to normal. I put the incident out of my mind and ended up sitting at my laptop for a few hours, working on an editing project, before watching some TV and going to bed.

The next day, I was puzzled when I decided to put my laundry away. During the five minutes it took me to complete this task, I walked from my bedroom to my kitchen to put the tea towels away, and then to the bathroom to stow the face cloths in the cupboard.  After I was done, I was huffing and puffing, short of breath again. I thought this was odd, but, again, I simply put it out of my mind.

Later that day, my parents picked me up in their grey Santa Fe. They were providing transportation to me so I could run errands. Our first stop was Pet Valu. I needed to buy more food for my kitten, Squeakers. I went in, made my purchase, and returned to the car with a big bag of food. Again, I was out of breath.

Our second stop was the pharmacy. I needed to get some supplies to take care of the wound on my left leg. (I had some type of granuloma on my leg and had it burned off on May 17th, 2018.) I went in, made my purchase, and returned to the car even more out of breath than before. My mom was shocked that such a short walk would cause me to have an extreme shortness of breath. I had previously told her that I thought something was wrong with me and that I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. My dad asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I declined, hoping that whatever was going on with me would pass, even though I knew, deep down, it wouldn’t.

We ended up going to my mom’s to play cards. I spent a lot of time sitting. In fact, most of my life involves me doing little activity. I lead a very sedentary lifestyle. While I was there, I took Veronica, one of their cats, outside. I attached her leash to her collar, took her outside, tied her up, and climbed the eight stairs to my parent’s place. Again, I was out of breath. I knew I had to see a doctor, but I didn’t really want to go to the hospital.

The next afternoon, I called Telehealth and spoke to a nurse, seeking advice. I was told to have a doctor listen to my lungs with a stethoscope within the next four hours. My energy was zapped and I didn’t have a ride to the hospital, so she promised the nurse that I would heed her instructions the next day. I didn’t want to take the bus there because I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk from the bus stop to the emergency room without collapsing. By this point, I was really scared and knew that something was really wrong.

I Made it to the Hospital

I asked one of my friends to take me to the hospital the next day. Before I left, I finished the editing project I was working on and emailed my client the final document. I arrived at the hospital just after one in the afternoon on May 29, 2018.

The doctors did a routine check of my lungs, took X-rays, performed an ECG (an electrocardiogram), and ordered some bloodwork. When the results came back from the lab, one doctor ordered a CT or CAT scan, to investigate further. I was happy the doctors were being thorough, but I was not prepared for the news I was about to receive.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have massive blood clots in your lungs. There is also a blockage from your heart to your lungs.”

Tears sprang to my eyes as my mind processed this information.

“If I hadn’t have come in today,” I asked, out of curiosity, “would I have had a heart attack?”

“Probably.”

“I knew it!” I exclaimed. My instincts were usually right. Stunned, I stared at the doctor, and asked, “So what’s going to happen to me now?”

The doctor proceeded to explain how the clots would be dealt with, through medication that would cause them to break up and dissolve. I was told I would have to take blood thinners for at least six months. He also told me he was admitting her as a patient until my breathing cleared up.

My heart sank. I didn’t want to have to stay in the hospital! Then my mind began racing and I started having an inner conversation with myself.

Who would take care of Squeakers? My parents, of course. How are they going to get her? I don’t know; I have to make arrangements for someone to pick her up and bring her there. Who is going to bring me my phone charger? My battery won’t last the night! I don’t know. Maybe my son? Who has keys to my house? My mom and my son. How long am I going to be here? I don’t know. Who is going to bring me the stuff I need? I need some of my personal belongings! I don’t know. My son? My sister? My mom? Who do I call first? My mom. Always my mom; my best friend.

I dialed my mom’s number. She answered. I could barely talk.

“Mom, I have bad news,” I managed.

“What’s wrong?” Immediately, she became concerned. It was like she was steeling herself for the worst news possible.

“I-I-I have…” I began, blubbering. “I have bl…” I tried saying that I have blood clots in my lungs, but all that came out of my mouth was a bunch of gibberish because I was crying.

“What? I don’t understand you,” she said.

I took a deep breath and tried again.

I choked out my newfound truth.

“Oh, my God!” Mom cried.

The conversation that ensued consisted of me explaining to her everything I learned from the doctor. Then it turned to how I was going to solve my immediate problems, regarding Squeakers, my phone charger, and my personal belongings.

Who Will Come to My Rescue?

Squeakers was at home, alone. She had enough food and water, so she would be okay for a couple of days, but that was not the point. I didn’t want to leave her by herself. My mom agreed to take her. But she couldn’t navigate three flights of stairs on her own. And my dad was useless when it came to helping out.

So that left my son… or my sister.

I called my son. He doesn’t have a car, but he had my extra set of keys. I begged and pleaded for him to help me, but he was busy and out with his girlfriend, so he was unable to help me then and there. I would have to wait for him to help me.

As I was talking with my son, a guy overheard me saying how much I needed a phone charger. After my conversation was over, he asked me if I wanted him to pick one up. He and his wife were going to Walmart and then for something to eat before they returned to the hospital. It was like he was an angel sent from heaven and the answer to my prayers!

I gave him my information (name, room number, etc.) and showed him that I had money in my purse. I asked him if he could pick me up something to eat, too.

After he left, I made more phone calls. It turned out that my sister could help me the next day.

My Real-Life Angels

Although I was moved from the emergency ward to a more permanent place in the hospital, I had told the guy buying my new phone charger that I was going to be moved. I had given him my name and contact information, and he was able to find me easily.

He brought me a new charger and some food from McDonald’s. He also brought me a few fresh bananas from Walmart. He and his wife were very kind and considerate and refused to accept full payment for their deeds. I was shocked at their willingness to help a total stranger!

I have always been kind to others whenever I can, and I felt truly blessed to finally be the recipient of such caring acts.

My other savior was my sister.

The next morning, my dad came to the hospital to pick up my keys. My sister got them from him, went to my house, packed a bag for me, and bundled up Squeakers in her carrier. Before taking my kitten to stay at my mom’s place, she brought her to the hospital (along with my bag of stuff I needed) so I could have a short visit with Squeakers and try and explain to her what was going on.

As much as my sister and I fight, when push comes to shove, family is truly important and can be relied upon. At least, in this case, that was true.

I was able to comfortably stay in the hospital for the next five days because of this… although it is tough to be comfortable with two IV needles in your arm!

Tests and Medications

I was put through a bunch of tests and given a lot of drugs. Mainly, I was given two different types of blood thinners, although the nurses kept changing the dosages. They had to raise the dose and then lower it in their attempts to get my blood to the level of thickness or thinness it was supposed to be at.

I also learned that a person’s diet will have an effect on the medication I was taking. Warfarin is affected by Vitamin K, and so I now have to make sure I don’t consume too many foods containing that vitamin.

I am still being monitored. I go every one or two weeks to get my blood checked. It’s a pain to have to go to all of those appointments, but it’s also better to be safe than sorry!

I Stopped Working to Focus on My Health

When I was released from the hospital on June 4, 2018, I decided to take some time off. In fact, I decided to take the entire summer off! That meant I would not work during June, July, and August.

During the month of June, I was put on a new medication (a cholesterol pill) on the 19th. Six days later, I was in major pain. I had a backache, a sore stomach, and I felt nauseated 24/7.

I thought it was the new medication interacting with my other new medication! So I stopped taking it, upon the doctor’s advice.

As it turned out, I had contracted some sort of stomach bug. That’s what was making me sick.

When July rolled around, I felt better. I enjoyed my time off, read several books for pleasure, and spent a lot of time with my family. It was really hot during that month, too, but I only went swimming once. I spent a lot of time in front of the fan, playing with Squeakers, and watching movies and TV. I went out to comedy shows with my friends and went out for dinner many times. All in all, July was great, other than it being too hot!

My Vacation Time was Cut Short and August was Hell

In August, I had to do something I hadn’t done in years. I had to count my money and make a budget. I then had to figure out how to survive until September, which is when my next editing gig was lined up for.

I had been saving a lot of my earnings the previous months, and so I figured I would have enough to live on for the entire summer. I was wrong. But it wasn’t until the first week of August that I discovered that!

I then had to do two things: 1. Hustle for some work, and 2. Consider taking a job I normally would automatically say “no” to.

I sent out an email to a friend and former client, practically begging for work. He didn’t have any work to give me, but he wanted to help me out. He ended up ordering $300 worth of posts on my site and paid me in advance for them.

I was so relieved! I could enjoy August now!

Every August, the CLE comes to my city. It is a carnival that has many components to it, including amusement park rides, special food, magic shows, hypnotist shows, and nightly entertainment in the form of different rock bands. This year, Glass Tiger and Prism were two of the bands performing at the carnival. I had seen Prism before, but not Glass Tiger, so I made plans to go, spend the day at the fair, and watch/listen to the band at night.

After I watched the band, I got a chance to talk to the lead singer. I asked if he had any photos of the band I could buy. He didn’t, but someone he was traveling with had one. I asked for the band members to autograph it. I was able to get three signatures, as the band was rushing off to their limo. The best part? I got it for free!

The only problem with going to the carnival is that it can be very expensive. I knew I would need at least $100 to enjoy myself to the fullest. (I actually ended up spending $87.50 on that day, August 8th!)

The next day, the stem on my nose ring broke. I didn’t want the hole in my nose to close, so I put an earring in it. But I couldn’t find a real gold one so I had to use a cheap one, which ended up making my nose hurt. (I can only wear real gold in my nose or my ears. I have allergic reactions if I wear cheap stuff.)

Buying a new nose ring was an unexpected expense I certainly didn’t budget for! But I had to get one… and soon! I took out the cheap earring and made some phone calls to jewelry shops around town. Finally, I found one that sold gold-stemmed nose rings with diamond studs.

The only one I liked was $108… on sale! Of course, I bought it. I told myself it was my early birthday present! (My birthday was on August 17th.)

For my birthday, I went to Mongo’s, a restaurant that allows you to create your own stir-fry meal. Mongo’s gives you a free meal on your birthday, too, so I went with my mom.

My dad didn’t go because we were in the midst of a fight. We seem to fight every August 15th. That is the day my dad’s mom died, so I’m sure there is a connection there somewhere…

August Got Better… then Worse

In early August, someone emailed me about editing a fantasy book. I normally do not edits books in this genre. I am actually pretty picky about what I will edit! But… I knew I was getting low on cash and so I agreed to do a sample edit.

But the guy took a long time before he got back to me, and so that is why I had to email my friend and beg for work!

As it turned out, the guy liked my work (everyone does!!!) and so, when I calculated the total cost of the editing job to be over $2600 USD (equivalent to over $3400 CAD), I decided to accept the project. I received my first payment on my birthday. Woo-hoo!

I got started on the work right away, too. After two-and-a-half months of being off work, I was actually grateful to have something worthwhile to do.

But then something happened that threw a major lurch into my plans.

How August Got Worse

Four days after my birthday, the apartment building I live in was inspected for bed bugs.

I had received a notice about the upcoming inspection, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. The last time they came into my apartment, they didn’t find anything.

The night before this inspection, I stayed up all night. I did some work, then painted, then played some games on my phone, and then I watched TV. By the time I actually fell asleep, it was morning. I had only been sleeping about 45 minutes when I awoke to a strange man in the doorway of my bedroom.

That was very weird… and a bit scary!

Of course, it was the bed bug inspector. He had been let in by a guy who works for my landlord, who has a master key to open all of the apartments.

It felt like I was in a foggy dream of some sort. To wake up to a stranger in your bedroom when you live in a security building and keep your apartment door locked 24/7 is a bit unnerving.

I got up and allowed the inspector to flip up both my boxspring and mattress, fully expecting him to leave within a few minutes. I couldn’t wait to go back to sleep!

However, when he was looking at my boxspring, he glanced over at my mattress and said, “Oh, oh. We have a red flag here.”

“What?!” I was incredulous as I walked over to see what he was talking about.

He pointed out some discoloration on my white mattress cover. We then looked around the mattress head and found some black marks that were bed bug feces. YUCK!

That’s not even the worst part! There was a bed bug at the head the mattress, too! DOUBLE YUCK!

The inspector squeezed it with his fingers and flicked it onto the floor, onto my carpet. He said he would have to treat my entire apartment with a special product (a spray) that will kill any remaining bed bugs. Then he said my landlord (well, the guy who works for my landlord) will give me some papers with instructions on how to properly prepare to have my apartment treated.

I was so freaked out that he found a bug that I could not go back to sleep. Instead, I went to find the bug in my bedroom that the guy killed so I could flush him down the toilet. I looked on the carpet, but it was not there. It was crawling on my baseboard! The inspector didn’t kill it after all!

I grabbed some toilet paper and squashed it until it was dead. Then I flushed it.

Then I waited for the guy to bring me the instructional papers.

When he did, I was surprised at how much preparations that needed to be done before they would consider treating my apartment.

I would have to:

-wash every single article of fabric I owned in hot water and dry in the dryer for a minimum of 40 minutes. (This meant I had to wash my towels, sheets, curtains, tablecloths, shower curtain and all of my clothing! Plus, I had to do this with my jackets, coats, boots, mittens, gloves, scarves, and shoes!)

-vacuum my entire apartment and move everything (all furniture and other items) 18 inches from the walls.

-be prepared to leave the house for a minimum of six hours on the day of treatment (after they sprayed), and this was to include any pets I had, as the product is harmful to animals as well as humans.

Obviously, there was A LOT to do before my apartment could be treated!

O.M.G.

My landlords also did not want me to use their laundry facilities in the basement; they told me I must take my laundry to a laundromat. The only good piece of news is that my landlords agreed to reimburse me for the costs of washing all of my clothes.

I was faced with some big challenges, as I don’t own a vehicle and have to rely on others for rides. I also live on the third floor of my building, and so carrying bags of laundry up and down the stairs is a chore.

I got out some garbage bags and started bagging everything up. I had 22 bags of stuff. I donated four bags of clothes. I threw one in the garbage and washed the rest.

It took me a total of three days at the laundromat to wash all my stuff.

I was also given special instructions on how to tie the bags so they were completely sealed (twist the end by spinning the bag, then tie it off like a balloon). Plus, I was told to pack a bag of clothes that would last me at least two weeks, as I was going to have to wait 14 days to be inspected again.

Apparently, bed bugs can lay eggs and I had to wait for the hatching period to pass.

Good grief!

Needless to say, my life was going to be hell for a while.

I had my ex-boyfriend, Greg, come over to help me move furniture. Together, we vacuumed my entire apartment and moved all my furniture to the middle of each room.

My place was treated on August 29th, 2018, which was my dad’s 77th birthday. I brought Squeakers to my parent’s place the night before treatment. That night, I gathered up the last-minute pieces of fabric I had forgotten about, which included some rags that were stored underneath my kitchen sink.

When I opened the cupboard door, I saw a bug on the top shelf. I wasn’t sure if it was a bed bug so I killed it, wrapped it in a paper towel, and stuck it in the freezer. Then I left the inspector a note and asked that he spray under my sink IF it was a bed bug.

The morning of treatment, my sister’s boyfriend gave me and my remaining bags of laundry to the laundromat.

While I was at the laundromat, my landlord called me. It turned out that the bug I found under my sink WAS a bed bug. Gross!!! They said they would spray that cupboard under my sink in addition to spraying my apartment. I felt relieved to hear that!

When I finished my laundry, my dad picked me up.

I decided to store 15 of the bags of clean fabric at my parent’s, in their extra bedroom, until my apartment was cleared. It was just easier for me to do that, so I did.

Then I waited for the hatching period to pass. It was uncomfortable to live in a place without curtains. At least I live on the top floor; it would be more unsettling to live in a basement apartment where anyone walking by could see in! It was also weird to live an apartment that had furniture 18 inches from the walls. It almost felt like I was moving out!

But I survived and on September 12th, I was given the “ALL CLEAR” from the inspector.

When it came time to transfer all of the bags back to my apartment, Greg helped again. There was no way I could carry 15 bags up the stairs, given my asthmatic condition. Plus, I was still recovering from having blood clots in my lungs!

All I can say is, Thank God for exes who are still friends with you!

Getting Back into the Swing of Things with Blogging

I was not allowed to wash any floors or vacuum for one month after treatment. That didn’t bother me that much; my house never gets that dirty to begin with. It’s just me and Squeakers living here, and we don’t make much of a mess!

Now that the whole ordeal is over with, I feel much better. I have been keeping busy with working… and painting. I will write another post about my paintings another day!

I have also been spending a lot of time with my parents.

I’ve even been doing a bit of writing.